Sunday, December 29, 2013

All Good Things Must Come to an End...or do they?

Crazy how things work out!

Just this morning, during a workout, I poured my heart out to a friend about this blog.
Why did I abandon it? Why did I leave it? Why did I drop it off on a doorstep for someone else to care for? (Haha, not really that far but you get it.)

I used to be so good at documenting my victories as well as my failures.  Yes, I said failures because failures aren't always a bad thing.  "I can accept failure, EVERYONE fails at something. But I can't accept not trying."-Michael Jordan

I have had so much go on this year but too lazy to document.
So, we decided I would just start here.  Put down all the great things that happened this year and start fresh for next year.  
I don't believe in resolutions.  I believe in dreams-goals-accomplishments.  So, I've made it a goal to continue this and I WANT to fulfill it.  So here goes:

January-My literal dream of meeting John Mayer came true.
 February-I was introduced to Beachbody and became a fitness coach.  I met amazing people and got to be a part of watching peoples lives transform due to a healthy life change.  
March-I became a mommy to a teenager and we spent our last month together (Babe was deployed) getting to know each other all over again.  This time I watched a young lady be born.
The teenager.
April-Babe came home after 6 months overseas.  He missed out when both of his grandmothers passed away and their funerals.  He also missed out when our cat Morrison passed away. 
May-I PR'ed during the Prairie Fire half-marathon.  I ran an 8:00 min/mile for 13.1 miles.  My finishing time was 1hr 44min,  putting me 11th in my division and 165th overall.  I cried at the finish line.  I also said good-bye to a good friend as her family moved overseas (fist in the air to military).  I then made a decision to temporarily say good-bye to some toxic family members.  I couldn't allow them to breathe negativity in my life anymore.  Until the day of renewal comes, I'm content with the decision that was made.
Welcome home Babe!
June-It wasn't a happy time but we had to put our sweet Anabelle to rest.  It was the hardest time of my life.  She helped me tremendously during my panic/anxiety.
July-John Mayer concert in Kansas City! (It was no meet and greet but it was still an amazing concert.)
Rest in Peace Anabelle
Kansas City
August-Met two new runners and they immediately became family.  We would summer train during hard months of pure heat!
David and Gwen join the crew


We got two new Burmese kittens and we named them Moose and Marie.
September-I was sick with a sinus infection for 3 weeks but still trained hard.  Migraines would hit me like crazy but I pushed through.
October-Maddy gets hospitalized for 2 weeks with a severe lung infection.  When doctors are worried, that means you need to pray and pray hard.  It was also a time of realizing who truly cared for your family.  It was a hard reality.
Halloween in the pediatric unit.
Delta F 508-Maddy's CF gene mutation
The Liberty Bell
November-Even during the toughest times, I still made it to Philadelphia and completed my 6th marathon.  I heard The Lords voice the whole run.  I technically missed a total of 1 month of training due to me being sick, Maddy being hospitalized, and migraines BUT I still finished under 5 hours.  I prayed to at least finish in 4 hours and 45 minutes and I ended up finishing 4:46:03 (SO CLOSE!)! I was still good with everything.  We even ventured out to Scranton, PA. to see the sights of where some of The Office scenes were filmed.  We had a blast!
December-John Mayer meet and greet with an amazing front row seat concert.  This time we traveled 15 minutes to see him because he came to Wichita.  Babe was starstruck.  I think his exact words were "oh crap, its John Mayer."  Best night ever!
Front row seats!

So there it is, 2013! I'm ready for 2014.  I'll kick off the New Year running two 5k's and a half-marathon all in 12 hours.  

"A goal without a plan is just a wish."-Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Mar-Little Rock Marathon
Oct-St. Louis Marathon

Friday, May 24, 2013

The Fountain of Youth

May 23rd was 16 years that I have been graduated from high school! We recently had a class get together and chatted about how 16 years is VERY close to 20 years of being out of high school.  YIKES!
We all know, in that amount of time, that things change.  Some for the good, some for the bad.
The majority of things I hear these days, when talking about fitness, is how the person wishes they could look and feel the way they did back in high school.
Guess what?
You can!
Guess what again?
You can look and feel BETTER!

I have found that "The Fountain of Youth" isn't a quick fix of botox, breast augmentation (although thats not necessarily a bad thing), or fad diets.
It's eating right and fitness.
What I mean is 70% clean eating (eating as close to its natural form as possible) and 30% fitness.  Meaning don't stress over eating what you want and then trying to burn those calories--you'll never make up for it.  You'll have to run a half-marathon (13.1 miles) to make up for that whopper, fries, and medium soda that you had for lunch.
Instead, focus on ways to fuel and feed your muscles.  Muscles are made in the kitchen.  I am a slow learner.  I have to see it working, first hand, for people before I jump on board.
Im seeing results and loving it!
Do I want to be the way I was in high school? NO WAY! I want to be who I am NOW!

Visit my site if you need help!

"The Fountain of Youth really is just a puddle of sweat."-Chalene Johnson (TurboFire)
Apparently taking studio pics with your BFF was cool back in '97.

Yes, that is REAL sweat...and no I don't glisten.  TurboFire has changed my life...and made my runs so much faster!

My friend of 20 years, April.  While the other girls were checking out each others hair and such, I gave April major props on her biceps.  That girl is buff!

Monday, May 13, 2013

To be continued...

As I have said before, this blog is used for my "failures" as well as it is victories.

Yesterday was not a good day.
Yesterday was Mother's Day.

While everyone was busy posting about their moms and all the wonderful posts about their moms, my heart was empty.

I have struggled for years at why my heart feels empty when it comes to my mom.  It's very hard to explain.
I didn't grow up in the best home life and that's okay.  It took a little while to get to the "okayness" of why I grew up that way but I haven't quite understood the mother/daughter bond...or lack thereof.
I get the bond between my child and I (I absolutely love it) but I have never understood what it's like to be THE child.

I know my parents loved me.  I know my mom loved/loves me.  But, to the depths of REALLY knowing, I don't understand it.
I am sure this post seems meaningless to some, especially if you've understood your role in your relationships.
For someone like me, I am completely numb at being a daughter to a mother.  I don't know what that feels like.

A few weeks ago, there was some misunderstanding between a family member and I.  The person totally misunderstood what I was trying to say.  Instead of asking me or reaffirming what I said, they completely spread the word around at their interpretation.  It caused havoc with some family.
And again, I was left with the thoughts of how I have no one.

Maybe you might view this as a pity party.  I really don't.
I look at this as reality.

If you are reading this and you are family, please know this is something the Lord is working out in my heart.  It isn't something I am doing on purpose or doing to get back at anyone.
I don't know why my heart is hardened.

To be continued...
  I love, adore, and admire my child.  I hope to be like her one day! 

Saturday, April 27, 2013


A few years ago, I watched a documentary over Bono from U2.
He was being interviewed over his faith and how most of his songs, in some way, are about Christ.  
Out of the whole interview only one phrase stuck out...

"Sometimes you just have to sing the blues"

How appropriate for that time in my life when I was speechless, emotionless, and heartless.  I had been through some major heartache and I had NO idea how to get rid of it.
I had prayed, I had sought,  and I had thrown myself down at the Lords feet.
One thing I had not done, was mourned.

"Mourned? Why would you do that when you have faith?"

Well, because mourning is a natural feeling and because Jesus mourned a few times.
*When Lazarus died, Jesus cried.  "Then Jesus wept."-John 11:35
*Praying in The Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus was in agony.  "Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me.  Yet I want your will to be done, not mine."-Luke 22:42 "He prayed more fervently, and he was in agony of spirit that his sweat fell to the ground like great drops of blood."-Luke 22:44
*On the cross while being crucified, not only was Jesus in pain but HE was overwhelmed with the sin of others (yours and mine included).  He was heartbroken.  "...My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?"-Matthew 27:46
The only difference is that I could not praise during my storm.  I only questioned.  Why had I let myself get this far away? Why did I allow others to come in and make room? Why didn't I grab my armor of faith and "fashionably" defeat the enemy's schemes to destroy me?
I had sunk that low in my emotions.  To the point of shutting down physically and emotionally.
I did the only thing that could help me mourn...

I grabbed on to John Mayer.

I know, I know, it sounds CRAZY! But, I grew up in the south and blues/jazz/raspy voices have always gotten my attention.
I have appreciated John Mayer over the past few years but it was when I couldn't do anything but listen to his music, to get me through, is when mourning took place.
His lyrics were right on and I cried through most of his songs during that rough patch in my life.  So much so, I would park my car in parking lots and cry out.  It was a good release.

But now, life has changed for the good.  I've reconnected with my Lord and HE has guided me through those rough times.
Only now when I listen to John Mayer, its all respect for his music-mainly his guitar skills.

In November 2012, I had a dream.
I dreamt that a friend of mine (another JM fan) and I got to meet John Mayer at a concert.  I asked my friend to take a picture of me and John so I could put it on my Facebook profile.  She took a ton of pictures but they were all blurry.  I finally took the phone away from her and took a self pic.  Before I could look at the self pic to make sure it was okay, I woke up.  (I hate that!)

In December 2012, I got some news.
After 2 years of not being able to sing because of a knot on his vocal cords, John Mayer was going to do a charity concert in Montana on January 16th, 2013.  There would be a chance to get "meet and greet" tickets as well.  Not only would John Mayer be singing at the charity event but Zac Brown would be there too.  I HAD to do this!
So when tickets opened up to buy online, I was there!
It took 45 minutes to get those tickets but I got them.  I also got front row tickets to the concert.
I CANNOT tell you how excited I was! I was shaking!

With Jeremy being deployed, it would be me and Maddy venturing out to Montana.  We would fly out there, meet John and Zac, and fly back the next day.
I have NEVER done anything spontaneous like this before but we all need to take a chance sometime and I did.

January 16th came and the meet and greet was here.  Maddy and I were second in line to meet him.
When it was our turn to go up, I shook hands with Zac and then John (Johns tall, by the way).  We chatted for a moment and then I asked John my most nervous question, "Can I take a picture of us?" and he said, "sure!".  He leaned in and I snapped a selfie!
And you know what? It went on my Facebook profile!

EVERYTHING happens for a reason! It took getting to the depths of darkness to recommit myself to my Lord and then on to meet John Mayer.  I know God allowed that time of sorrow to eventually fulfill a part of my "bucket list".
Now, when I listen to JM I hear his music and I smile.  I WAS there and now Im here.  And OH MY GOSH, I met JOHN MAYER!!!

Are you feeling despair? Do you feel like singing the blues?
It's okay to.  I never thought it was okay to.  I always thought I had to praise during tough times.
Don't get me wrong I have praised during the hardest times of my life but this time I could not.  And God understood.
Man, am I ever thankful for grace and everlasting love!

BTW-I get to go to my next John Mayer concert in July near Kansas City!

Me and Maddy when we landed in Bozeman, Montana.  If I wasn't a southerner, I'd definitely be a northerner.

"Can I take a picture of us?" "Sure!"-JM
Front row seats at his first concert in 2 years.

John Mayer and Zac Brown-best.night.ever.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013


It seems like eternity since I've blogged.
I am not sure what to write anymore.
Ive been a lot better at talking about things with people than journaling about them, whether it be in prayer or about something.

Things have changed TREMENDOUSLY in my life over the last few years and I'm so excited to share stories along the way.
First off, I am a recovering Panic, Anxiety, OCD, and hair puller.  I laugh at myself when I say that because its CRAZY and TRUE.
I suffered a panic attack in January 2010 and since then I've had to redefine myself.  I sought first in the Lords eyes and then on to who I need to be.  HE is showing me more and more each day on who HE designed me to be.  Not just physically but emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
Its been interesting the things Ive had to learn along the way but how else is a person supposed to grow?
God has a sense of humor, I just need to learn not to take things TOO seriously.

One of the main things that HE has changed is my fitness level.  I never thought fitness could go beyond running.  The day I discovered running, that was it.  I was a runner.  I've never gotten away from it nor do I ever want to.  I just didn't know the calling would go way beyond who I thought I was.  So, as of February 2013, I am officially a Beachbody coach.  I like to look at it more as a person who helps you mentally and a life coach.
My goal is to help others through the toughest part of their lives.  If you are uncomfortable with the way you look and feel, I am here.  I guide people through a program that is right for them and help them along the way to stick it out.
I am currently coaching a group of 9 girls (all online) through TurboFire.  That at home program is amazing.  It has changed my outlook on how I was to feel and look.  I want to be healthy.  I want to be fit.  I want to be all I can be and more.
Check out the site and see if you're interested in anything.  My next group will start at the end of June and that group will be Insanity.  I am looking forward to that 60 days of "Bananas".

The other life change HE brought me to was "clean-eating" (eating food as close to its natural state as possible).  I stay away from anything processed as much as I can.  Not everything is 100 proof but it has worked for me to stay away from them.
It took me years to find what was for me and I'm not giving it up.
I found people who are truly inspirational with their health and have encouraged me along the way.
I dropped 10 pounds of unwanted fat like that.  My agility and speed have increased.  My energy level skyrocketed and my thought process seems more clear.
If someone would have shared this with me 9 months ago, I would've ignored it.  I guess I had to find out for myself.
I do want to add that I have a "treat" day sometimes.  I usually have that day on Saturdays and it's been Chic-Fil-A every time.
However, lately, I've not really been in the mood for that "treat".  I feel more like ME when I stick to what I have planned out.
Just know, I think its okay to indulge.

Like I said at the beginning of the blog, I have a lot of things I want to share.  I just don't want to overwhelm myself of the reader.
So I'll end it with this one thing:

In 2007, I was running on my lunch break and I was angry at running.  (Runners go through that from time to time.  We wonder what is the purpose of it all.)  I remember asking God, "why!?! Why do others seem to have progress but not me?"
Then I heard HIM say, "because you were once LAME and now look at you-you are LEAPING!"
HE was right.
There was a period in my life where I could barely walk and here it is, years later, I am a 5 time marathoner (hopefully a 6 time marathoner in November).

How about you? Are you LAME? Are you stuck?
Don't fear that.  Seek it out.  HE has more for you than you know.  Maybe you've heard that a lot but never saw results from it.  Don't give up.  Your breakthrough could be right around the corner.

"Mark out straight paths for your feet so that those who are WEAK and LAME will not fall but become STRONG"-Hebrews 12:13 (NLT)