Thursday, February 19, 2015


12 weeks until my very first NPC bikini competition.

A lot of amazing things have taken place along with the mental and emotional struggle.
I've always heard it gets mentally tough but I am understanding more and more everyday how hard it really is.

You go from eating whatever you want (not necessarily junk 24/7 but snacking when you want) to getting a meal plan (strict diet with once a week cheat meal) to NOW-cutting (no cheats for 3 months).
Food is just food but when you can't have something, it gets tormentuous.  I had to detox myself from Chipotle, Starbucks, and my precious pack of mini Kit-Kats.
It's getting easier but man, I was angry/sad/frustrated.  Especially during the monthly cycles.
Thankfully I have a patient husband and teenager that supports and understands me.

Progress is starting up.  I have always been "skinny" but never felt "fit."  Some people are okay with being skinny and have even said to me, "If I could be skinny like you I'd be fine."  But I wasn't/am not fine.
I have so much built up in me that I know I can offer, being skinny is not okay.

Ive heard talented people say they've always felt BIG inside but the small of them held them back, until something was finally released.
I am not going into this competition to WIN anything but if I do, great.
I am going to fulfill a purpose I felt put on me back in 2007.  I didn't know the resources or the right way to get there.  I was also VERY scared.  I tried to do things on my own and it did not work.
I finally got the information I needed and took off.
I gave up marathoning (for the meantime) to build muscle and saw crazy changes.
There have been a few things that have tried to detour me.  I developed Shingles in November (it lasted 2 weeks) and just recently got a spasm in my upper/mid back from changing 10 45lb weight plates on a leg press.  I twisted wrong and felt a jolt.  I had to take off a week off of training and get xrays, CT scan, and the crap scared of you (not really but a little).  But, it healed on its own and I was back at it!

I gave up social media (Facebook and Instagram) for the time being and it has been so freeing.  Not seeing unnecessary drama and obsessing over how I should be looking for this competition helps me focus on ME.
This blog is my last social cord.  It was here before Facebook and Instagram.  I will continue to use it over time just to let my voice heard and to declare that I believe God is doing a work in me.  I cannot wait to fulfill an ultimate dream.

"Everything you need is already inside."
Traps with lower fibers are finally forming!

Well, hello there abs!

After much debate, I've decided on the green.

First ever group posing practice with the ladies.

Dallas Rae is my fit idol.  I love her personality and honesty.  And, the body is my goal!