Sunday, August 24, 2008

My Turn is Coming!

This is my first blog. I guess that makes me a "newbie."

I was inspired by a few blogs to begin one of my own and I am curious (so is my husband) to see how long I can keep this up. I may ramble some so bare with me. I hope you enjoy just a glimpse of my life and thoughts thereof.

Most of you know that I have an autoimmune disease called Lupus. I was diagnosed in 2002. The first year was the hardest but God's grace got me and my family through. In 2006, my husband and I decided we wanted to try for another baby. My doctor was very supportive and we had a plan to go off all my medicine and get pregnant by January '07. We were excited and hopeful.

In September '06 I began to develop a rash on my face, this is common in Lupus patients. It feels like a massive sunburn and itches like crazy. My next symptom was hair loss. I had clumps coming out at a time. I got 9 inches cut off to even out the loss. When my doctor noticed these symptoms, he immediately said it was a "flare up" and we had to wait to try later in '07. I was saddened. You always hear about a woman's biological clock ticking for a child and this was a grandfather clock. Everyday I would hear it go off. I trusted that God had a plan for our lives and this child we wanted.

I ran a marathon at the end of April '07. Two weeks later I began swelling. I accumulated 30 lbs of water weight after 1 1/2 months. My doctor said this was a major "flare up" and I had to go back on all of my medicine and then some. I lost all hope at that point. I began to wonder why I had so many dreams of having another child. Other people would tell me dreams they had of me being a mother again. What was going on?

We got through the illness and everything is getting back to "normal." What is normal? I don't think it ever really goes back to what we had before. In that time you are going through the "furnace" you feel like you are being burned but God is purifying you.

I have been wanting a child more than ever these last couple of months. I have witnessed so many friends through myspace, from work, and most importantly my sister, have a baby. I have experienced emotions from being angry, to joy, to sadness, to letting God have every ounce of want for a child.

We attended church today and I heard God. The pastor was talking about how not to be envious of other peoples blessings. God wants us to bless others. Then he said it, "I feel like I need to bring this up. You ladies who want another baby so bad and you see other people having them. Bless them! When you bless others, you are a step closer to your blessing! God hears you! It's coming!"

Wow! All this time I have been saying, "Congratulations! She is so beautiful! I am so happy for you guys!" and telling my sister, "I am so proud of you and I love you." God heard every bit of that. I don't know what God is going to do and I don't mind. I am just going to keep on blessing.

"I will bless those who bless you"-Gen. 12:3