Thursday, April 8, 2010

The Heart Monitor

It's been a little while since I have posted. I have been through a lot the past couple of months and have been experiencing some growth through the process. I know I still have a lot to learn but one thing I am thankful for is God's patience with me.
As most of you know I experienced what the E.R. doctor told me was a panic attack. He explained it as I have surpressed some stress and my body didn't know how to release it so it went in to panic mode. The emotion that it left me with was depression/anxiety. I had some tests done on my thyroid, which came back clear and even had to wear a heart monitor for 10 days to record heartbeats. I was able to run with it, sleep with it, and go everywhere with it. It became a part of me and I relied on it.
One day I was looking over it and it hit me..."the heart monitor is like Jesus." If you really think about it, I had to carry this thing around with me at all times. It was there in case I "panicked," and I had to push a button to record what was going on. It would then send a text message back to you if some action needed to be taken. The heart monitor came with a sensor that I had to wear around my neck like a necklace. Whenever the heart monitor was out of range of the sensor it would beep and I had to be back in range. It's amazing to me how that small heart monitor spoke many things to me. HE's there...The Ultimate Heart Monitor is there. HE is with you at all times and HE waits for you to need HIM. As I write this now, I am reminded of how much HE wanted me to need HIM over the last year and how I didn't reach out. But the amazing thing is how my "sensor" (the holy spirit) spoke to me through this process calling me back. And yet again the Father welcomed me back with open arms.
Going through this "panic attack" only showed me another chance to get back to the Lord...and how HE still loves me. My "sensor" was going off...I was out of range. At that point in my life, I didn't know how to get back BUT I have a "Commander" who showed me and is still showing me.
How about you? Have you gotten out of range? Do you feel your heart needing/wanting more but not sure how to get there? Well, it starts with HIM...The Heart Monitor. You can carry HIM everywhere...well, HE carries you everywhere. You can hit the button if you feel "panic" and you will get an answer. I had to wait 3 weeks to get an answer (from the cardiologists) but during that time, I had to learn to walk away from the "what if's" and O.C.D tendencies. I almost caved to thoughts of "if I did this, then this won't happen." Well, you can't bargain with life...and you definitely can't bargain with God. HE wants you and ALL of you!

"Trust in the Lord with ALL your HEART and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge HIM and HE will make your path straight."-Proverbs 3:5-6

This was revealed to me after walking out of the heart doctors office. It is my life scripture and it speaks more now than ever before.
*The pic I posted is NOT of myself...I googled it. I am not that brave! :)