Yesterday was not a good day.
Yesterday was Mother's Day.
While everyone was busy posting about their moms and all the wonderful posts about their moms, my heart was empty.
I have struggled for years at why my heart feels empty when it comes to my mom. It's very hard to explain.
I didn't grow up in the best home life and that's okay. It took a little while to get to the "okayness" of why I grew up that way but I haven't quite understood the mother/daughter bond...or lack thereof.
I get the bond between my child and I (I absolutely love it) but I have never understood what it's like to be THE child.
I know my parents loved me. I know my mom loved/loves me. But, to the depths of REALLY knowing, I don't understand it.
I am sure this post seems meaningless to some, especially if you've understood your role in your relationships.
For someone like me, I am completely numb at being a daughter to a mother. I don't know what that feels like.
A few weeks ago, there was some misunderstanding between a family member and I. The person totally misunderstood what I was trying to say. Instead of asking me or reaffirming what I said, they completely spread the word around at their interpretation. It caused havoc with some family.
And again, I was left with the thoughts of how I have no one.
Maybe you might view this as a pity party. I really don't.
I look at this as reality.
If you are reading this and you are family, please know this is something the Lord is working out in my heart. It isn't something I am doing on purpose or doing to get back at anyone.
I don't know why my heart is hardened.
To be continued...
|I love, adore, and admire my child. I hope to be like her one day!|