Sunday, June 5, 2011

Grow up!

I have to confess that I am completely torn at the moment.

Torn between trying to keep my 11yr. old a baby and letting her go to grow up.

People say that time flies...but really, it does.

It is hitting me hard lately that I will eventually have to let her go.

It is some parents desire to get their children out of the house someday as grown independent people but a little part of me wants to have a big house with separate wings, so she and her husband can live there. I just don't want to see her grow.

Tonight, as we took Frank on a walk, we noticed a group of children on the porch playing and laughing. Maddy got a little sad. When we got home we sat at the table and talked about why she was so down. "I just feel like I know you want to protect me but sometimes I feel alone. You don't let me go to friends houses or chat with them. I don't even have a cell phone to talk," she says as she's crying heartfelt tears.

Ugh, is this really happening??? Do I tell her about the family friend whose older brother touched me inappropriately when I was 5 yrs. old? Do I tell her the damage and hurt that computers/chatting can do? Do I tell her about the same damage/hurt that can happen through talking and texting?

I had to take a breather when she was saying these things to me...because she was right. I am very protective. There is one thing I pray for Maddy to keep with her always and fear of letting her go is fear of her losing the one thing you can't get back.

I can honestly say that I am trying to let her go as much as I can (in my eyes) but I am sure it is as little as I can in hers.

I was able to open up to her about a few things and not overwhelm her and I know as she gets older she will be able to understand a little more but right now I wish her growing would just stop.

You always say how much others children have grown but you don't really see it with your own until a day like this.

I know that trusting God with your child is what we should do and I know that our children aren't really ours. He is intrusting their little spirits in our hands and trusting that all we have to do is trust Him and we can't go wrong. On a day like this, that is hard to do.

I am going to seek out what the next step is on how to let go more. It may be a slow process but I have to start somewhere.

" much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him." Matthew 7:11 (NLT)

I guess I need to Grow Up about her growing up!?!

1 comment:

Jeremy said...

I'm so proud of you for writing this! It makes me sad at the same time; to realize Maddy is growing up so fast. The picture of her in our old house brought back memories. I don't know how we'll get through this, her growing up, but we will. We are a tight family and I'm happy that I have you to share the parenting with. I love you so much and thank you for being a great Mother to our wonderful daughter.