Sunday, February 13, 2011

"Here Comes the 'SON'..."

Man, a day like this would happen the day before Valentines Day.

Valentines Day is day designated to show your love for someone you hold so close to your heart. A day that feels like the whole world celebrates this one thing...LOVE.

I had/have this blog in mind and couldn't/can't wait to publish it on Valentines Day. A day and blog post dedicated to my one true LOVE...Jesus.

My mom loved/loves to listen to oldies. At the time I was embarrassed but as I got older I learned to feel and appreciate music. I now know why that era was known for good tunes. Creedence Clearwater Revival, Hall and Oates, and of course...The Beatles. Wow, I can feel the way their songs moved me, especially The Beatles. If ever there was something I was going through I could always turn to Paul, John, Ringo, and George to uplift me.

I struggled a lot growing up. I struggled not only with feeling like the "oddball" but I struggled with not feeling loved. You always "know" you are loved but how do you "know" you are loved? I didn't and it took many years for me to truly know what love felt like.

I remember a time when my mom was going through some emotional abuse from my step-dad, the radio was on and "Here Comes the Sun" by The Beatles came on. I remember feeling a roller coaster of emotions for my mom. Hurt for her that she had to go through an emotional beating. Angry at her that I couldn't get a heartfelt hug from her. Love for her because she was my mom and I was drawn for her approval. Even still when I hear this song I get taken back to my teenage years and the emotion that was put into this.

It wasn't until I was 23 that I realized that Jesus was EVERYTHING. He is your dad, mom, best friend, husband, beloved, commander, etc. Anyone you have ever relied on will eventually let you down (because they are human and faulty)...not HIM.

Well, that was today. I felt I reached out to someone many times this weekend and didn't get any feedback. I began to sink down into the depth of sorrow and darkeness. I started to reflect on the all the "bad" things that I had been through in the past and started to feel "justified" on those thoughts.

Then it hit me. The song He played when I felt my moms hurt. He came to my rescue yet again and showed me who WAS and IS the only one who truly knows, loves, and rescues me.

"and call on me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you ,and you will honor me."-Psalm 50:15

The Beatles were right on when they sang, "Here Comes the Sun." I just think they mispelled it.


Anonymous said...

Thank you for this post. I am struggling right now---strangely enough with the same issue of not feeling loved as a child or now. Love the ending to this post *tears rolling down my face* Thanks for the inspiring words!

Wendy said...

Dear Anonymous,
Thank you for your kind words.
I am very sorry to hear you are having struggles.
It definitely hurts and its one of those things where when people say, forgive and can't.
I used to feel condemned at myself for saying I "forgave" my parents but when they did something that hurt me, I fell back into the hurt. I am learning that forgiveness is an everyday thing. Being wrapped up in emotions can feel like an addiction. You feel "safe" with the depression, grief, and worry. You don't know how to let go and recieve, so you continue to wade around in it.
Honestly, letting go hurts some times but the outcome can be so rewarding.
I am still learning, obviously, but I am willing to share my struggles as well as my success with life. :)
Someone shared something with me once. "Christ takes all your sin and sorrow and throws them into a big pond. He puts up a 'NO FISHING' sign in front of it." I have to remember at times not to go back for them.
Thank you for your comment. The Lord does amazing things and HE can do the same with you.
*Praying for you unknown friend*

Anonymous said...

I can so relate to what you said about hanging out in the grief, hurt, and worry. I go through the same thing of thinking I have forgiven and go back to the junk.

I was very impressed by your post 'Don't Panic-Attack' (that post always sticks out in my head) I have gone through panic attacks--not even knowing they were panic attacks. I love your attitude and insight when you were at that point. You are a great writer!

Thanks for the 'No Fishing' analogy---I need to make a 'No Fishing' sign to hang above my kitchen sink! :-)

Have a great weekend!

Wendy said...

Glad to hear "Don't Panic...Attack!" helped you out. Panic Attacks are a very serious thing and when you are going through one, they seem to last forever. The aftermath of one is what lingers in a persons mind. Mind over matter? Well, when you are going through one, its a struggle. Whether you are a Christian or not-you feel hopeless. Counseling and medication helped me out. After talking with a pastor and wondering if I had done something wrong. Its taking on burdens and stress and not dealing with them. That is what brought me to the breaking point.

I have always enjoyed writing. I have found that blogging helps me let out (to the world) what I am feeling and maybe SOMEONE out there can relate. After all, the things you go through aren't just for you to keep to yourself. It's to help others. So, if you decide to become a blogger-let it out! :)

Thanks again Anonymous!