I have been praying lately that I would be a good example of godliness to Madelyn. I feel that since last summer when I was on a high dosage of prednisone (steroids), it has been hard for me to find my "old" self. The old self that prayed for long lengths of time, boldly told people what God says, and was in the Word nonstop. Who I am now is someone trying to peel myself away from the things I clung to during my "mind altering" drug. I could not find God. I cried all the time because I thought he had left me.
Since then I have beaten myself up over why I let myself get this way. I got so down about how I have changed since last summer and I know that in between that time frame I made Madelyn turn her back.
I am training for a hill run in November. I asked Maddy to go with me to Sedgwick County Park so I can train on the "sledding hill." I knew I could run up and down that a couple of times for a good work out. When we pulled up she asked me right away, "do they have stickers?" Not the cute ones that stick to your shirt, the ones that stick to your feet. I knew she was not going to like this. I encouraged her to hop in the grass to avoid getting stuck, because immediately they stuck to me. We ventured up the hill and she counted as I ran up and down. After the 3rd time, I was thirsty and forgot that I left my water bottle at the bottom of the hill. I asked her to get it for me. With hesitation and my guilt of how dry my mouth was, she skiddishly hopped down to get it. When she came back up she was so happy. I told her how proud I was of her for going down there. She said, "I sang to God and told Him, He was my Savior and my God and I wasn't scared." That moment was defining for me. It showed me that Maddy knows where her help comes from.
This morning I decided not to go to church. We have had the busiest week that I wanted time for us to enjoy our home and each other. I told Maddy we were going to clean up some and get some groceries. I had a 3pm class today, so I wanted to get moving. When she was brushing her hair she asked me, "what's sabotage mean?" I told her, "it means to get revenge or tear apart something on purpose with a hateful heart." Then I asked her, "why do you ask?" She told me she thought about it from the song on Rockband. I explained to her that Rockband doesn't have many songs that I like her to sing because of that reason. I did, however, take full advantage of getting on the subject of how the enemy wants to sabotage people and their relationships with God. She then told me, "when we go to Wal-mart I am going to tell them what that song means." We talked about different kinds of songs and then Maddy put her head down and looked sad. "What is wrong?" I asked. She continued to tell me how kids in her class call her ugly. I told her that was another reason why the enemy wants her to feel bad. He wants to sabotage the way she feels about herself, friends, and eventually God. We had the best conversation and I did a little skit showing Maddy how Jesus can enter her life if she follows and is in the Word, and how the enemy can if she is not. We hugged each other and left the house with HOPE. That is what God wants. He wants us to have hope. When we talk about Him, give Him glory, and most importantly in our hearts. In the car we talked about how else we can hear from God. We can ask him to reveal himself in our dreams. Maddy said, "He also can talk to us through our art. In school I drew a picture of two angels and they were guarding a jail. In the jail was the devil and he could not leave. God was standing right in front of the jail too." This lead us into more conversation about the end times. I felt so overwhelmed about how although we did not go to church, I was filled. I felt God had answered so many thoughts of "what I had not done or what else can I do." He showed me that what was planted in Maddy has not left. He has also been showing me through this, is that sabotage is what the enemy wants. I was (with Gods wisdom) answering my own questions when explaining sabotage to Maddy. The enemy doesn't want you to feel like you have friends, he doesn't want you to feel like you are special to God, and He wants you to doubt God is with you. I always knew this but now I really know. When you teach your child God's love, ways, and teachings, they teach you. It is God's hand and love that speak through them. Not only did Maddy learn something so did I. Thank you Jesus!
"Point your kids in the right direction-when they are old they won't be lost." Prov. 22:6 (The Message)