Wednesday, October 6, 2010


This past Sunday our message at church was about "Matters of the Heart." We were unexpecting this message because we were going over a series called "OMG" and talking about different religions. It's amazing how you go through things in your life and God speaks so clear through something. I have to admit I was really enjoying our series and when we walked into church and the message had changed, I was kinda bummed. BUT, God quickly turned that around.
I have been struggling with forgiving someone who I feel wronged against. This person has been going through a lot lately and really "needing" me. I haven't been the best communicator in contacting them a lot and I was confessing to someone that I feel justified not to. I mean I was wronged, I was hurt, I put up with a, I can be this way right? I am sure you know the answer to that.
I have also been seeking God on an issue of me having to ask forgiveness from someone. While praying on these matters I felt the question arise of "if you can't forgive this person how would you feel if someone did that to you?" I had to think about that and it actually made me sad. It humbled me to the point of empathy.
Our pastor said that forgiveness is a choice not a feeling. How true is that. I remember all the time telling people how much I had forgiven this person for "wronging" me and then something would appear that would make me angry and put right back in the place I was before-justifying why I had rights to hold a grudge. How selfish.
Confessing my heart to a friend was a hard thing to do and my heart didn't look so pretty. When the things you think about come out in words, you end up looking rediculous.
This life can be a "tug-o-war" at times. You know you need to pull from this direction because it's what God wants but you end up pulling from that direction because it's what you want. No one wants to get dirty so they do the things that seems easiest to "them."
"What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise."-Romans 7:15 (The Message)

Well, I have decided to get dirty. I'm going to get in the mud and cut the rope that pulls me from one direction to the other. It may get hard, it may get tough, I may get weary...but you will never know until you let go.

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