Winter

Today I felt the "worst" part of my job...saying good-bye to some pretty awesome people. I have to recognize this family for everything they do.

A father in the military as an officer working on his masters degree and a mother (former officer) working as a hospital administrator. Their twin boys were in my classroom and I/we fell in love with them. They also had another son in April of this year.

How do they do it? Going to school, both working full time, raising a set of 2 yr. old twins and a 2 month old. Within the last few months they have been getting ready to PSC and move to another base.

Well, that time was today. This is the day we were dreading since they shared the news that they got orders to another base.

It has been a while since I have cried that hard over something at work.

This family is amazing! Their children are exceptional! The parents have super patience and it reflects through the children, who in return have patience with other children.

How did they become such a great family?

I can see through their pictures, their relatives who come for visits, and in their conversations with each other and their children, that it rooted from being active and attentive in their family. They are not selfish, they are not prideful, they are not overbearing, they are not rude, they are not bitter, they are not fake...they are true role models of humbleness, genuine, and being real. Always smiling and Gods grace all over them. Even in their busy times you would never know they had things going on. Things that some of us would cave under stress.

There are "seasons" in which people are supposed to be in your life and today felt like winter to me.

I am going to miss these children so much and I will miss them because of their parents.

How do you see your kids in the next 5 years? Will they be whining for your attention? Will they be needy because they are lacking something? Will they be TOO reliant on you? Are you overbearing, overlyprotective, or is it YOU that is afraid for your "babies" to grow up and you keep them in a bubble?

We all do hese things to an extent. I mean, I have struggled with many things lately with Maddy...but it hasn't been about HER. Its ME. Take a look inward and see what is it that is most important to you. Is it your job? Facebook? Your hobby? Maybe even church? Too much serving can not only burn you out in the long run, it can burn your children out...now.

First ministry is at home. It's time to prioritize.

Grow up!

I have to confess that I am completely torn at the moment.

Torn between trying to keep my 11yr. old a baby and letting her go to grow up.

People say that time flies...but really, it does.

It is hitting me hard lately that I will eventually have to let her go.

It is some parents desire to get their children out of the house someday as grown independent people but a little part of me wants to have a big house with separate wings, so she and her husband can live there. I just don't want to see her grow.

Tonight, as we took Frank on a walk, we noticed a group of children on the porch playing and laughing. Maddy got a little sad. When we got home we sat at the table and talked about why she was so down. "I just feel like I know you want to protect me but sometimes I feel alone. You don't let me go to friends houses or chat with them. I don't even have a cell phone to talk," she says as she's crying heartfelt tears.

Ugh, is this really happening??? Do I tell her about the family friend whose older brother touched me inappropriately when I was 5 yrs. old? Do I tell her the damage and hurt that computers/chatting can do? Do I tell her about the same damage/hurt that can happen through talking and texting?

I had to take a breather when she was saying these things to me...because she was right. I am very protective. There is one thing I pray for Maddy to keep with her always and fear of letting her go is fear of her losing the one thing you can't get back.

I can honestly say that I am trying to let her go as much as I can (in my eyes) but I am sure it is as little as I can in hers.

I was able to open up to her about a few things and not overwhelm her and I know as she gets older she will be able to understand a little more but right now I wish her growing would just stop.

You always say how much others children have grown but you don't really see it with your own until a day like this.

I know that trusting God with your child is what we should do and I know that our children aren't really ours. He is intrusting their little spirits in our hands and trusting that all we have to do is trust Him and we can't go wrong. On a day like this, that is hard to do.

I am going to seek out what the next step is on how to let go more. It may be a slow process but I have to start somewhere.

"...how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him." Matthew 7:11 (NLT)

I guess I need to Grow Up about her growing up!?!

A Pain... In My Foot!

It has been over 2 years since my first/last injury.

Other than the typical "Runners Knee," I haven't had any problems...until last week.

I noticed this ache in the ball of my left foot. It goes away over night but around 3pm everyday it starts back up again.

Today I decided to google what I am going through and found some interesting information and images. I am not advised to see a doctor unless the pain sticks around for more than a few weeks.

It is called Metatarsalgia. It is pain and inflammation in the ball of your foot.

This has to be the worst pain I have felt in a long time. This aching, throbbing, irritating pain that reminds me it's there with each step.

So, I guess I get to see what cross training, until pain goes away, feels like. I plan to rest it, ice it, and get to know the bike a little more. But hey, at least I get to enjoy that!

What a pain...in my foot!

*I had to throw in an image of someones foot. I am guessing they didn't clip their toenails and it started to dig into their foot. *sigh* OUCH!

Pace Yourself

May 1st is the first best day of my life. On this day, 12 years ago, the Lord brought Jeremy (Babe) and I together in marriage.

I am not big on flowers or froo froo things, so when Babe asked me what I would like for a gift, I said "I would like to run the Wichita 1/2 Marathon" ...and so I did.

Because I am into completing and not competing, I had planned on giving it my all and beating...myself. After all, I can be my best competition.

I woke up this morning at 5:30am and already heard the wind blowing. Ugh, Kansas and it's wind! Now, I really had some voices in my head. "Just quit now. How are you going to PR in this? Who is there to support you? Who cares?" and then I had to "shhh it."

I am going out to give it what I have. I am going out to run because I love it. I am going out to ENJOY what God has allowed me to do. I am going out to run and support others striving for the same goal. I am going to pace myself.

It started out great but ended after mile 8 when I began to feel that side stitch. It didn't fully hit but I did have to take some breaks and walk it out.

When I looked down at my watch and noticed the time, I realized I wouldn't PR and I got discouraged. I then tried to pick up the pace but it didn't work. I ended up having to stop again and rest. I was so thankful for water stops and supporters on the side. Wow, what would we do without those volunteers and encouragers?

My best 1/2 marathon was last April with a 1 hour 53 minute finish. Today it was 2 hours and 1 minute. I was fine with that!

After a good stretch from the awesome volunteers from Wellness Group, I took off to head home. After being a whiner when it comes to ice baths, I did what I knew works for me. My Nestles double chocolate milk, hot bath, cooling eye mask, and ending with a hoodie while watching "The Office" reruns. Of course I had to have a certain cuddler on my lap...Anabelle.

Now that is a way to end a great cold run!

While sitting here and thinking about how much running is like life, I came up with a few things.

Marriage is all about pacing yourself.

You have to fight the voices when you face each day with your spouse. You have to take on Gods image and thoughts of you, and them, when you are headed towards the finish line.Getting ahead of yourself only runs you down, so sometimes you have to take a rest...in Him. Allow others (volunteers) to uplift and nuture you in times of discouragement.

Because weather is unpredictable you have to be prepared to face whatever storms come your way.

There may be times when you have to speed it up some, we don't want to get lazy in this commitment. I mean, sometimes you just have to have faith in what God is directing you to do, even if it doesn't make sense. Being TOO comfortable can lead to laziness which can lead to falling behind.

Finally, your marriage is not like everyone elses. It's your own. Some things may work for you that don't work for others...like ice baths vs. hot baths.

It's not a competition, it's not a contest, it's not a matter of who is better...it's doing what God calls you to do and enjoying it!

Allow God to be your Pacer. Only HE knows what pace you need!

"Brick in the Wall"

In the last blog I poured out my frustration on how I felt about a situation that day. I was in a funky mood about "ME"...and then I realized, "it's not about me."

You know those situations I talked about God using to help me be more sympathetic? Yeah, he did it again today. Practice makes perfect right?

There is this new volunteer at church who started helping me in the class since Jeremy has been gone. I was very welcoming and ready to show her how I time manage the 3 yr olds with worship, cirriculum, snack, and play. The first time she came was great, it was the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th time that didn't seem like I was giving my heart fully to her.

Sure everyone's teaching method is different and no not everyone has patience for child care. I guess I just don't get bothered by some things that others do.

She didn't seem to like when children made a mess or got loud. She wasn't rude to them or mean, I could just tell in her demeanor that she was aggrivated.

One thing about that was her grandson was in my class, so she wanted to serve in there.

Today I went in and was going over the lesson. She happened to walk in and start showing me all the things she had planned for our activities. I listened with an open heart but with my mind already made up on how we were to do this lesson. So I guess I wasn't totally listening to her.

All of a sudden she said, "it's really loud out there. Have you been out there yet?" (Our church had a local classic rock station and band come out to end our "Classic Rock" Sermon on the Mount series.) I said, "no, I haven't but I know it does get loud sometimes." She then said, "I know. The church I came from was not like this. In fact, I was a lot more connected with those people than people from here. You are the only one I've connected with. I don't attend service here. I just come for my grandson."

Immediately my heart was humbled. All that selfishness and frustration I had felt in earlier weeks had vanished.

We then continued the conversation. I was able to hear her heart on some things and it was good.

I listened to her ideas for an activity and it was awesome. She played guitar and brought instruments for the children to play. Since it was Palm Sunday we began to sing "Hosanna" and march around the room rejoicing in what Jesus was doing. I can honestly say I truly felt as if I was welcoming the King while He rode in on a donkey. What a great idea she had!

After we were done teaching we had a great departure. I went in for worship and our band was playing "Brick in the Wall." What church do you know of that plays songs like "Beat It," "Brick in the Wall," and "Sweet Child of Mine" and ties it into the message? Not many. Most churches would call that blasphemous or outrageous. When behind closed doors people listen to that music and think about OTHER things rather than God when listening to them. They don't tie any of those songs to something God is doing or has done.

Well, while I was listening to "Brick in the Wall" and embarrassing Maddy by rockin' out (haha), I felt the Lord speak about that song. He said, "some people feel like they are just another brick in the wall but they aren't. The maker (ME) carefully made them the way they are and they are planted where they are for a reason." and it made me think about EVERYONE I had felt I was angry at last week for being rediculous.

Although they have areas in their life that "I" feel can be better by attitudes, my attitude was not right.

Maybe they didn't see that part of me...or maybe they did. Whatever that looks like only matters to ONE person...HIM, because it is only then I can begin to truly care.

"Preach the gospel at all times and when necessary use words."-St. Francis of Assisi

"Your walk speaks louder than your words."-(Unknown to me)

So, I ask you "what does your walk look like?" Are you the obvious, dreading, 'please don't need me to do something', 'please don't ask me for prayer', 'please don't go into a long life story',-kind of Christian or are you the hidden one, the fake one, the 'I'll be nice to your face but roll my eyes later at how rediculous you are.'

God doesn't do that us, so why would we to others?

Like I said before, I'm still learning. I don't want to be a "don't" attitude anymore. I want a "want" attitude.

By the way, I used to think that the song title "Brick in the Wall" was "Breaking the Law"...until a few years ago!

With Sympathy

I have been struggling lately with being sympathetic towards some lately. Perhaps, its the rediculousness I see. Does that make it right??? I have fought with myself time and time again about not having a "sweet soul" or compassionate heart. I then started realizing that that is just not me. I believe that God brings me to situations to where I can practice it but overall, I'm just not. I'm not sympathetic to the attention seeker. I'm not encouraging to the prideful person who already KNOWS what they want me to say. I don't have a lending ear to the one who brags about every materialistic thing they own and yet struggles with inner peace but isn't ready to find a way out. I got a phone call recently from someone that I "fleshly" dreaded to answer. I answered it and it was the same story. You ask me how I am and the minute I am done saying, "I am well, how are you?" I hear all about everyone elses issues. I have backed away from those situations and I am wondering how much more do I need to back away...or do I at all? Love isn't rude, Love isn't self-seeking, Love isn't boastful, Love isn't proud...right? Man, what is my problem?!?

The photo is of Morrison. We call his look a "not impressed" look. I guess even animals can show you how to live...because even though we get this look all the time, he still loves us and wants to be around us.

#stilllearning

Stretching, I will...

Okay so the title of this blog isn't TOOOO funny but everytime I think of Yoga, I think of Yoda.

I never really took interest in stretching. I have been a "runner" for 6 years now and could probably count on all my fingers and toes the number of times I actually "stretched." I wanted to be better not only for running but for my mental health as well.

So, for the past 3 months I have been an avid stretcher by taking yoga at the YMCA. I love it!

Now, I am not into all the logistics of Yoga. I do not "hummmm" or "pray to the gods of poses" but I do believe it has helped me physically, which in return helps me mentally and the other way around. I have successfully held poses for the amount of time required and actually felt my heart be glad (like I would in a race) when I accomplish such difficult moves.

I feel great and even notice my posture changing.

This new road of physical fitness has been amazing. I thought a marathon was something but in reality it was just a small glimpse of what God can do through you if you allow it. When you are in that moment with yourself and your "weakness"-push through.

Yoga has shown me how to focus, relax, perservere, discpline yourself, and push through. I am not sure where this will take me, but I am pretty excited to find out!

"No discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it yields the fruit of peace and righteousness to those who have been trained by it."-Hebrews 12:11

"May the force be with you."-Yoda