From Lame to Leaping

"I just came to Hello..."

2011-12-03T07:38:00.000-08:00

Since this blog can be like a diary to me, I do feel lost when I am not up to date with things.

It has been a few months since my last post so I thought I would quickly jot down a few things.

First off, my hubby came home! We survived our first 6 month deployment (the past ones have been 4 months)! It was a great reunion at the airport with the patriot guard showing up and some squadron support. For a moment, I felt as if we were thanking the people for their support more than my husband for his duty. We were so humbled by the love that surrounded us.

Maddy is now in middle school and it was one of the hardest things I had to go through but I survived. Letting your child grow up and learn on their own is not easy-but I guess the Lord feels that way when we are brokenhearted at our own expense. Its amazing how I forget that I am a "learning" child as much as she is to me.

Frank is getting so big and actually used our "cheap" couch upstairs as a huge chewtoy. We come home every now and then to some shreds on the floor. We discipline him and then love him. He has filled a gap that seemed to be left open in my heart. It's awesome!

Anabelle and Morrison are doing well...as well. They are getting old in their age and at times I see Morrison struggling to walk upstairs-I'm pretty sure he has arthritis. They are in their late 60's according to cat years. I never thought I would love cats but these two changed my heart. I am thankful for them and their old souls.

I have been feeling great! Occasional arthritis in the wrist and shoulder but only with weather change. Other than that, I can proudly say I still enjoy the runs and weight training. I have put on 10 pounds of muscle in the last year. I feel healthier and so much better about the overall care of my joints and muscles.

FACT- LSU is EPIC (Maddys favorite word). FACT-they beat Alabama and Arkansas, with that being the only thing I cared about this season! Coca-Cola is the only red and white colors worthy to be called "classic"! Roll Tide and WPS (Woo Pig Sooie) are done! Haha!

I am so thankful for all that we have gone through this past year. It has brought us closer as a family and taught us many things along the way! God is still and will continue to keep working in our hearts, revealing himself to us in every way. We always need to be alert and attentive. Why would we want to miss something?

I am sorry if this seems so bland-I started to feel like I had abandoned this thing and now that I am back, I am not sure what to say! Soooo, in honor of the song that gets stuck in my head over and over...

"I just came to say Hello!"-Martin Solveig

Oh, and BTW-I am super excited about the upcoming flicks:

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo-Dec. 21st

Hunger Games-March 2012

Abraham Lincoln-Summer 2012

heehee!

Winter

2011-06-30T18:56:00.000-07:00

Today I felt the "worst" part of my job...saying good-bye to some pretty awesome people. I have to recognize this family for everything they do.

A father in the military as an officer working on his masters degree and a mother (former officer) working as a hospital administrator. Their twin boys were in my classroom and I/we fell in love with them. They also had another son in April of this year.

How do they do it? Going to school, both working full time, raising a set of 2 yr. old twins and a 2 month old. Within the last few months they have been getting ready to PSC and move to another base.

Well, that time was today. This is the day we were dreading since they shared the news that they got orders to another base.

It has been a while since I have cried that hard over something at work.

This family is amazing! Their children are exceptional! The parents have super patience and it reflects through the children, who in return have patience with other children.

How did they become such a great family?

I can see through their pictures, their relatives who come for visits, and in their conversations with each other and their children, that it rooted from being active and attentive in their family. They are not selfish, they are not prideful, they are not overbearing, they are not rude, they are not bitter, they are not fake...they are true role models of humbleness, genuine, and being real. Always smiling and Gods grace all over them. Even in their busy times you would never know they had things going on. Things that some of us would cave under stress.

There are "seasons" in which people are supposed to be in your life and today felt like winter to me.

I am going to miss these children so much and I will miss them because of their parents.

How do you see your kids in the next 5 years? Will they be whining for your attention? Will they be needy because they are lacking something? Will they be TOO reliant on you? Are you overbearing, overlyprotective, or is it YOU that is afraid for your "babies" to grow up and you keep them in a bubble?

We all do hese things to an extent. I mean, I have struggled with many things lately with Maddy...but it hasn't been about HER. Its ME. Take a look inward and see what is it that is most important to you. Is it your job? Facebook? Your hobby? Maybe even church? Too much serving can not only burn you out in the long run, it can burn your children out...now.

First ministry is at home. It's time to prioritize.

Grow up!

2011-06-05T18:33:00.000-07:00

I have to confess that I am completely torn at the moment.

Torn between trying to keep my 11yr. old a baby and letting her go to grow up.

People say that time flies...but really, it does.

It is hitting me hard lately that I will eventually have to let her go.

It is some parents desire to get their children out of the house someday as grown independent people but a little part of me wants to have a big house with separate wings, so she and her husband can live there. I just don't want to see her grow.

Tonight, as we took Frank on a walk, we noticed a group of children on the porch playing and laughing. Maddy got a little sad. When we got home we sat at the table and talked about why she was so down. "I just feel like I know you want to protect me but sometimes I feel alone. You don't let me go to friends houses or chat with them. I don't even have a cell phone to talk," she says as she's crying heartfelt tears.

Ugh, is this really happening??? Do I tell her about the family friend whose older brother touched me inappropriately when I was 5 yrs. old? Do I tell her the damage and hurt that computers/chatting can do? Do I tell her about the same damage/hurt that can happen through talking and texting?

I had to take a breather when she was saying these things to me...because she was right. I am very protective. There is one thing I pray for Maddy to keep with her always and fear of letting her go is fear of her losing the one thing you can't get back.

I can honestly say that I am trying to let her go as much as I can (in my eyes) but I am sure it is as little as I can in hers.

I was able to open up to her about a few things and not overwhelm her and I know as she gets older she will be able to understand a little more but right now I wish her growing would just stop.

You always say how much others children have grown but you don't really see it with your own until a day like this.

I know that trusting God with your child is what we should do and I know that our children aren't really ours. He is intrusting their little spirits in our hands and trusting that all we have to do is trust Him and we can't go wrong. On a day like this, that is hard to do.

I am going to seek out what the next step is on how to let go more. It may be a slow process but I have to start somewhere.

"...how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him." Matthew 7:11 (NLT)

I guess I need to Grow Up about her growing up!?!

A Pain... In My Foot!

2011-05-17T16:09:00.000-07:00

It has been over 2 years since my first/last injury.

Other than the typical "Runners Knee," I haven't had any problems...until last week.

I noticed this ache in the ball of my left foot. It goes away over night but around 3pm everyday it starts back up again.

Today I decided to google what I am going through and found some interesting information and images. I am not advised to see a doctor unless the pain sticks around for more than a few weeks.

It is called Metatarsalgia. It is pain and inflammation in the ball of your foot.

This has to be the worst pain I have felt in a long time. This aching, throbbing, irritating pain that reminds me it's there with each step.

So, I guess I get to see what cross training, until pain goes away, feels like. I plan to rest it, ice it, and get to know the bike a little more. But hey, at least I get to enjoy that!

What a pain...in my foot!

*I had to throw in an image of someones foot. I am guessing they didn't clip their toenails and it started to dig into their foot. *sigh* OUCH!

Pace Yourself

2011-05-01T10:42:00.000-07:00

May 1st is the first best day of my life. On this day, 12 years ago, the Lord brought Jeremy (Babe) and I together in marriage.

I am not big on flowers or froo froo things, so when Babe asked me what I would like for a gift, I said "I would like to run the Wichita 1/2 Marathon" ...and so I did.

Because I am into completing and not competing, I had planned on giving it my all and beating...myself. After all, I can be my best competition.

I woke up this morning at 5:30am and already heard the wind blowing. Ugh, Kansas and it's wind! Now, I really had some voices in my head. "Just quit now. How are you going to PR in this? Who is there to support you? Who cares?" and then I had to "shhh it."

I am going out to give it what I have. I am going out to run because I love it. I am going out to ENJOY what God has allowed me to do. I am going out to run and support others striving for the same goal. I am going to pace myself.

It started out great but ended after mile 8 when I began to feel that side stitch. It didn't fully hit but I did have to take some breaks and walk it out.

When I looked down at my watch and noticed the time, I realized I wouldn't PR and I got discouraged. I then tried to pick up the pace but it didn't work. I ended up having to stop again and rest. I was so thankful for water stops and supporters on the side. Wow, what would we do without those volunteers and encouragers?

My best 1/2 marathon was last April with a 1 hour 53 minute finish. Today it was 2 hours and 1 minute. I was fine with that!

After a good stretch from the awesome volunteers from Wellness Group, I took off to head home. After being a whiner when it comes to ice baths, I did what I knew works for me. My Nestles double chocolate milk, hot bath, cooling eye mask, and ending with a hoodie while watching "The Office" reruns. Of course I had to have a certain cuddler on my lap...Anabelle.

Now that is a way to end a great cold run!

While sitting here and thinking about how much running is like life, I came up with a few things.

Marriage is all about pacing yourself.

You have to fight the voices when you face each day with your spouse. You have to take on Gods image and thoughts of you, and them, when you are headed towards the finish line.Getting ahead of yourself only runs you down, so sometimes you have to take a rest...in Him. Allow others (volunteers) to uplift and nuture you in times of discouragement.

Because weather is unpredictable you have to be prepared to face whatever storms come your way.

There may be times when you have to speed it up some, we don't want to get lazy in this commitment. I mean, sometimes you just have to have faith in what God is directing you to do, even if it doesn't make sense. Being TOO comfortable can lead to laziness which can lead to falling behind.

Finally, your marriage is not like everyone elses. It's your own. Some things may work for you that don't work for others...like ice baths vs. hot baths.

It's not a competition, it's not a contest, it's not a matter of who is better...it's doing what God calls you to do and enjoying it!

Allow God to be your Pacer. Only HE knows what pace you need!

"Brick in the Wall"

2011-04-17T16:41:00.000-07:00

In the last blog I poured out my frustration on how I felt about a situation that day. I was in a funky mood about "ME"...and then I realized, "it's not about me."

You know those situations I talked about God using to help me be more sympathetic? Yeah, he did it again today. Practice makes perfect right?

There is this new volunteer at church who started helping me in the class since Jeremy has been gone. I was very welcoming and ready to show her how I time manage the 3 yr olds with worship, cirriculum, snack, and play. The first time she came was great, it was the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th time that didn't seem like I was giving my heart fully to her.

Sure everyone's teaching method is different and no not everyone has patience for child care. I guess I just don't get bothered by some things that others do.

She didn't seem to like when children made a mess or got loud. She wasn't rude to them or mean, I could just tell in her demeanor that she was aggrivated.

One thing about that was her grandson was in my class, so she wanted to serve in there.

Today I went in and was going over the lesson. She happened to walk in and start showing me all the things she had planned for our activities. I listened with an open heart but with my mind already made up on how we were to do this lesson. So I guess I wasn't totally listening to her.

All of a sudden she said, "it's really loud out there. Have you been out there yet?" (Our church had a local classic rock station and band come out to end our "Classic Rock" Sermon on the Mount series.) I said, "no, I haven't but I know it does get loud sometimes." She then said, "I know. The church I came from was not like this. In fact, I was a lot more connected with those people than people from here. You are the only one I've connected with. I don't attend service here. I just come for my grandson."

Immediately my heart was humbled. All that selfishness and frustration I had felt in earlier weeks had vanished.

We then continued the conversation. I was able to hear her heart on some things and it was good.

I listened to her ideas for an activity and it was awesome. She played guitar and brought instruments for the children to play. Since it was Palm Sunday we began to sing "Hosanna" and march around the room rejoicing in what Jesus was doing. I can honestly say I truly felt as if I was welcoming the King while He rode in on a donkey. What a great idea she had!

After we were done teaching we had a great departure. I went in for worship and our band was playing "Brick in the Wall." What church do you know of that plays songs like "Beat It," "Brick in the Wall," and "Sweet Child of Mine" and ties it into the message? Not many. Most churches would call that blasphemous or outrageous. When behind closed doors people listen to that music and think about OTHER things rather than God when listening to them. They don't tie any of those songs to something God is doing or has done.

Well, while I was listening to "Brick in the Wall" and embarrassing Maddy by rockin' out (haha), I felt the Lord speak about that song. He said, "some people feel like they are just another brick in the wall but they aren't. The maker (ME) carefully made them the way they are and they are planted where they are for a reason." and it made me think about EVERYONE I had felt I was angry at last week for being rediculous.

Although they have areas in their life that "I" feel can be better by attitudes, my attitude was not right.

Maybe they didn't see that part of me...or maybe they did. Whatever that looks like only matters to ONE person...HIM, because it is only then I can begin to truly care.

"Preach the gospel at all times and when necessary use words."-St. Francis of Assisi

"Your walk speaks louder than your words."-(Unknown to me)

So, I ask you "what does your walk look like?" Are you the obvious, dreading, 'please don't need me to do something', 'please don't ask me for prayer', 'please don't go into a long life story',-kind of Christian or are you the hidden one, the fake one, the 'I'll be nice to your face but roll my eyes later at how rediculous you are.'

God doesn't do that us, so why would we to others?

Like I said before, I'm still learning. I don't want to be a "don't" attitude anymore. I want a "want" attitude.

By the way, I used to think that the song title "Brick in the Wall" was "Breaking the Law"...until a few years ago!

With Sympathy

2011-04-10T11:24:00.000-07:00

I have been struggling lately with being sympathetic towards some lately. Perhaps, its the rediculousness I see. Does that make it right??? I have fought with myself time and time again about not having a "sweet soul" or compassionate heart. I then started realizing that that is just not me. I believe that God brings me to situations to where I can practice it but overall, I'm just not. I'm not sympathetic to the attention seeker. I'm not encouraging to the prideful person who already KNOWS what they want me to say. I don't have a lending ear to the one who brags about every materialistic thing they own and yet struggles with inner peace but isn't ready to find a way out. I got a phone call recently from someone that I "fleshly" dreaded to answer. I answered it and it was the same story. You ask me how I am and the minute I am done saying, "I am well, how are you?" I hear all about everyone elses issues. I have backed away from those situations and I am wondering how much more do I need to back away...or do I at all? Love isn't rude, Love isn't self-seeking, Love isn't boastful, Love isn't proud...right? Man, what is my problem?!?

The photo is of Morrison. We call his look a "not impressed" look. I guess even animals can show you how to live...because even though we get this look all the time, he still loves us and wants to be around us.

#stilllearning

Stretching, I will...

2011-03-25T15:35:00.000-07:00

Okay so the title of this blog isn't TOOOO funny but everytime I think of Yoga, I think of Yoda.

I never really took interest in stretching. I have been a "runner" for 6 years now and could probably count on all my fingers and toes the number of times I actually "stretched." I wanted to be better not only for running but for my mental health as well.

So, for the past 3 months I have been an avid stretcher by taking yoga at the YMCA. I love it!

Now, I am not into all the logistics of Yoga. I do not "hummmm" or "pray to the gods of poses" but I do believe it has helped me physically, which in return helps me mentally and the other way around. I have successfully held poses for the amount of time required and actually felt my heart be glad (like I would in a race) when I accomplish such difficult moves.

I feel great and even notice my posture changing.

This new road of physical fitness has been amazing. I thought a marathon was something but in reality it was just a small glimpse of what God can do through you if you allow it. When you are in that moment with yourself and your "weakness"-push through.

Yoga has shown me how to focus, relax, perservere, discpline yourself, and push through. I am not sure where this will take me, but I am pretty excited to find out!

"No discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it yields the fruit of peace and righteousness to those who have been trained by it."-Hebrews 12:11

"May the force be with you."-Yoda

SPRING (give her a) BREAK!

2011-03-21T09:32:00.000-07:00

Well, it's here! The time that all students (elementary, middle school, high school, and college) wait for...SPRING BREAK!

It's that break that's not too cold, not too hot, and means that it's almost time for school to be over and on to the next chapter.

While some of our friends are making trips to Cancun or Kansas City...we are making a trip to the hospital.

Even though Maddy has done well with weight gain, her lung function hasn't improved much since November. It was time to make a move.

I took some leave during the week of Spring Break so we could head down to Louisiana but it didn't work out that way.

Maddy was pretty upset when she first found out we had to go to the hospital and who wouldn't be. So, even though Maddy has to tough it out this week (and next) for the better of her health, we have decided to postpone the fun of Spring Break for another time.

Instead, we tried to find some positives in being in the hospital. Maddy gets to wear her pajamas all day long, she gets to eat junk food all day long, she rode in a wheelchair, I fed some things to her, she got to watch her channel all day long, and play her DSi. I know that it is easy for me to see the good in a "tough" situation but I also have to get to her level too.

Right before they did the I.V. I noticed a change in Maddy's demeanor. "Maddy, it's okay to cry," I said to her, "you don't always have to be strong." Then she cried. I hugged her and kissed her forehead and then the nurse walked in. I then noticed her demeanor change again...it was "GO" time. She took it like a champ and was ready to "fight." Maddy is ready to fight C.F.

We don't always know the things that will happen. People say to have faith. I think that is true but I also believe "Thy will be done." God is so merciful, sovereign, and just. I know HE doesn't like seeing Maddy go through physical pain...so much more with emotional pain. It hurts HIM as well. We just lean on HIM and trust.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on YOUR own understanding."-Prov. 3:5

Convicted

2011-03-17T17:05:00.000-07:00

I don't know about you but whenever I feel convicted, it stings.

It's like you are trapped. You know what you should be doing and when you don't, God convicts. Sometimes conviction hurts and sometimes it's just beautiful.

This past week I learned that my cousin, Charles, was convicted and sentenced to 30 years in prison for violating probation and drug charges.

Charles was my favorite cousin growing up. His mom is my moms sister and they were close, which meant WE were close.

Charles was my protector and I always knew I could count on him to be there.

Years went by and our families went separate ways.

Charles and I would no longer see each other except for major holidays. He would get married and have children, as would I. We did what everyone else had done...we grew up.

After a motorcycle accident a few years ago, Charles seemed to have distanced himself from everyone and everything.

I remember going to Louisiana during Thanksgiving in November 2008. I couldn't wait to see Charles. As he was walking up to my grandmothers porch, I ran up to greet him and hug him. He hugged me back and his response to me was, "I'm not sure who you are but...okay."

He then walked past me and I was left standing there in shock. Did he really not know who I was?

I talked with some family members and they told me to just hang in there that he was just struggling with some things.

*Divorce, medical discharge from motorcycle accident, loss of friends, not having a heart to see his children, pain killers, sudden death of new wife, etc.* What do you mean he was struggling with SOME things? I'd say he was struggling with a lot.

It all caught up with him on the night he was caught speeding and busted for drugs.

There is a lot more to Charles than just all that. He was missing some things while growing up. He was missing his dad. His dad cut out on him as an infant. His mom remarried when Charles was 3 years old and that man adopted Charles. Charles called him daddy. Later on Charles parents would divorce and daddy would no longer be active in Charles life.

You see, we are all like Charles in some way or another. We have this sin in our lives that we allow to overrule. It's one thing after another and keeps getting piled up until one day we get caught. It's easier to point out the "obvious" sinner rather than take a look at the sinner in secret...which is you/me. We can tend to make everything look "perfect" on the outside but inwardly struggle with who we are.

Charles was going through a rough time and he kept pushing it. Now he has to deal with the conviction of the law, his family, but most of all his God.

Growing up Charles was always there for me. He protected me, cared for me, and loved me. I think it's time for me to step up and give back to him what he gave to me.

I wrote him a letter for the first time this past week. I am praying for a conviction in heart for the convicted. God is the judge and HE will give Charles the ruling he needs...lovingly.

"...My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you."-Hebrews 12:5

"Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent."-Revelation 3:19

Charles-your name means "man" or "manly." I don't think that means you have to be "tough" to be a "man." Be humble and allow God to soften your heart. I know you grew up thinking you had to be the "man" for your mom and a "man" to your dad. There is only one type of "man" you should be...a God-fearing, God-loving, God-admiring, God-focused...man. I love you!

My Own Worst Enemy...

2011-03-06T16:08:00.000-08:00

I have been loving Netflix! I have enjoyed the 'documentaries' on there. But I have to say my most favorite things to watch are seasons of "Intervention" and "Obsessed" season 1.

I have always loved psychology. The way the mind works and mental illnesses have always moved me. I want to know more about people and if they are struggling, mentally, with things...what caused it and let's get to the root. Doesn't that excite you? :)

After taking psychology classes and really being interested in OCD, depression, and schizophrenia, I realized that these illnesses aren't just something these people are choosing to do. It's deep rooted and that is what made me want to be a part of helping others.

When I was 9 years old my mom took me to a psychologist. I remember, in Louisiana, it being this old white victorian house that was turned into a clinic. I walked up creaky stairs with a bag of "Cap'n Crunch" in a bag and sat on a wooden bench, waiting on the doctor to call me in. I wasn't nervous. My mom had told me that we were going so I could tell the doctor why I was angry at my dad. Was I angry? I didn't know I was.

The lady gave me a white piece of paper and crayons. She asked me to draw a "typical" day of what my home life looked like. I began to draw the first thing that stuck in my mind. It was a day when my step dad and mom were arguing and locked us (kids) outside in the backyard to play. I didn't feel right that day as I swung on the tire swing and tried to go inside (to check on my mom) but when I tried to open the sliding glass door, it was locked. I remember being scared that day for what was happening on the other side of the door.

I described the picture to the doctor and my mom was called in to discuss what was going on in the picture. I never went back to the clinic after that day.

Fast forward 21 years to January 17, 2010. I was getting to bed early due to having to run a long distance the next morning. Jeremy and Maddy were downstairs watching t.v. As I laid down and began to relax it happened. Dizziness, heart racing, heavy breathing, heavy chest, slurring speech, and not recognizing my surroundings. I ran downstairs and it kept hitting me. Was I having a heart attack? I had never experienced anything like this in my life.

After suffering all weekend with this feeling, I went to the E.R. They ran test after test all to find out it was a panic attack.

They prescribed me medication (which I didn't take) and sent me on my way.

The panic itself was enough to drive me mad but it was the months that followed that kept my mind busy.

I had developed some OCD tendencies by not washing clothes, cleaning house, and picking my left eyebrow hair until there was nothing left. I am sure that sounds weird but MY mind was telling me that if I washed clothes or cleaned house, that meant I was preparing to die. So, I lived by the "I'm not going to do ____ for fear of dying," in everything I did.

I had also developed depression. I would cry while making dinner, not wear make up or decent clothes to work, I quit running and socializing. The turning point for me was when I was driving down the road and a voice told me to "run into that light pole and die." After telling Jeremy about that, he encouraged me to go see a doctor and I did.

It was amazing to me the road trip MY mind was taking me on. It was scary, dark, and desolate. No one could understand. I lost hair to the point of balding. I was an "eyebrow" puller (I did this to not confront the anxiety). I lost weight. I lost friendships and relationships over it. I tried to describe to these people the best way I could about the torment and feelings I was having but it was like hitting a brick wall. It took over.

I sought Christian counseling and discovered the root to why I had been through the valley. It was a mental breakdown because I had taken on some burdens and emotions that I couldn't let God have. I was afraid to let them go. Already knowing the outcome, I tried to hold on to those things for as long as I could. I remember getting a "warning" from God about a month prior to the panic attack but I ignored it. Consequently I had to endure some mentally tough months.

I had studied these things, so I should know what to do right? Wrong. It is out of your control. EVERYTHING is out of your control. Why are we holding on things we don't need to? Why are we not allowing God to handle things? Why do we visit those dark places over and over again only to feel pain?

It was by grace that I was able to and continue to get through. The grace of God.

You hear people say that all the time but when I say it, I feel it. He loves me that much to stick beside me. I mean, I didn't let Him take control of those areas in my life and it brought me to my knees...and He is still here.

I don't pick my eyebrow hair anymore because of anxiety, it's mainly a habit when I'm doing homework...or blogging, oops! My hair is finally growing back, woohoo! I am also still VERY interested in psychology...so much more now!

"Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, But a good word makes it glad."-Proverbs 12:25

I guess you could say I hit "rock bottom" and God held an Intervention. I accepted because I needed to be free. Free from my own worst enemy...ME.

Stay Tuned...

2011-02-27T15:58:00.000-08:00

I have talked about how much music speaks to me repeatedly in my blogs. I have talked about how awesome it is to hear God and feel what He is saying through the music. Well, He can also convict you through it as well.

I felt the Lord calling me to check my heart when I listen to music. It was one of those things where I didn't really feel it was affecting me too much but the more I listened to certain things the more I felt myself falling into my old thinking patterns.

This may sound completely rediculous to people who aren't into God or people who aren't willing to change and that's okay. Not everyone goes through the same transformation of heart at the same time. Mine just happens to be the right time and I bet when convictions happen to you, it will be at the right time as well.

If you think about it, we all have this desire to sing and sing loud! I sing loud everyday and it sounds a little like this..."the wheels on the bus go round and round" and "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star." Children love those songs. They love to do motions to them, dance to them, and sing loud to them. Music moves people.

When I run and workout I like to listen to any and all kinds of music, but my favorites are Enrique Iglesias, Katy Perry, and Pit Bull. If you listen to any of these types of music you will know that the rhythm pumps you up. But as the rhythm speaks to you, so do the words..."My girlfriends out of town and I'm all alone," "You're hot then you're cold, you're yes then you're no," "Baby I don't care, I don't care what they say" and I could go on.

This past week I have been struggling mentally with things and I kept feeling the conviction on my heart that it is rooted in the music I am listening to. The crazy thing is, it's not related to the ones I listed above, although those have played a part in my attitude at times. It comes from the songs that make me feel blue, on purpose.

After today's message about asking God what exactly it is that I need to change and what it is exactly I need to do...I now know.

For the time being I have to say good-bye to an artist. This artist doesn't really offer much but broken hearts and sadness.

Bono (from U2) once said, "it's okay to sing the blues" and I agree. I think there are times in our lives when we have to. I also think that when those times pass, not to relive them time and time again by feeding into the sorrow.

Why does music have such an affect? Because we were meant to worship. Our hearts yearn to rejoice and be glad. That is why when we hear songs to lift up the Lord our souls get so excited and overwhelmed because we are singing to our King.

So, why would we want to relive and go back to tough times? If our God has delivered us from it....stay away from it.

Are you having a hard time with what goes in your mind? If not for sadness' sake, how about prides' sake? What about lusts' sake? How about angers' sake?

I am not saying that all music is bad or that any is. I LOVE music! I LOVE concerts! I LOVE anything that makes my soul move. I just think that it has ways that can speak to the soul and its time to start feeding it right. I am not sure how I will be on this road to conviction but it was freeing to hear the Word speak directly to the thorn in my flesh. I am ready to sit still long enough to allow God to remove it and bandage it up. I am so thankful His mercies are new everyday.

"All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts..." Ephesians 2:3

"For out of the heart come evil thoughts..." Matthew 15:19

Don't feed the evil thoughts and desires. Stay tuned...into Him!

It's oFEETcial!

2011-02-22T17:48:00.000-08:00

Well, it's official...the warmer weather is approaching!

It is normally this season that my feet go through the terrible training torture.

The heat, swelling, rubbing, peeling, and sweating of my feet make these "dawgs" look horrible. Why do we have toenails anyway? I seriously could go without them!

My original plan was to try and run 2 marathons (in different states) a year but with Jeremy deployed, Maddy in school, and knowing that there is life beyond running-it didn't work out. I know everything has a purpose and I have enjoyed the journey of rediscovering what I am physically made of. I have decided to wait until November to feel the joy of completing that 26.2 again!

I have also been training with my good friend, Sarah, and getting her prepared for her first half-marathon on May 1st. It is amazing how "breathing life" into others can change who you are. I have enjoyed our talks on every run. I am so thankful for her and how completely honest I can be and not feel judged. I mean, isn't that what the Lord would want? He already knows our hearts. So, why not share the depths of it with someone who can uplift, encourage, and be honest back with you?

There was a runner who once said to me, "you never stop training" and he was right. You are always training...in life.

How is your training going? Are you encouraging others? Are you uplifting others? Are you giving to others? What about those that you feel are less deserving of God's love? Are you harboring bitterness? Are you being prideful of your relationship with the Lord? HE is for EVERYONE and you can't fully receive what God has for you if you aren't helping others in the sport.

Training won't always look pretty. You may get discouraged, you may have setbacks, and you may, at times, feel defeated. Keep going! When you reach the goal, you will look back and see how hard you trained and the prize will say it all...official!

"All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize."-1 Corinthians 9:25

Are you ready to experience some sweat, swelling, blisters, "loss of toenails," calluses, pain, and all that ending in joy? Get up and lets go! It's time to make this oFEETcial!

"Here Comes the 'SON'..."

2011-02-13T16:36:00.000-08:00

Man, a day like this would happen the day before Valentines Day.

Valentines Day is day designated to show your love for someone you hold so close to your heart. A day that feels like the whole world celebrates this one thing...LOVE.

I had/have this blog in mind and couldn't/can't wait to publish it on Valentines Day. A day and blog post dedicated to my one true LOVE...Jesus.

My mom loved/loves to listen to oldies. At the time I was embarrassed but as I got older I learned to feel and appreciate music. I now know why that era was known for good tunes. Creedence Clearwater Revival, Hall and Oates, and of course...The Beatles. Wow, I can feel the way their songs moved me, especially The Beatles. If ever there was something I was going through I could always turn to Paul, John, Ringo, and George to uplift me.

I struggled a lot growing up. I struggled not only with feeling like the "oddball" but I struggled with not feeling loved. You always "know" you are loved but how do you "know" you are loved? I didn't and it took many years for me to truly know what love felt like.

I remember a time when my mom was going through some emotional abuse from my step-dad, the radio was on and "Here Comes the Sun" by The Beatles came on. I remember feeling a roller coaster of emotions for my mom. Hurt for her that she had to go through an emotional beating. Angry at her that I couldn't get a heartfelt hug from her. Love for her because she was my mom and I was drawn for her approval. Even still when I hear this song I get taken back to my teenage years and the emotion that was put into this.

It wasn't until I was 23 that I realized that Jesus was EVERYTHING. He is your dad, mom, best friend, husband, beloved, commander, etc. Anyone you have ever relied on will eventually let you down (because they are human and faulty)...not HIM.

Well, that was today. I felt I reached out to someone many times this weekend and didn't get any feedback. I began to sink down into the depth of sorrow and darkeness. I started to reflect on the all the "bad" things that I had been through in the past and started to feel "justified" on those thoughts.

Then it hit me. The song He played when I felt my moms hurt. He came to my rescue yet again and showed me who WAS and IS the only one who truly knows, loves, and rescues me.

"and call on me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you ,and you will honor me."-Psalm 50:15

The Beatles were right on when they sang, "Here Comes the Sun." I just think they mispelled it.

C.F.

2011-01-24T17:19:00.000-08:00

I love my Mads G, Tootles, Moo Moo, etc...

By looking at Maddy you would think she is a normal thriving 10 yr. old. Some of the things she loves to do are to write, draw, design on the computer, play with Anabelle our cat, go to Claires to buy jewelry, go on random road trips, and talk Pokemon talk with her friends.

Some of the things she doesn't like to do are breathing treatments, taking pills before she eats (to help gain weight), taking extra vitamins, exercising her lungs (to loosen up mucus), doctor appointments, etc.

Maddy has Cystic Fibrosis. It's a cell disease that affects the lung and digestive system.

I never see my child having a disease. It's when we go to those CF check ups and Maddy has to have a facemask to cover her mouth is when I realize Maddy has to try and breathe clean air.

We had an appt. last week to check up on her weight. The doctors were a little worried because she hadn't been gaining properly. Maddy was so nervous to go to this check up in fear of not doing what the doctors wanted her to do.

Well, she did it! Weighing almost 80 lbs. at this weigh in, the doctors were overjoyed. I saw Maddys whole face change. That change gave her hope.

As a toddler and preschooler, Maddys favorite place to go eat after her appointments were McDonalds. Now that she is a preteen (EEK!) her favorite place to go eat is Panera. She loves the broccoli cheddar soup in a bread bowl, with a side of bread. I take great pride in watching her inhale 790 calories of pure bliss...after she takes her pills, of course!

I don't have much to say about CF. I do believe there is a purpose for it. I tell Maddy to hold on tight because when the purpose is revealed, God will show himself and it will be amazing! We tell Maddy, "love CF, live CF, you are CF...you are Christs Follower."

"Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes..."

2011-01-17T04:49:00.000-08:00

"Maybe your going through a midlife crisis," my good friend jokingly says to me. All I can do is laugh! There's no way! I mean, just because I waited until I was in my 30's to get tattoos, a piercing, care about my fitness, buckle down and go to school. Does that mean I am going through a midlife crisis? And isn't that too early to? I don't feel "old" and what would that feel like anyway? I only feel "old" when I eat salsa or ranch dressing and TUMS is my only relief.

So...NO! I am not going through a midlife crisis.

I have always wanted a tattoo. Since my last name was Makepeace, I wanted a tattoo of a peace sign with the word "MAKE" above it and filled in with the Guatemalan flag colors. I am SMH now but then I was sure that is what I wanted. Man, I am so glad I didn't do that.

Twelve years later I get a tattoo of a "fleur de lis" and I love it. It roots from Song of Song 2:2 and I wouldn't change it for anything. This past summer I got a tattoo on my wrist of music notes. It's a reminder of who I worship and how our life is a song.

I heard somewhere that it takes you at least 5 years to think of your first tattoo and 5 minutes to think of your next one. So true!

I remember being in high school and wanting an eyebrow piercing because someone I looked up to had one. I was too afraid to endure that pain.

Twelve years later, I go with a friend to get the left side of my bottom lip pierced and I loved it! But, after 8 days, it started to irritate my gums and I removed it. Now, all that's left is a tiny scar and a photo. Maybe when I'm going through my midlife crisis I will get it repierced.

I wouldn't say that I was THAT athletic in high school. I honestly didn't feel that supported at the time. My brother and sister were the "stars" of basketball and baseball/softball. And that is totally okay, I agree they were amazing. I stuck to what I felt, at the time, was my purpose...singing. I loved choir and show choir. I loved the feeling I got when I would work hard and get a medal for accomplishment.

Eight years later, the tables would turn. I would no longer have that operatic voice but I would regain my support (from Christ) and run!

I know you have heard me say that running changed my life...and it did. It showed me so many things about life that I probably wouldn't have learned had I been athletic in high school or all my life for that matter.

But now, along with running, I have taken it up a notch. I have discovered Zumba, Pilates, and TRX suspension training. I am alternating my fitness and loving every bit of it.

I wasn't encouraged to go to college. College wasn't that big of a deal in my household. It was expensive and we definitely couldn't afford it. So, I just worked.

Eight years later is when my husband says, "you should go to college. I think you would enjoy it." After pushing my fear aside and checking it out, I started. It may take me more time than the average person but that's okay. I think sometimes thats what makes the journey worth the travel. Hard work and the final result. Now, my 10 yr old watches me do homework and talk about college. I even talk about how I have struggles just like her but we just have to do it.

So maybe there are a lot of changes. I am not sure why it all happened in my 30's but I do know because of the tattoo, I wouldn't have been able to minister to a friend who didn't think Gods grace was for her. Getting a piercing, with a friend who has them all over, and having lunch together was a ministry tool. With that time spent I was able to share my story with her. Fitness brings you in close proximity to others, there are ways to share the love of Christ. Going to school is more than a ministry tool, its a testimony. About how it's not too late...for anything.

I wouldn't say it's a midlife "crisis"...maybe a midlife "adventure." Realizing that sometimes you have live outside the box, like Christ did. Use every opportunity as a a tool for Him.

I do realize that some of you disagree and that's okay. I have been confronted, gracefully, by a good friend about the tattoos and all. I have also been encouraged by someone I take advice from in saying that, "if God gives you talents and you misuse them, He will deal with them." So, if you are getting tattoos that glorify God, then whats the problem?

Everyone has something in their life whether it be publicly displayed or in secret.

I would challenge those people to check their spending habits, why do you wearing make up, are you trying to impress someone other than your spouse, are you putting things before your family, are you being prideful in a situation to prove something, is forgiving someone your daily battle, are you doing things in secret, etc... It's all in your heart. You can say one thing to someone and do something else in secret-HE knows!

I have nothing to hide from Christ. HE is the only one who knows ME.

You may change outwardly but its the inside that matters.

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."-Hebrews 13:8

Now, if you'll excuse me I have an appt. to get an industrial bar put in my ear! I'm only kidding, I would never do that...or would I?

Happy New Tears!

2011-01-01T21:32:00.000-08:00

Today was the hardest day! I had to say good-bye to the LOVE of my life, Babe. I have heard that you get used to the military life and the deployments of your spouse. False. You never do.

If you have kept up with the blog, you might have read that we have gone through some things this year, who hasn't? Everyone goes through things. And if you're married, you definitely go through things.

Jeremy and I have been married 11 years and I can honestly say it's better than the day we met. He is my best friend, my love, and my heart. Yes, we have gone through things, he has those little things that irritate me (as do I to him), and we don't always agree on everything. That is what I love about him.

So at midnight while everyone else was setting off fireworks, kissing their loved ones, and singing "auld lang syne" (never understood that song)...we were sleeping. We hung on to each hour last night and tried to savor every bit of it until we fell asleep, we didn't want to see the New Year just yet.

And then it came.

Taking pictures of 'daddy' and his kids, double checking luggage, and gripping on to one another at the airport... his time had come.

It doesn't matter what you have gone through, circumstances can bring you closer or drive you apart.

Marriage is like an oreo. Consider you and your spouse the chocolate wafer part and Jesus the middle...or the good stuff. The middle part of the oreo is the best part. Who likes wafers by themselves? We love the middle part and it taste even better when the cookie is intact and dunked in milk. We have to stick together to fulfill a purpose. Stick to the best part, stick to Jesus.

"Taste and see that the LORD is good..." Psalm 34:8

With that being said, I cried the hardest I have ever cried in a long time and it was good.

"These are a few of my fav-o-rite things..."

2010-12-29T16:11:00.000-08:00

"Ice cream with friends when I had ringworm on my cheek from a child, Maddy spending time with her cousins, Anabelle enjoying some heat in front of the space heater, Frank loving the drive to Arkansas in 'daddys truck', Maddy super excited about finally getting a DSi, Jeremy caught offguard by Batman 'draws', Getting the 'eww' face from Maddy when kissing her cheek, standing in the freezing cold with friends after serving, Jeremy and Maddy making cookies for the gate guards for Christmas, Pictures aren't the same if Maddy isn't making some silly face, Taking 'creeper' pics during trainings at work, Jeremy humbling himself and dressing up for a couples Halloween party (he's done this for me for 3 years now), Morrison snoozing on the radest chair I got from Goodwill, Newlyweds Brett and Nicole help me paint my hallway 'Eggplant', I say 'cheese' and Brynleigh says 'spit up', 'It's the Great Pumpkin Maddy Grist', Being with my little brother and sister for Christmas after 3 years, Anabelle giving me attitude because I put the Christmas shirt on her, and going for a walk with Frankie...and being 'that person' when he pooped on the grass and using a baggy to pick it up!"

"These are a few of my fav-o-rite things..."

"Do You Hear What I Hear?"

2010-12-20T15:47:00.000-08:00

"Said the little lamb to the shephard boy, Do you hear what I hear..."

We have experienced quite a bit this year. Dealing with panic/anxiety due to a breakdown, saying good-bye to friends, my mom getting diagnosed with breast cancer, meeting new and wonderful friends, the birth of my neice, completing my 4th marathon, getting Frank, the death of a friend, and preparing for my husband to leave again.

A lot of things have changed this year but through it all, one thing remained...the voice of the Lord.

During the times of anxiety, I heard "Do not be anxious about anything..."

When saying good-bye to a really good friend, I heard the voice of the Lord say, "For the I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord..."

When my mom got diagnosed with breast cancer and struggled emotionally, I shut down. I wasn't listening to the voice of the Lord. It was when I decided to lay it down and allow God to show me how to love is when I heard the change HE was doing in her. It is a real and authentic change. That alone inspired me.

Meeting Sarah has been a great journey of faith. We talk about everything and our main passion is the Lord. She inspires me to be graceful, motivates me to go for my goals, and encourages me in my "weakness." The voice of the Lord speaks loud through our conversations.

My baby sister had a baby girl. I got to witness this amazing experience and I felt complete joy in the form of laughing, crying, and hope. The voice of the Lord was rejoicing just as much as we were!

Completing my 4th marathon? Well, lets just say I was the voice during that whole run. I pouted at the end and wondered why I felt the way I had...and then I heard the voice say, "you have your own purpose, there are too many states to be completed for you to cry over one." I was done pouting.

Getting Frank has been JOY! I mean that from everything I have. He has helped me with my "mothering" desires. You always hear about a woman's biological clock ticking...well, I don't think mine has ever stopped. I have always wanted more children. Frank is the baby of the family now and he has an amazing personality. I love him!

The death of a co-worker came as a surprise. Along with everyone else, my thought process was blank. I heard the voice of the Lord say, "it could happen just like that" and "only I am the judge."

With Jeremy leaving soon, I haven't really thought about what it's going to be like in the upcoming months. I don't have to think about them because the voice of the Lord has been using the Brandon Heath song, "Your Love" to show me He will be there.

I am learning to end this year with a new beginning. I want to hear HIM through everything!

"With a voice as big as the sea, with a voice as big as the sea"

YOJ

2010-12-05T19:15:00.000-08:00

Man, has God been showing me in small (to others) ways the freedom He can give if we would just take it.

Can you imagine someone trying to give you a gift they made, bought, or handed down to you and you continue to refuse it? Well, it seems that is what I have been doing, closed off as I have been, with an area in my life.

Here is God giving me, with all his heart, a gift but I have continued to turn my head and say it's okay, I can do it on my own. This is the struggle that doesn't have to be, yet I have continued to feed it and allowing it grow.

This month we are learning how to have complete Joy without all the hype and "extras"of Christmas. You know what I mean when I say...shopping, decorating the house to perfection, talking to others about grace, love, and peace, yet refusing it to your own loved ones. Gee wiz, how selfish I have been.

After reading the things we can do to end this year with a new beginning, one goal caught my eye. "Reconnect with a family member, friend, or someone you have been estranged from and make peace with them."

I know God did that on purpose. He knows my struggle with this person and He doesn't want us to live like this anymore. I am the one who has to make this step, I know. This blog is just my accountability and I want to do this, as nervous as I am.

I once heard a pastor say that the true meaning of "JOY" is found in that 3 letter word. Jesus Others You. Sad to say, with this person I have not lived it in that exact order. I lived it in my order, You (me) Others Jesus. And on a good day, You (me) Jesus Others.

God is so patient with me, as with you. I am so thankful He deals a little at a time with us. I don't know what it would be like if He threw everything (sin) from our hearts at us and gave us a deadline to resolve it all by. What a merciful, loving, saving God we have.

What does JOY look like to you?

"St. Patricks Day"

2010-11-30T16:08:00.000-08:00

I struggle. Is that anything new? You struggle. Is that anything new to you?

I have found some victories lately in my life, but along with victories come the opposite. I am willing to admit them. Although, I do wonder if I am just talking to myself when I blog.

I have experienced freedom in forgiveness from others this past year but I struggle with forgiving some. The past keeps coming up every time I feel like I am closer to forgiving. I have breakthrough one day and the next day I am back to where I was and where I don't want to be.
The song "The Cat's in the Cradle" plays like a broken record in an area of my life. I feel justified, at times, to feel that song and at one time said to God, "that's what happens God, I am tired of being hurt."
Not too long ago I was watching seasons of "The Office." (If you watch it, then you know the strange relationship between "Dwight" and "Jim" but if you don't watch it...then you're missing out!) I began watching season 6 and the episode was called "St. Patricks Day." There's a scene where Jim finally comes back to work after being on paternity leave. Dwight messes with him about how his baby will not know who Jim is because he is at work working. He teases him about how the child will think the refrigerator is his father. Dwight tries hard to make Jim feel bad and Jim eventually does. All of a sudden Dwight (and Andy) begin singing..."The Cats in the Cradle."

All I can do is laugh right? I mean, "The Office" is funny!
At that moment I did laugh. A song that normally makes me feel rebellious in my attitude toward this life situation made me laugh.
Can I ask you a question? Why is it so hard to let go and forgive someone for letting you down, time and time again? And why is it so hard to give, like Jesus would, your heart in their time of desperate emotional need? Someone out there needs my emotional support right now and I cannot seem to give them the grace they need.
I have tried. Though most of the time, it feels fake. I have sought God about it and to be honest, I cried about it on Sunday. I cried out about how I don't like this heart of bitterness but at the same time God knows my heart and if it's not genuine I shut down.
What do you do?
I have to take it day by day. Forgiveness is an everyday thing. I can't live condemning myself for not being sympathetic or compassionate it, if it's not there...right? *sigh*
God knows.
He also knows me well enough that I would sing that song over and over in my head everytime I communicated with this person, allowing it to bring me down. That's when He decided to use the one thing that can help you get over many battles...laughter.
"A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones"-Proverbs 17:22

I am a work in progress but I can honestly say that when I hear that song in my head, it's from the voice of Dwight (and Andy)...and all I can do is laugh!

"Carrie" On...

2010-11-21T09:48:00.000-08:00

Death.

It's a topic people try not to think about. Whether it's a family member, close friend, or themselves, it's just too deep to discuss.

I got a phone call from my boss on Sunday November 14th, 2010 about a co-worker (Carrie) who passed away unexpectedly, in her sleep, the night before. I was speechless. I told my boss I was sorry but I really didn't have any words at the moment and I didn't. What do you say? I mean, she and I had just talked on Friday about taking our dogs (we both have Mastiffs) to the dog park before she had knee surgery. I was so excited for Frank to meet "Nephi" and for them to play...and she was gone, just like that.

Walking in to work the next day was hard for some people. I really didn't know how to feel, until I walked passed the classroom she worked in and saw the grief counselor, commander, and crying parents holding their children. I walked down to my section and began hugging my co-workers telling them how much I love seeing them everyday and working with them. One of them asked me, "I am just worried about her soul. She was Mormon. What do you think happened to her?" I calmly said, "I am not really thinking about that. I just want her family to feel peace."

How judgemental are we? You see someone with tattoos all over their body and automatically think they are a rebel...did you look closely at the tattoo? Maybe they were once lost and now they are found. Maybe they need grace and because of an image they were taught to have, they have been tossed to the side.

What about the way a female dresses? Do you think their shirt is too low? Are you snarling at how they are showing off their body? Maybe the only attention she ever got was through her looks and at the very moment you are judging her, she is praying for God to show himself.

"Stop judging by mere appearances..." John 7:23-25

I learned that we cannot be the judge of what someones denomination is, we allow God to do that.

I did not attend the funeral on Thursday due to some classroom issues but some friends of mine, who attended, came up to me and said, "Wendy did you know Carrie was a missionary? She once had her own business. She loved her dogs. Her husband gave a moving speech. Man, they loved each other so much." Just hearing them talk about all the things I didn't know made me want to know people so much more. Especially the ones I have been judgemental against. You know those grumpy, negative, and immature people. Fleshly as I am at times, I can see their faces right now. Maybe instead of growling about the way they are, pray about what God can do with them. Like I said before...I am still learning.

What will it be for you? Will you take time to get to know someone? Better yet, someone you have already labeled? Or will you continue to live for yourself? Well, whatever your choice may be..."Carrie on."

IDK...

2010-11-03T15:49:00.000-07:00

Txting has become my new way of communicating. I know it's not the most personal way to communicate but I like it. Sometimes I feel as if I can say what I need to if I am writing, typing, or txting. I am sure there are many to dispute.

Over the summer I got a chance to go "home" to see family. I am still on this journey to reconnecting and rebuilding a relationship with my parents. I suppose it may always be that way but as long as I am trying, I'm okay with it.

Seeing my dad after a year felt normal. There are some quiet moments and still awkwardness but he's my dad and I love him.

We didn't have too much to say, we just smiled at each other when the moment was right. And when he would hug me, it felt good. I guess I just don't know what to expect from him. I have already come to terms that God is my Father and since He makes perfection...I just want to know my dad.

After coming back home in June and getting back into our routine, which is so hard to after vacation, I thought about my relationship with both my parents. I reflected on something that had happened in early April and I got bitter and angry at the thought of it. I needed this parental figure and felt the door slam right in my face. I literally cried out to God in the car asking, "Why does this always happen to me?" I immediately felt God's gracious response, "remember...I am your parent now." I stopped crying at that moment and said, "you're right." I had come to terms with God being my parents.

Maybe that's what allows me to see my dad the way I do. Knowing he has nothing to live up to. No one can live up to God. No one can fulfill you the way He can. No one can calm the storm inside of you yet stir it up even more!

A month ago I got a txt. It said, "hey Wendy this is dad. This is my new number. I love you and I miss you." Did that really just happen? Did I seriously get a "txt" from my dad? I lit up! I immediately responded. I then called Jeremy and told him. We were both laughing with joy.

We have been keeping in contact through txting. He calls me "Sweetie" (smiling real big). It may not be the way people are traditionally supposed to communicate but it's where we've started.

Will this be the beginning of a father-daughter relationship? IDK...

WO-mans Best Friend

2010-10-24T10:48:00.000-07:00

A few years ago I talked with Jeremy about getting a dog. I really wanted a big dog and a Boxer was what I saw our family with. We did a lot of research and just decided we weren't ready.

A year ago I talked with Jeremy about getting a dog. I really wanted a small dog and a Brussels Griffon was what I saw our family with. We did a lot of research and just decided we weren't ready.

A month ago Jeremy talked with me about getting a dog. He really wanted one because his boss breeds them and an English Mastiff was what he saw our family with. We did a lot of research and decided we were ready.

His name is Franklin Woo Grist, a.k.a. Frankie, Bubby, Frank Frank, Frankie Boy, Woo Woo, etc.

I know it sounds funny to have a dog named Frankie and his middle name Woo but I have to reminisce some.

When I was in 6th grade my brother, sister, and I were outside playing in the yard with some friends. A man drove by in his truck and stopped right in front of our house. He had a sign on his truck that said "Free Puppies." We ran inside to tell our parents. My step-dad came out and talked with the man and we got our first "family" dog. I was in love with him. We didn't know what to name him so my parents left the name to my little sister who was 4 years old. The very first name she said was "Hooter." That was his name. My dad added a little "male-ness" to it by calling him "Hooter Brown Morgan." Man, I remember that dog! We had him for 6 years before we lost him to the countryside. I would say he was "WO-mans" best friend. Going through a lot in my homelife, I could cry out to Hooter and never have to worry about him losing love for me. I loved to watch him lay on the grass on a warm day soaking up the sun or chase rabbits off into the field. Thinking about him now takes me back to childhood and how grateful I was to experience the joy of a pet. One of the nicknames we called Hooter was "Wooter." I was very sad the day he ran off into the field and didn't come home. After looking for him in our little red truck for days, we decided he wasn't coming home...and he never did.

Here it is 20 years later and we have a new family member. It feels like having an infant in our home at times but I am enjoying this while it lasts because this baby will someday be that of the size of Godzilla. I talk about Frankie like he is my child...and he is. Entering him in a Petsmart Halloween Contest was the start of something rediculous and I love it!

I hope Maddy enjoys every minute (frustration and joy) with Franklin Woo as much as I did with Hooter Brown!

Future Frank

Simply the Best!

2010-10-23T09:43:00.000-07:00

With training STARTING off awesome and ending with side stitches at every run, I went into this marathon with a mind set of enjoying and finishing. I am glad I had that in mind because they hit at mile 11 and didn't stop until after I was done. I had to walk most of the end. I beat myself up for not making my time but I quickly got over it as I was reminded that I have 46 more states to complete and there is no sense in pouting over one!

Look what just happened! I got to run Chicago, I ran with 38, 132 people, over 1 million spectators and volunteers, I got my name in the Chicago Tribune, we rode in our very first taxi, we saw one the 7 great lakes, got to see the "Adventures in Babysitting" building, we were on Chicago's news by waving in the background, saw the Chicago Theater, visited our first comic book store, and I got to reunite with Dean. I finished the marathon in 4 hours and 52 minutes. It wasn't my BEST race but I'd say it was my BEST race!

The North Face

2010-10-13T10:02:00.000-07:00

It was March 2006 when I had first discovered "Runners World" magazine. I remember reading about Dean Karnazes and how he was going to run 50 marathons in 50 states in 50 days. Dean is the spokesperson for The North Face, the Ultramarathon Man, and the world's fittest man. At that time my plan was to run a 50 miler but after reading on Dean (and talking with Jeremy) I decided to do a marathon.
In one of my previous posts I describe what it was like to run with Dean. It was my first blog and may sound crazy to others but it was the one of the best days of my life. It was also then that I decided to do all 50 states.
Fast forward 4 years. Here it is October 2010 and the time for me to run my 4th marathon is here. I was keeping up with Chicago marathon through Facebook. All the updates of runners and expected people to fill the course. All that was fascinating but one thing stuck out. Dean was going to be there! I immediately was brought back to that initial feeling I had when I experienced running with him. If you read the post you would have read that Dean was "Mayor of the road." He didn't hang out with the top runners at the front or pick and choose who to talk to. He talked to everyone. And when hypothermia hit me at mile 18, he was there. Trying to shield me from rain and eventually giving me his jacket, until I had to quit. That was the most memorable time of running. It was also the time that I was introduced to The North Face, I love that brand!
As we drove in to Chicago on Friday, I got word that Dean was going to be at The North Face store that night. But big cities and traffic determines your arrival and we didn't make it on time. I was told by a friend of mine that he would be at the expo the next day. And since everything has a purpose and I got to experience that.
We showed up at the expo at noon only to find out Dean would be there at 1:00-2:30. Jeremy and I looked at each other and said, "well, looks like we're waiting an hour." The volunteer showed us where to stand and as we arrived we noticed we were 1st in line. Maddy having a bored look on her face couldn't understand why I was so excited to see Dean. She patiently listened to me tell my story and she responds with, "I know mom. I saw him before." I had to laugh as I put myself in her shoes.
A guy came and stood behind us asking if we were in line for Dean. When we said yes he introduced himself to us and we talked for 45 minutes. It's amazing how when you start talking to fellow runners you are instantly family. Although this guy runs 2hr 45 min marathons, he was so welcoming and encouraging and interested in my story. I was able to share how God brought me from Lame to Leaping once again showing me my purpose.
The line began to get longer and my heart started to race. I get to reunite with the person who gave/gives me inspiration to go for my goal! With my map in my hand, I was ready for him to see my accomplishments and have him sign it!
"Hi!" he says as he pops out of nowhere. There he was. His running gear on, camelback in tact, and The North Face gear on-he had arrived. "Sorry I'm late. I had planned on running all the way here but I got lost. I see you guys are the first in line. How are you today?" he says. I had been rehearsing "who I was" in the mirror earlier that morning and finally got to say it. "My name is Wendy and I ran with you during your 50/50 plan in 2006. I am from Wichita and didn't get to finish with you due to hypothermia." He then hugs me and says, "YES! I remember! You poor thing! Wasn't that a brutal day! Did you see the video? Wow, the weather... Did you go on to do the marathon?" "I did. Here is my map. You inspired me to do all 50 states and I was wondering if you could sign it for me."-I nervously say. He looks over the map, takes a photo with me, hugs me again and says, "see you in a couple of states."

Something I learned from that experience is how excited I was to reunite with Dean after so long. I wanted to share my experiences with him and show what I had accomplished. It made me think of how God wants us to be that way with Him. We have so many experiences we could share with Him and rejoice with Him if we would get that hyped to reunite with Him. I don't do that enough. That experience showed me how I need to be excited to share those things with God too. I have to look up and forward in everything I do. I mean after all...God is The NORTH Face!

"I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back."-Philippianss 3:12-14 The Message

Tug-O-War

2010-10-06T05:02:00.000-07:00

This past Sunday our message at church was about "Matters of the Heart." We were unexpecting this message because we were going over a series called "OMG" and talking about different religions. It's amazing how you go through things in your life and God speaks so clear through something. I have to admit I was really enjoying our series and when we walked into church and the message had changed, I was kinda bummed. BUT, God quickly turned that around.
I have been struggling with forgiving someone who I feel wronged against. This person has been going through a lot lately and really "needing" me. I haven't been the best communicator in contacting them a lot and I was confessing to someone that I feel justified not to. I mean I was wronged, I was hurt, I put up with a lot...so, I can be this way right? I am sure you know the answer to that.
I have also been seeking God on an issue of me having to ask forgiveness from someone. While praying on these matters I felt the question arise of "if you can't forgive this person how would you feel if someone did that to you?" I had to think about that and it actually made me sad. It humbled me to the point of empathy.
Our pastor said that forgiveness is a choice not a feeling. How true is that. I remember all the time telling people how much I had forgiven this person for "wronging" me and then something would appear that would make me angry and put right back in the place I was before-justifying why I had rights to hold a grudge. How selfish.
Confessing my heart to a friend was a hard thing to do and my heart didn't look so pretty. When the things you think about come out in words, you end up looking rediculous.
This life can be a "tug-o-war" at times. You know you need to pull from this direction because it's what God wants but you end up pulling from that direction because it's what you want. No one wants to get dirty so they do the things that seems easiest to "them."
"What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise."-Romans 7:15 (The Message)

Well, I have decided to get dirty. I'm going to get in the mud and cut the rope that pulls me from one direction to the other. It may get hard, it may get tough, I may get weary...but you will never know until you let go.

The Game of "LIFE"

2010-09-11T15:58:00.000-07:00

I picked up Maddy from school the other day and she told me she had gotten in trouble. After going over some of her "avoidable" circumstances and getting on to her pretty good, she says to me "I am not good at anything." At that moment God had humbled me. I could feel the frustration going down about her situation and my heart preparing to build her up. I shared a story I felt God putting on my heart.

God had showed me of a time Jeremy and I were playing the game of "LIFE." It was given to us, by his mom, for our first Christmas together. He and I sat and played it one night. Well, he beat me...and I got mad. I was used to winning when we played Scrabble...and he never got mad.

How many of us are "sore losers"? We get to be involved in this "game of LIFE" and we get mad when someone "wins" or succeeds at something before we do. How many of us feel "behind" on LIFE and we just quit? How many of us get distracted by things in LIFE and we detour from the "board game"? I can tell you now, I have.

I have gotten angry when someone "got ahead" of something I have strived for, I have felt "behind" on things and gave up and wondered "what if?", and I have been distracted by things and wandered off of the "board game" of LIFE.

Do you want to know the secret of having a win? Allow God to move you. He created this LIFE. Why waste your time "struggling" to get to the next block in LIFE if it wasn't your time? God has a plan for EVERYONE. You may have similar plans to get to that point but your journey won't be the same. He has a plan for you. And even if you wander off...He'll bring you right back. When you get to where He originally intended for you to be, you will wonder why you never stayed on the path to begin with.

Start now. Allow God to be your hand. Let Him move you to your win!

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps"-Proverbs 16:9

Basic Training

2010-08-30T15:40:00.001-07:00

This past weekend I got the privilage of reuniting with a good friend of mine. The reunion was more than just a "I haven't seen you in a long time..." It was a testimony of what God can do through you if you let HIM.

I have known Alisha for about 3 years now. We began working together, in the same classroom, in May 2009. We immediately had a connection. We communicated through "The Office" quotes and observing children. I told her I wanted to be a "Super Nanny" for military families and she was going to school to be a psychologist. At that time I had been going through a lot of things. She was one person who knew and gave GRACE.

After I began suffering with anxiety and depression, Alisha was the most encouraging and uplifting person I could turn to. Crying with me, hugging me, and helping me through the most difficult times I had gone through. Her skills and knowledge in psychology had helped me more than she realized.

It was August 2009 when she began talking about joining the military. At first I thought it was just talk but the more she sought God on what she was supposed to do, the more confident she became in her purpose. Have you ever met someone that was so confident in what God wanted them to do that nothing else mattered? I admire that.

We said "good-bye" on June 25th, 2010. She entered basic training at Lackland AFB in San Antonio, TX. A piece of me felt sad and happy at the same time. Sad because I would miss the talks we had and the bond we had built but happy because she was going after something God put on her heart.

I began writing letters. One letter a week would have me writing 8 letters. I mean that is the least you could do for someone giving their all to fight for your freedom, right?

Well 8 wks went by fast and my good friend Sarah (I met through Alisha) and I were roadtripping down to San Antonio to see Alisha. Nervousness in my stomach, I felt as if my own child was graduating...and there she was.

Watching flights march together and B.T.I.'s yelling with pride, she had made it. Eight weeks of intense training and once a week communication with family members. No t.v., no radio, not knowing anyone, and basic necessities that we take for granted...gone. One thing did remain though...her God, our God. The strength given to her through purpose, prayer, worship, and love. HE had brought her through the roughest she has ever been through.

Watching her in formation reminded me of something I had heard on a podcast. The pastor was saying that we (Christians) work together to get to the same goal. Same as a baseball team, football team, or any other team. Well, Alisha had joined a new team. They had pressed long and hard for many weeks to get to the point where they were. They had used sweat, tears, and emotion to get through the roughest times and here they are. All cleaned up and showing off their accomplishment.

Well, that's what we have to do. How many of us are using up our "sweat, tears, and emotions" for Christ? How many of us have heard that calling that God has placed on you and go with it full force, no questions asked? I can tell you I haven't. What faith that takes to hear God tell you, only having a year left of college, to join the military...and you say "okay" and go. Oh God, how I desire to have faith like that.

And then I hear God tell me I can. You have to get back to the basics...the "Basic Training" of HIM. Read HIS word, pray, love HIM, and have faith. I know when you press in for that goal, you will be all cleaned up and your reward will be greater.

"I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back."-Philippians 3:12-14 (The Message)

Oldies but Goodies pt. 4..."Come back race! (OKC 2008)

2010-08-25T17:28:00.000-07:00

Here is the blog about my first "long" run after my illness in the summer of 2007. Let me just say I would NOT have done this race if weren't for my good friend Nicole. She was "inspired" by me running marathons and decided to train for her first half marathon. After completing that she wanted to do another. Nicole encouraged me to get back out and run. I was nervous to at first because I had gotten "out of the game" and she just kept encouraging me. She, in return, inspired me.
You are never "out of the game." There are times when you will be dry or feel worn out and weary. Keep moving on! One of my favorite quotes is by Dean Karnazes, "Run when you can, walk if you have to, crawl if you must; just never give up."
I think this is for life in general...there is a reward when you don't give up.

"Sunday, April 27, 2008
Come back race! (OKC 2008)
This past year has been the most challenging time of my life.

As most of you know I have Lupus. It is an autoimmune disease that attacks healthy tissue, usually major organs. It attacks my kidneys.

A year ago I ran the Oklahoma City marathon and couple of days later began swelling. I gained 30 lbs of water weight on my body over 1 month period of time. I thought it was from running but my doctor said it was a Lupus "flare up". Since I had a flare up I could not run. That was very hard for me but I learned that running did not define me. I pressed in on the Lord and kept the faith. I was put on all kinds of medication and homebound for 2 months. I could not work, walk, or play with my daughter.

People would come to my house to bring us meals, spend time with us, and mainly pray for us. I really grabbed a hold of what it means to have brothers and sisters in Christ.

During this illness my daughter, who has Cystic Fibrosis (lung and digestive disease), became ill and had to have an i.v. in her arm for 2 weeks to help fight a bacteria in her lung. We had to do antibiotics through the i.v. and it went away (thank the Lord).

My husband was wonderful. He was patient, caring, and loving. He took care of us so well and we experienced the meaning of through "sickness and in health".

I got permission from my doctor to start running last September after all the weight fell off. I was scared to. I prayed for God to show me the right time to run.

Patience paid off and I began running again in February. I entered a couple of small races and placed second in one. I decided to train for the OKC half marathon (13.1 miles). I wasn't sure how I could do it but I remembered it is never my own strength anyway.

Today I completed the half marathon. I got up at 4:30a.m., it was low 50's, and 15 mile winds. My husband and daughter bundled up to support me. I was ready to go.

About 8 miles in I noticed 2 girls with a scripture on the back of their running shirts, it read "With God all things are possible" Matthew 19:26. That was a reminder to me of what is true.

I finished (thanking God) in 2 hours and 7 minutes. When normally my time would be 10 minute miles, I ran 9:31 minute miles. Only strength from my Lord can help me, I am weak.

If there is something that I learned is to have faith. You may hear it all the time but really that is all we have. When it all seems to be "taken away", faith is all that remains. I am not sure where my health is going to go but I do know my heart is in Jesus hands."

Oldies but Goodies pt. 3..."My Answered Prayer"

2010-08-25T16:44:00.001-07:00

After completing my first marathon, I went through this thing that no one warned me about...post-marathon blues.
Everything I had trained for had come to an end. I had accomplished what God had whispered to me one day in January 2006. What now?
Well, He sent someone to help me get through and to show me what my purpose in running was all along. One thing I got out of it was not to give up.
I didn't write a blog over this one...but I did copy and paste this years ago. The writer in this blog articulates a lot better than I can. She was an answered prayer. All the trainings we did in the freezing cold weather sharing stories, our favorite movies (The Wedding Singer), and how to be better spouses/parents. These were the greatest times of my running days...

"Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Oklahoma City Marathon blog!
I recently completed the Oklahoma City Marathon with my friend Lacy. Oddly enough, we finished this race in the same time I finished the Wichita Marathon...5 hours and 20 minutes.

Check out this awesome blog, about our run, written by my answered prayer...Lacy!"

lacy's blog

Wichita Marathon 2006

2010-08-23T15:55:00.000-07:00

I didn't have to write a blog for this one because my sweet husband made a video for me. The whole point in the video was to show others that with Christ anything is possible. This video reminds me of why I began running in the first place...for Him!

Something that I learned today was, "if you wait until you are 100% sure of what you are supposed to do you will never do anything. Be 80% sure and just have faith."

Whatever God is doing in you today-whether it be a new job, starting a family, renewing your relationship with HIM, or anything...you don't have to be 100%...you just have to have faith!

Oldies but Goodies pt. 2... "Wendy with an 'i' "

2010-08-23T15:49:00.000-07:00

If you aren't sure if God answers prayers, here is one story that God totally blew our minds with!
My heart was already humbled by what God could do with a "lame" like me in running. And then He went and humbled me with this...

"Saturday, September 23, 2006
Wendy with an "i".
I had my Lupus appointment a couple of weeks ago. The rash on my face (from Lupus) was very red. I had been concerned about it for weeks and knew my doctor would be, too.
At the appointment he was very concerned that my Lupus would be "flaring up", so he performed some blood work to see if anything was going on in my body. He told me to hold off going off of my last pill. I had been waiting 8 months to go off of my pills to try for another baby. I left the office wanting to cry but I still kept the faith. I told Jeremy to drive to my good friend Maria's house. God ordained, Maria lives 3 blocks from the clinic. I needed prayer. When I got to her house she was more than willing to pray and stand beside me during this life test.
Could this be it? I mean, we have come this far. This was my last pill (medicine for my kidneys). Eight months of preparing for another baby. We figured that if I got off of all of my medicine by September (this month) I could get pregnant in December, right before Jeremy has to leave (deploy with the military). Maddy would be 7 years old and a big helper.
After awesome godly words from Maria and other awesome friends of mine, I began seeking the Lord for His will in our lives concerning a child. Our hearts had been for Guatemala. My dad was born there and came to the States when he was 5 yrs old. He learned english from Sesame Street on television. My heart began to desire that of another country. Jeremy and I prayed. The childrens pastors from our church had adopted a little girl from Guatemala City, 1 1/2 yrs. ago. She is something. A lady from McConnell adopted one from there, too. He attends the child development center, where I work. He is something, as well. I am in awe looking at these "hand picked (from God) children" for these families. I told God when He is ready for us to move in this area I will. I will do it without a problem.
After I ran the Endurance50, I had no idea my husband and friends had planned a surprise birthday /congrats on my race dinner at a resturant. After we ate, we went to Starbucks. When we got there we noticed in big writing on their window...GUATEMALA. What was this? We walked in and noticed that if you buy a bag of coffee, your money goes to a school in Guatemala to help. We totally jumped on it. Wow, Lord was this why you had us desiring the better for Guatemala? Okay we will do it. Little did I know God desires bigger things.
So here it is, Friday night my husband and I are double dating to a Michael W. Smith (Christian artist) concert at a local church. We are worshipping the Lord and amazed at this man who has sung songs for Jesus for 20 years. Nineteen albums and the hand of the Lord is all over him. Such an intimate time.
He stopped singing in the middle for an intermission. Before he left the stage he introduced an organization he is in called, Compassion International in Jesus' Name. I had heard this on the radio many times but never felt pulled to do this. He showed a video on helping children in other countries. My heart began to beat fast. After the video they said to raise your hand if you want a child's packet to see who you would sponsor. I prayed that Jeremy would raise his hand for a packet if we are supposed to do this. I prayed that this child would be Spanish speaking preferrably from Guatemala. I said this prayer with doubt saying to myself "you cannot tell God to do these things". I learned that you cannot limit God. God is so big and wants bigger things for his people...especially children.
Jeremy raised his hand..."thank you Lord", I said. Out of thousands of children's profiles, only one was selected for us. It was by God's process that this volunteer selected this packet to give to us. Here came the profile, it passed through 7 pairs of hands to get to us. My heart was racing to see this child.
There she is...her name is Wendi. My heart melted. I was nervous, scared, overwhelmed, and excited to see where she was from. She is from Guatemala. Jeremy was in shock, our friends were speechless (that is how God does it), and I cannot stop crying. Thank you Jesus.
We committed ourselves last night to this child, trusting that the Lord will do great things for this girl and her family. Just knowing that she will know who Jesus is is more than enough. I am excited to see this relationship grow, excited to see how Maddy interacts with her, but most of all excited to tell her what her name means...Wendi means "walks with God".
"...and whoever welcomes a little child like this in My name welcomes Me." -Matthew 18:5"

Oldies but Goodies pt.1... "My First Marathon Attempt..."

2010-08-23T15:22:00.000-07:00

I have decided to close my 'myspace' account. I have held on to this for over a year due to not wanting to delete the first time I had ever blogged. Now that I have this, it's time to move on.

I have copy and pasted my first blogs. Please excuse the grammar, punctuation, and "newbyness" of it all.

This was the first blog ever about running. Seeing as I am nearing the time for my 4th marathon, I thought it would be good to reminicse and remind me of why I love what I love. Enjoy!

"Thursday, September 21, 2006
My first marathon attempt, the Endurance 50
This is my first blog. I wasn't sure I would know what to say but I have some news and thought to share.
Like I said in my profile I hadn't been much of an athlete until I began running in January this past year. I heard about a 5k race on the Air Force Base and wanted to train for it. At that time I was a newby so I thought that a 5k was 5 miles. I then realized after I ran it that I had only ran 3.4 miles. I had completed the race in 32 minutes but I knew I had discovered my passion.
The next race I wanted to run was a 10k Easter Sun Run. I finished 6 miles in 58 minutes and cried as I saw the finish line. I now know what the entrance to heaven will look and feel like. All these people on the sidelines cheering you on, it was amazing.
There was another race on the Air Force Base a month later. It was another 5k, but this time for a prize. I came in 2nd in my age category winning an 8 pk. of Gatorade. Hey...it's all good. I finished the 3.4 miles in 22 minutes. This was ten minutes faster than the one two months prior.
Running had me hooked. I subscribed to Runner's World magazine and after 2 black toe nails (from the wrong shoes) I invested in some Asics. I felt so much better running and more confident that I wasn't a newby anymore.
I had heard of this Ultramarathon man (Dean Karnazes) and read about him in awe of how the human body can go to the extreme. In admiration of how he could do this I was determined to do a marathon or triathalon. Could my body do this? I have Lupus. I have had this for 3.5 years. I have not had pain in the last 2 years (in my joints and muscles). Would I cause injury training for something like this? Well, with faith in my Lord Jesus that only He was the ultimate maker and healer. I knew I could do all things in He who gives me strength. I began going off of kidney medicine that the "disease" had seemed to attack and I was still feeling great. I would run short distances on my lunch break at work (3.5 to 4 miles a day) and long runs on Saturday and sometimes on Sunday ( I now know that truly is my day of rest). One Saturday I ran I ended up running 12 miles. I was hurting. When I had stopped running my legs still felt ahead of me. I was walking like a flamingo but the feeling was indescribable. Am I really a runner? I thought.
I had read in Runner's World that the Ultramarathon man was coming to Wichita. He was going to run 50 marathons in 50 days in 50 states. He planned to run our October 2006 marathon course. I knew I had to participate. I had gotten some advice from a couple runners on the Air Force base on how to pace myself. At first I thought I knew it all but I then realized runners need each other and I cannot do this alone.
One Saturday I had gotten up early for a long run. I had reached 12 miles and at the 1 hour and 50 minute point I got a massive "runners high". I was sprinting so long and hard. I felt like conquering the world. I was thanking God, he had given me this ability. I was then rudely interrupted by the wonderful bladder and had to run home. I was thinking to myself "how can I run 26.2 miles if I have to stop and go to the bathroom". Well, the Bible says "ask and you will recieve", I knew I had to pray that I wouldn't have to go.
So here it is the day of the race and I am so nervous. Will I be the only one running that hadn't ran a marathon. How fast will Dean go? Will I have an oppurtunity to talk and run with him? Will I keep up? All these questions and more got answered. .
When my husband and I drove the starting point we had no idea it was going to be so cold and rainy. I had ran in rain before but not this windy or cold. The car said 50 degrees but the wind chill was around 40 degrees. We went inside to get signed in and wait for Dean. When we walked inside I was in awe of all the runners. They stood around talking about their previous runs and upcoming runs. "I hadn't done this before. Am I going to be the only one?" I wondered. As we gathered around to talk about what was going to take place I ended up meeting another first timer. We connected right away. We talked about how we were feeling and how we would just stick together.
The first six miles we talked and it went by fast. We were both feeling pretty good and the weather maintained. We got to the 8th mile and I began to run faster. In the famous words of Forrest Gump, "I was run-ning". Dean was making his rounds talking to everyone from the front, middle, and back of the group. How awesome that he would be "mayor" of the road. I checked with someone about our pace and we were running 9:45 min/mile. Wow! I had been running 10 minute miles and this was great.
We got to the 11th mile and we were headed on to McConnell Air Force Base. Yes! This was my turf. I run this road and path everyday. I know I can do this! I felt such pride that my husband serves in the military and I work for the Air Force (Child Development Center). Here I am running with professionals. We were to run 8 miles on base with some air force runners with air force pride. At first we were going strong. I was running in the front with two others. How can this be that a year ago I couldn't even jog one mile and now I am at the 14th mile with no thought to stop. As we came up to the 15th mile the wind got stronger and the rain came down harder. The wind began to push me off of the path. I kept quiet and pushed through. Is this endurance? I can do this.
I could see we were going to be passing by my work My co-workers knew I was doing this today and they were rooting me on. These thoughts helped me press on. My hands began to get stiff and the wind and rain hitting me in the face. I was beginning to feel weak. I noticed my husband on the side with our video camera yelling, "go Wendy! not too much longer". How much longer? I thought. I cannot do this anymore. I wanted to veer off the path and fall into his arms.
As we were running an older man came up beside me trying to encourage me. I couldn't really hear him because my hands were hurting and legs were burning. Freezing from the rain I could barely run straight. Another guy ran up beside me. He told me to run behind him and we would be a shield from the wind and rain. I tried to stay behind them but I kept tripping. As we made a turn on base which was on the 18th mile I knew my end was coming. My hands began to shake and my knees began to knock. One of the guys running gave me a pair of his socks and told me to put them on my hands. I wore them for a little while but they quickly got wet from the rain. Two others came up beside me to encourage me. They stuck beside me for what seemed to be minutes upon minutes. Is this what runners do? They slowed down to my pace and would not leave my side. Dean came up and told me to stick behind him he would run in front of me to guard me. I tried for a little while but then I had to stop. My arms and legs began to shake uncontrollably. The Endurance50 car had been following us. They had noticed me slowing down and one of the guys got out of the car and gave me his jacket. What was going on? I felt fine on the inside. My heart rate and breathing were fine. My body was experiencing something different. The medic car was right behind us and they helped me into it. The medic told me that I was in the stages of hypothermia. She asked me who she could contact. I told her my husbands number and she called him. Was this it for me? All these months of training and I am done? Yes...I was finished.
When my husband met back up with me he was so worried about me. I was pretty hard on myself but he just said,"you're awesome". With encouraging words and some roses I was back to being myself. After about thirty minutes my body stopped shaking. I was ready to go to the finish line to see them and meet Dean.
They finished in 4 :20 min. When we walked inside I noticed the people who helped me and right away thanked them for their encouragment. They had related to me and made me feel better as I had been hard on myself. I looked around the room and I didn't see the first timer. Where was she? Was she okay? I said a prayer for her to finish and to be safe.
I got my gift bag and immediately looked for the Ultramarathon Man book to get it signed. As I stood in line I looked around. I was so proud to be where I was. I love running.
It was my turn to get an autograph. Dean was very welcoming and concerned. He related to the hypothermia and reassured me. I got an autograph and a picture with the ultramarathon man. I walked away with having experienced a little endurance. I didn't even have to stop to go to the bathroom. I was feeling blessed.
After saying good-byes my husband and I were ready to leave. We walked out just as the first timer finished her run in 4:50 min. She did it. She was concerned for me but I was so proud of her. I felt a saddened heart that we were leaving. After all these months of excitement, anxiosness, and nervousness, this was it.
What is next for me? I want to run the October 22nd marathon. I will train for it and prepare for the weather. The most important thing for me to do is to encourage those running around me because I experienced what it is like in a runners world. "

"That's Not My Name..."

2010-08-20T15:28:00.000-07:00

Then Manoah inquired about of the angel of the Lord, "What is your name, so that we may honor you when your word comes true?" He replied, "Why do you ask my name? It is beyond understanding." Judges 13:17-18

This scripture has been on my mind a lot. We read this the other night and it has been reinventing to me of what it means to "glory to God."
I was reflecting on things that I have been a part of in the past in my home, in the church, and in my relationships. Wondering if I had really given "glory to God" or did I secretly take glory myself? I know those things may not bother some people but lately my heart has been wanting to go deeper into what the Lord has for me. That means getting into the Word more. I had slacked for so long seeking what God's continuing purpose is for my life...and then I got TIRED of it. I took a step. Wow! What an amazing step it was! Each day I find a renewed sense of the things HE has for me.
This morning I was listening to a podcast and in the message the pastor talks about how there was a lady praying before she spoke at a seminar. She asked God to "show up" when she spoke and so on. She said she heard God say in a loud voice, "I invited YOU to this. This is MY party. You are one of MY guests." I think that was Gods way of speaking to me about certain things I am going through. Good things that is. Although, I see negativity through it because it seems as though it is a stressful situation. I understand, now, that the enemy wants it to be so that all God wants to show me is hidden. Sometimes when you are going through that "valley" what you don't realize is that the mountain is right there. All we have to do is keep moving.
We were invited to HIS party. NOTHING you do is YOU. NOTHING. It took me a while to realize this. I am not just a wife...I am invited to be a wife to HIS child. I am not just a mother...I am invited to be a mother to HIS child. I am not just a runner...I am invited to run with HIM.
So when you are "dreading" that church meeting, that friend who really needs grace, that spouse who just needs you, that child that wants your attention, or that AMAZING GOD that wants you to spend time with HIM...remember, that's an invitation to HIS party!

I am not in charge, the boss, #1, holier than thou, perfect, or God..."That's Not My Name." My name is Wendy...and it means "walks WITH God."
What does your name mean?

Happy Mother's Day!

2010-05-09T16:15:00.000-07:00

Wow. What an amazing Mother's Day! I was so overwhelmed at the message at church today I had a lump in my throat the whole time. When I was finally able to talk to Jeremy I just released all the emotions I could not contain. I am on a journey of falling in love with Christ more and more. It seems that the moment I begin to hand things over He begins to show me what He has been wanting to give me for some time now. I know everything has a purpose so I am over condemning myself for some things I carried inside. I am ready to recieve the gift He promised.

I took a trip to Atlanta a week ago to a conference for our children's ministry. After getting a phone call the day before I was supposed to fly out about a blessing that was coming, I was already overwhelmed when I got there. I remember sitting in worship and praying about something I felt the the Lord put on my heart. I asked, "Why God? Why when I feel this way would you want to bless me? I am not worthy." I felt the Lord say, "It's not always about you. I have to do this for them." I immediately lost it. I was so ready to tackle the world...and then there's the waiting.

Today I felt completely covered with that love again that I could feel myself getting a little anxious. It's the "waiting" for things promised that is hard BUT I am willing.

It's hard for me to write them all down right now but I will tell you that a long awaited prayer is unfolding behind the scenes. We are just in the "audience" waiting on the curtain to open.

After church Maddy and I went to Five Guys Burgers and Fries. (We noticed a high chair with rollers on them and I laughed at how I used to push her around the resturant in those, so I made her get in one. I know it seems silly and she was shocked that I requested it but I had to see her in it.) When we sat down at the table I began reflecting on the "when" God will provide for the prayer request. It was so overwhelming I had to turn my head from Maddy so she wouldn't see how emotional I was. Yeah, I can be a sap. But who isn't when it comes to trying to comprehend God's greatness?

While I sit here and talk about being anxious, it starts to make me feel that way. I am remembering the scripture about anxiousness:

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."-Phillipians 4:6

In EVERYTHING through prayer and petition...present your request to God...and then comes peace. Amen!

Soooooooo, this is my Mother's Day gift: prayer, petition, request, and PEACE. Thanks Lord!

"Crazy Love"

2010-05-06T16:19:00.000-07:00

I am reading a new, to me, book called "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. It is hitting home pretty hard with a phrase of "Are you IN love with Jesus or just His everyday blessings?" Wow. My heart was on fire today to confess it to the world. I wanted to shout out, "I am guilty Lord! I have taken you for granted! I have loved materialistic items more than you! I have enjoyed freedom and MY time! I have taken grace for granted! AND I'M SORRY!" I got to share some testimony with a friend and I felt the Lord's grace at that moment.
I say all these things but at the same time I got angry at something today. I got mouthy at a situation today. I allowed the enemy to aggrivate me with petty things and things I have no control over. (When I think of control I laugh a little inside. I watch "The Office" and one of the characters, Andy Bernard, comes back from anger management. When someone makes him mad he says, "I cannot control the things YOU do, I can only control what I do." To bring humor to a 'stressful' situation, I say that exact phrase and move on. It has taken some time but I am getting it.)
With that being said, I am ALWAYS learning. I am learning that I have idled for far too long-it may not seem long to others but it was to me. I am learning that God does want to bless me, not just with everday blessings (husband, children, and materials) but with HIS blessing of grace, forgiveness, and everlasting love. I am HIS child and HE wants to. I am willing to accept.
How about you? Do you think that God's blessings are earthly items? Do you praise the Lord when you get a raise, a new car, or a home? I am guilty of that. I am also good at playing a game called, "Not Fair." Have you ever played that? It's easy. All you have to do is pout, moan, groan, and stomp your feet at the "not fairs" to YOU in this world. But you know what, there is no winner in that game-only "L"osers! I am learning that as long as you wake up in the morning and start your day, everythings fair and you deserve everything you have.
So...if you want to get a little "Crazy" then start with Jesus. You won't find any other love like that!

The Heart Monitor

2010-04-08T17:38:00.000-07:00

It's been a little while since I have posted. I have been through a lot the past couple of months and have been experiencing some growth through the process. I know I still have a lot to learn but one thing I am thankful for is God's patience with me.
As most of you know I experienced what the E.R. doctor told me was a panic attack. He explained it as I have surpressed some stress and my body didn't know how to release it so it went in to panic mode. The emotion that it left me with was depression/anxiety. I had some tests done on my thyroid, which came back clear and even had to wear a heart monitor for 10 days to record heartbeats. I was able to run with it, sleep with it, and go everywhere with it. It became a part of me and I relied on it.
One day I was looking over it and it hit me..."the heart monitor is like Jesus." If you really think about it, I had to carry this thing around with me at all times. It was there in case I "panicked," and I had to push a button to record what was going on. It would then send a text message back to you if some action needed to be taken. The heart monitor came with a sensor that I had to wear around my neck like a necklace. Whenever the heart monitor was out of range of the sensor it would beep and I had to be back in range. It's amazing to me how that small heart monitor spoke many things to me. HE's there...The Ultimate Heart Monitor is there. HE is with you at all times and HE waits for you to need HIM. As I write this now, I am reminded of how much HE wanted me to need HIM over the last year and how I didn't reach out. But the amazing thing is how my "sensor" (the holy spirit) spoke to me through this process calling me back. And yet again the Father welcomed me back with open arms.
Going through this "panic attack" only showed me another chance to get back to the Lord...and how HE still loves me. My "sensor" was going off...I was out of range. At that point in my life, I didn't know how to get back BUT I have a "Commander" who showed me and is still showing me.
How about you? Have you gotten out of range? Do you feel your heart needing/wanting more but not sure how to get there? Well, it starts with HIM...The Heart Monitor. You can carry HIM everywhere...well, HE carries you everywhere. You can hit the button if you feel "panic" and you will get an answer. I had to wait 3 weeks to get an answer (from the cardiologists) but during that time, I had to learn to walk away from the "what if's" and O.C.D tendencies. I almost caved to thoughts of "if I did this, then this won't happen." Well, you can't bargain with life...and you definitely can't bargain with God. HE wants you and ALL of you!

"Trust in the Lord with ALL your HEART and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge HIM and HE will make your path straight."-Proverbs 3:5-6

This was revealed to me after walking out of the heart doctors office. It is my life scripture and it speaks more now than ever before.

*The pic I posted is NOT of myself...I googled it. I am not that brave! :)

Farewell...

2010-02-05T13:37:00.001-08:00

Dear Sweet Goodness,

I first off want to let you know how much I miss you. I remenise about the times we shared and how I had to have to with me wherever I went. You were refreshing on hot summer days and I even risked my life for you in the cold wintry storm.

I am sorry I had to let you go but it is good for me and my health. You have been awesome to me and I appreciate your goodness.

Farewell Sweet Goodness...

I know it's crazy huh? I have been in love with my sweet tea a.k.a. "Sweet Goodness" since I can remember. I never thought I would see the day where I had to farewell it but it has come.

After experiencing panic attacks and learning how to avoid them (caffeine and chocolate), I am learning that it wasn't so hard to let go. I began seeing the trigger signs and had to come to a reality that the "bad" things won't help it.

I haven't gotten this whole thing called "Life" down yet but I am learning. I am learning that like the sweet tea that can contribute to panic attacks, there are things in our lives that we could trade in. I could let go of bitterness towards some people and show some love (He loves), a heart full of want when I have what I need (He gives), and control over things I have no control over(He does). Like I said, I don't have it all figured out but I am learning and I think as long as we are doing that, we can't go wrong.

What can you trade in? Is it leading you to a life of unhealthiness? Something will always contribute to something. I want my life to contribute in a rewarding positive way. How about you? Are you willing to give up that "Sweet Goodness" that looks good but in the long run isn't?

Paper or Plastic...or Glass?

2010-01-24T11:55:00.000-08:00

We had an awesome time in church this morning. I am always excited to see what God will do with the children in children's ministry. I don't normally go into it wondering what HE will do for me but I always walk out of there with something. The Lord showed me something right away this morning.

We only had one service this morning due to us celebrating our 6th anniversary as being Gracepoint. It was packed and we had to hold one class with 14 three year olds. My first child to come in the class was Maggie. She walks in with confidence and goes over to the baby dolls and begins playing with them. As I was preparing the lesson another teacher walks over to me with a baby doll in hand. She then says, "someone threw this in the trashcan and Emma took it out. I cleaned it off and was wondering if this was the one in your class." I told her it was and told her thank you. I took the baby doll over to Maggie and I said, "here you go Maggie, this baby was lost but now it's found." My heart was moved and right when I put the baby down next to her I noticed something. The doll had a "sheep" on it's clothes.

Think about this for a moment, we were once "thrown away" and "lost." Due to broken hearts, broken lives, and broken homes we were tossed out. Someone thought it would be a good idea to put labels on us and "throw us away." Are you the one who lives with a broken heart? You go after someone who says they "love" you and can make you "happy" only for them to use you or make you feel worthless. Then consider yourself like PAPER...all crumpled up and torn. Are you the one to live a broken life and chase after empty promises and goals? If you chase after a purpose that is not your own and come up empty, consider yourself like PLASTIC...you live a fake life and when touched by life's fire, you melt. Are you the one to live through a broken home of abuse, drugs, and divorce? Then your life, like GLASS...was shattered. While all of these areas are "labeled" and considered "done with", there was one thing the "labeler" forgot to see. All of these components, "PAPER, PLASTIC, and GLASS", fall under one category...RECYCLE. Do you see that? No matter what you have gone through and been labeled for in the past, there is still hope for you. From notebook paper to a novel, a 20 oz to a Culligan, and a Mason jar to a window, the RECYCLER wants you!

The enemy has labeled and enabled long enough. Allow Christ to find you and RECYCLE your life, there are bigger things HE wants to use you for!

"...I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out-plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for."-Jeremiah 29:11 (The Message)

This morning the Lord, in all HIS awesomeness, showed me a lot about life...through a baby doll.

But isn't that where it starts anyway...through a baby.

"Don't Panic...ATTACK!!!"

2010-01-21T16:42:00.000-08:00

This past weekend has been one of the hardest weekends in a long time. 3 years to be exact. It was 3 years ago I experienced a flare up in Lupus that caused me to be in pain, heartache, and stress. I was beginning to feel scared and nervous at the thought of going back to that dark place.

I was experiencing loss of breath, heart racing, and numbness. I wasn't sure what was going on but it came in spurts and was a constant reminder that something was wrong.

I went to the clinic on Monday afternoon and did bloodwork for my rheumatologist who specializes in Lupus. He never called me back which told me it wasn't Lupus related. Monday night came and I did something I had never done before, I volunteered to take a field trip to the emergency room...at 11pm! Wow, have you ever been to an ER at that time of night? Well, if you ever want to see drama-go there!!! It had hit me so hard I could barely stand up straight and Jeremy knew something was not right.

The ER doctor did an EKG on my heart which came back clean. My heart was fine. With that being said, "you are experiencing a panic attack." What? Really? But, I am not stressed. The doctor said that panic attacks can hit at any time and can last days, months, or random moments. I was shocked. He gave me pain management and explained that when your body goes in to overdrive to fight for relief you release carbon dioxide. You need that to calm you down. A thing I could do is take a paper bag and breath in it. When you breath in and out you are taking back in what you were letting out. I was immediately brought back to scenes from movies when you see people breathing in small paper bags and I giggled inside at the thought of me doing that. At that moment, I was willing to do WHATEVER I needed to do.

I have been trying to figure out the "WHY?" in this and I come up with no answer. I was at work today when a co-worker asked me how I was feeling and I explained my situation. She said that the enemy is threatened by me and is trying to distract me from doing God's work. I was stumped at that seeing as I don't feel as if I have modeled Christ very well. She explained to me that it doesn't matter. The devil is out to do 3 things...steal, kill, and destroy. God spoke through her by using the story of Job and his afflictions. I had forgotten about Job. Job was a man who, when I was going through hard years with Lupus, showed me how to stand strong for the Lord and prove the enemy wrong. When everything and everyone was taken away from Job he stood up and beside the Lord through it all. That was a reminder to me to stand firm in all that I believe.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" Proverbs 3:5

That means trusting in the Lord with everything and not trying to "think" or "understand" it. TRUST. BELIEVE. FAITH.

So here it is...PANIC ATTACKS!?! Well, I have decided to let God be in charge of this battle. I am a part of HIS army and HE is saying to me, "Don't panic...ATTACK!!!"

My Commander

2010-01-16T18:34:00.000-08:00

Today I am not feeling to well. I am just here to vent my frustration with Lupus! GRRR!!!
(I wrote this yesterday on Jan. 16, 2010)

Today I am still not feeling well. I have been feeling overwhelmed, sleepy, and crying often. I called my doctor yesterday and he said he cannot tell me over the phone what is wrong but to go in on Monday to do some bloodwork. I haven't felt this way since summer of 2007. I want to thank my good friend Jamie for calling and praying for me tonight. I am standing with her in the prayer of casting out fear in Jesus' name. I know HE loves me and doesn't want this for me. I have no idea at how out of nowhere this happened but I am still sticking beside my Jesus. My favorite name to call Jesus is "My Commander." I trust HE is guiding me through a fog. I know HE has been there and I am holding on to it.
If you are reading this today, please know that no matter what tough time you are going through, Christ is your deliverer. That is why HE came. It wasn't just a one time blessing. HE was, is, and always will be...

"...perfect love drives out fear..."-1 John 4:18

Lord, please help me to remember this in times of distress. YOU are the only one who defines my life!

Open Heart Surgery

2009-12-27T19:39:00.000-08:00

You know those times where you feel like the Lord has given you a small revelation and then something happens and it is actually bigger than what you thought it would be...

Well, that happened today.

*Rediscover yourself lesson #361-Worship

In September 2002, we were invited to a church by a friend. At that point in my life I couldn't see any good in myself...but God did and He had a plan.

I remember walking in this church and feeling a different feeling that I had never felt before. We walked into the sanctuary of the church to a band playing on the stage with contemperary music uplifting the Lord. People freely raising their hands and laying their heart out in worship. This was new to me. I had never attended a church where this was okay. The one thing that stuck out to me the most was the worshippers on stage. I heard myself say, "I am going to be up there someday" and I immediately got excited. The thought of using my God given talent on the stage where people can hear you. I mean, I had a voice. Not just a singing voice but a VOICE. I had earned medals in high school for my voice. Superior ratings for my solos. I had main roles in choir concerts and attended choir camp for 2 summers. Why not have me up there?

Well, I never made it up there. Two weeks after commiting to a class at this church to get to know God more and myself, I got sick. An overactive immune disease called "Lupus" had plagued me. I had been completely healthy my entire life until this moment. It had crippled my walk, fatigued me, made my hair fall out, and taken my voice. I lost my voice for 1 week and when it returned, it wasn't the same. I could no longer carry high pitches or finish a whole sentence without clearing my throat. It was then that I had to learn and discover how to use my heart for worship. God didn't want to hear my voice, although He delights in what He created to be used for His glory. He wanted to hear ME. After getting over the fact that I lost something that I thought defined me, I was able to open up to the Lord with my heart...and I embraced it! I felt so free to show God how much I loved Him. I didn't have to say anything, I just allowed my heart to say it all.

Here it is over 7 years later and its still the same...no singing voice. I have learned to worship with my heart, soul, and mind. While I am still learning just like you, I still makes mistakes but I understand grace and strive to move closer to the Lord.

Christmas time has wonderful music and it led me to reflect on my favorite song of the season. That song is "Little Drummer Boy." It reminds me of how I don't have much to offer but what I do have is my heart and I will worship the Lord with all I have. There have been times that I have been dry and not much in my heart to give but I believe that God sees a little as a lot given what we are going through. If I am not really feeling the love at that moment I express it to God. I let HIM know how alone I feel or sad I feel. Even if I am angry, HE knows. I cannot hide from the true feelings that I am going through, I have to let HIM know. God is so gracious with me and loves me through every process.

This weekend I was sharing with a friend my need to reach out more. The feeling I felt after Christmas Eve service was a feeling of wanting more in my relationship with Christ towards the lost. My desire to grow up more in the church and my need to be around other believers sharing in the same vision. I know God wants that for everyone.

This morning we had to teach. We teach 3 year olds every other Sunday and I leave there feeling purposed. As we were getting our lessons and room ready I noticed a different teacher in the 4 & 5 yr old class. I walked over to her and said, "Hi, are you in here today?" She said, "yes, I will be leading this group." I see her every Sunday because her son is in our class so I jokingly asked her, "well, are you leading worship today for the children?" A nervous smiling look came across her face and said, "I can't do that. I have no idea what I am doing." We both laughed and said bye. I walked back to my room.

A few minutes later the childrens pastor came in our section to check on all areas with cirriculum and materials. She came over to me and asked, "Is there any way you can lead worship today? I forgot Kim is out and I have no one." I got nervous but then immediately God said 'yes' and I just said, "sure! I have never done this before but it isn't me, its HIM." She was thankful to me and showed me how to operate the songs.

There are 3 rooms of children (up to 24 children), 5 teachers, and 5 youth (that help the class) to lead worship for. I had to sing in front of them and use motions. I said to God (like He was hanging out with me for the day), "I can't do this but YOU can...let's go!"

I started out with our morning greeting song, our lesson song, and last, a soft worship song by Hillsong. It's called "Your love is deep" and consists of many motions. Everyone was sitting and worshipping with their hearts and it was amazing. Four 4 & 5 year olds were sitting in front of me singing their hearts out. I could feel every bit of their innocence while singing to Jesus. As I looked down at one of my 3 year olds, Maggie, said to me, "my love is long" and she did a long motion. One of the lines in the song says, "my love is long...my love is wide." I lost it on the inside. I was crying with my heart and telling the Lord..."my love is long." While I had tears in my eyes, it was then that I remembered worship and what it is supposed to feel like and how much God loved that moment. That was a feeling like we weren't even in a building...we were in the presence of the KING.

I do not always "get it", I do not always "understand it", and I do not always "see it" but I am learning that that is faith. Faith happens by worship. Its believing in something that is unseen and when you believe in something unseen, worship is what grows it up into that relationship. You don't have to do any rituals or outrageous things to get Gods attention. Just seek Him with your heart. Worship consists of the way you talk to others (about HIM or not), how you love, reading the Word, and singing/worshipping...with your heart. You don't have to go out and put on a show, just be you. That is how God made you and for you to be any different is only critizing what HE has done.

Worship is how we love. Open your heart...God is ready to do some work!

Jesus replied, "Love the Lord your God with all your HEART and with all your SOUL and with all your MIND." Matthew 22:37

Google it...

2009-12-15T22:13:00.000-08:00

Tonight is one of those, "I can't sleep" times. I fell asleep about 10pm but had a nightmare and awoke to Maddy smacking her lips in her sleep. Yes, she has been sleeping with me lately. Since Jeremy's schedule is here and there, I have been appreciating the time we all have to spend.

After waking up to lip smacking, I began to think about a conversation I had on IM on Facebook with a good friend. We were talking about the Lord and how great His love is for us. Reflecting on our past and things we had to go through, my friend said, "I wish I knew how deep God's love was for me." I began to think about that. I responded to her by saying, "well, I gave up trying to figure it out. I wonder if I did know, would I appreciate His blessings? Would I know how to love Him back? Would we keep searching for more of His love IF we know all of it? We can never know the extent of God's love. He wants us to keep searching for Him."

It then made me think of Google. That is a great site that I use on a daily basis. I feel somewhat smart after thinking upon something and getting the answer on Google. I then told my friend, "not even Google has the answer for how much God loves us," and it doesn't. No one does. God is the only one who can give even a glimpse of love to you. That joy you feel when you see seasons change, when your child says 'I love you', and the joy you feel when you read the Word. That is love. How about that feeling when you feel far away from God? That is love too. It's a feeling of emptiness and 'love' sick. You see, Jesus wants to be our first love. He wants for us to get our hearts filled with Him. He delights in you and wants you to have all the things your hearts desire.

"Delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart."-Psalm 37:3-5

I mentioned earlier that this is a "rediscover yourself" tour and I am willing to hear what the Lord has to say. I may and will fall at times but I am willing to admit it and move forward. I believe the Lord has more than just "set backs" for me. He will use those experiences to mold me for His purpose. So, if you feel like you are just "idling," just hang on...your open door is coming! He isn't going anywhere and you know what, He wants you!

"I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine"-Song of Songs 6:3

His love is more than we can fathom. You can Google it...but only God can give you the real meaning...and it's free!

Say...Cheese!

2009-12-01T19:05:00.000-08:00

I think God is taking me on road trip. These past few weeks I feel that He is leading me on a "Rediscover Yourself" tour. I definitely do not have all the answers but I am willing to see what it is the Lord is showing me. I am also willing to lay out my faults as well as my victories.

I have a "picture box" that I hold dear to my heart. While I call it a "box" it is more like a rubbermaid tub. It contains memories that go back to my childhood.

I love to sit and look at them from time to time. Looking at those pictures makes me happy and I feel loved. To be honest, my favorite pictures to look at are those of my mom and dad. The ones where they went to prom together, a wedding kiss, and a family photo of US. I feel so much love when I look at those photos and I am thankful that God made me.

Madelyn came up to me the other night and asked me if she could get a baby picture of herself out of the box. She said she needed it for school. I told her that was fine but not to make a mess. All of a sudden I hear her say, "oh mommy, you look so cute!" She brings me a photo of my hospital picture on the day I was born. I hadn't seen THAT photo in a long time. She then brought me one of me when I was 4 months old. I smiled immediately at the thought of what I was like when I was a baby. Then I thought of my parents and I sat in that happy feeling for a minute.

As I stared at the newborn photo I thought to myself, "and I didn't know I'd grow up to have Lupus." Then I said it to Jeremy and Maddy, "I didn't know I'd grow up to have Lupus." They then reached out to hug me. I jokingly laughed and took no pity. I am okay with it, I am at peace.

God had shown me that although that baby, Wendy Marie Makepeace...ME, did not know life would bring pain, tears, and sorrow, HE knew. HE knew how painful it would be and I would cry out. HE knew how angry I would be at the affliction and cry out. HE knew how sad I would feel when I felt alone and how I'd cry out. How did HE know? Because, HE was there.

HE cried for mercy before carrying the cross on HIS back. HE had nails driven through his hands and feet. A painful crown of thorns placed on HIS head in mockery. HE understood everything I went through.

HE understands everything you go through too. Rejection, sadness, heartache, loneliness, anger, frustration, etc.-HE knows.

Like I said earlier, my most favorite pictures to look at are those of my family. It makes me feel good to see them happy, joyful, and (at that moment) in love. I love to stare at them in photos and see who they are, what they are doing, and how they are interacting. It makes me proud to call them my parents.

Did you know God does that with you? Your life is a photo and God is the photographer. HE took a picture of you and stares at it with pleasure. HE made you and HE is proud of what HE made. HE doesn't see the hair loss, scars, rash, ailment, handicap, etc. HE sees YOU. HE loves YOU. HE delights in YOU. Like a parent, HE brags on YOU. Those "happy, excited, loved" feelings we get when we see a photo and it takes us back, God feels that every minute of the day for YOU.

Psalm 139:1-16

...you know when I sit and when I rise...for you created my inmost being;you knit me together in my mothers womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made...your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

Say...Cheese! Jesus is going to frame YOU!

"Baa, Baa, Black Sheep..."

2009-11-22T21:37:00.001-08:00

It has been a while since I have blogged and I am hoping with this renewed sense that I feel, I can pick back up and say what God wants me to say.
I intended to blog about the marathon that I had just recently completed but God is bringing it in a different direction and I am completely okay with that.
I am not sure the road that you are on today but I know that lately I have been down a road of loneliness and discouragement in my relationships. That may sound strange but to be honest, I felt this way almost my whole life up until I was born again in September 2002. I grew up in a dysfunctional household with my mom/stepdad and never really knew my real dad up until adulthood.
When I began this journey with the Lord, He showed me what real love was. He filled a void of that parental guidance, voice, and love I had not experienced. It was then that I realized the Lord has always been with me and that although my parents raised and loved me the best they knew how, they were human and made mistakes. God did not. I became a new person at that moment. Filled with confidence, joy, love, and renewal. I knew then that nothing could bring me away from my God.
During that process I also learned that Jesus was my husband first. Showing me the right way to love Jeremy. He was my guide to relationships and how to respect and honor and cherish my husband. I felt revived. I never had the right role model to show me how to love my spouse. How to fully appreciate and cherish what God had brought together. I got it!
I also discovered how to be a mother. Christ was my example on how to be gentle at heart, loving with words, quick to listen-slow to anger. I had some work to be done and still do, but Christ was patient with me and still is.
True friends came along when Christ became my Best Friend. When I confided in Christ with every ounce of my heart and trusted Him with that of which I shared, I was able to love others.
Many things I have learned about relationships through Christ, my only trusted source.
It was recently that I have forgotten those things and allowed the enemy to pick apart the things God has built up.
You see, a few months ago I had reconnected with some family members. It was awesome having these new relationships and I began to wonder where it had been all along. I started to feel myself holding on them tighter and tighter each moment. Not wanting to let go, I soon began to take those relationships into my own hands and they fell apart. I was left confused, hurt, and empty. I know now, I was confused because it was "treacherous" conditions. I was hurt because I gave all that I had and not allowed Christ to do His part. I was empty because I told Christ "it's okay, I can handle this" and He let me. I had tried to move forward and show my heart towards a few of them but I have since hit a wall and have not gotten a response back.
I have two really good friends that I began giving up on because I felt I was giving so much and was wearing down. I am getting to a point where I cannot connect with them much these days and to be honest, it hurts. This is just a mild overview of "relationships" and how difficult they can be when you take God out of the picture.
I was recently on a road trip with my family. On the way to where we were going I immediately heard the words, "black sheep" in my head. While I was meditating and thinking on that, I heard the words, "You have always been a black sheep. Think about it. No one loves you. All the connections you have made, they don't care about you. You are a black sheep." For a moment I began to side with that phrase. "Yeah, I am a black sheep. I have tried so hard to reconnect with people, love them, and give it a chance. All for it to be in vain." I then had sorrow come over me. I discussed it with Jeremy on how I feel and why it has to be that way. Just as we were talking the Lord revealed some things to me. God had shown me a "black sheep" and how it was wandering all over the place. Meaning, there was a reason I had not been in contact with those family members for so long. I don't know why but I know God knows me and MY heart as well as the others. He had been protecting it all along and as much as He was trying to get me to pull back, I kept going forward with it. I had wandered out of the "fence" which the Shepherd had set up for me. Inside the fence is green pastures, rest, and a place for me to be ME. I don't have to strive to be anyone and I don't have to go out looking for what I need/want. Thinking about that gave me a whole new perspective on Psalm 23.
After thinking about it, I wondered "what does it mean to be a black sheep?" and I came to a conclusion. It means nothing. It is a label that the enemy set up for me. I could have avoided a lot of hurt and anger but I walked right into it. Although it seems like such a horrible thing, the Shepherd was still with me and even sent out a "sheep dog" to help guide me back. The "sheep dog" once said, "The grass isn't always greener on the other side. Who knows what its like over there. Their dog might be meaner." That phrase not only stands for relationships, it can also mean in your job and in your church. When you feel like wandering off bc it may be "better." Just stay and wait for the Shephard. His job is to make sure you are safe, have what you need, and most of all, loved.
I came back to the fence but I came back all matted. I brought in some dandur, knots in my wool, and being far away, I had allowed the wool to grow over my eyes. But the Shepherd was gracious with me and still is. He is caring for me, cleaning me off, and He has taken his gentle shears and stripping away all that has entangled in my wool. Words cannot express what it will feel like when it is all taken away.
I am not sure what lies ahead for me. What I do know is that I am not going alone. I have a Shepherd who is concerned for me. Loves me for who I am. Forgives me. Honors me. Adores me. Most of all, He doesn't see me as a "black sheep" because I am His and He is mine.

When wool is sheared, it is used to make something. I hope this helps you in whatever you are going through. The Shepherd wants your wool. He knows what can be made from it and He knows how you will feel when it is all removed.

"Baa, Baa, Black Sheep have you any wool? Yes sir Yes sir 3 bags full..."

"I got an "F" on that test!"-NOLA Pt. 3

2009-03-16T16:25:00.000-07:00

Time has gone by so fast this year already. I had plans to have this one written a month ago but "life" got to me. So here it is and I am so happy to have had this opportunity.

I had been training for the New Orleans Mardi Gras Marathon over the past six months and as time drew near the more excited I became.

I had to do a 20 mile run as a part of my training. I asked a friend to run that with me and she, with no hesitation, did. We had an interesting but fun run that day. It had been a while since my friend and I had ran together and the fellowship was amazing. After 10 miles of running, we made a short turn and was preparing ourselves to finish out the rest of the 10 miles. At the moment we made the left turn I felt a tug on my right knee cap. It began to throb and pain shot up under my knee. With grace given by my friend, we "walked it out." She was patient with me and ran at my pace. I was in pain the whole 10 miles back.

I went to church the next day and the sermon was, "Are you ready to fail in order to succeed?" It was a list of people who failed many times before actually succeeding at something. The pastor asked us, "Are you willing to do that for Jesus?" I agreed I was ready.

Later on in the week I ended up having a dream of trying to complete the marathon but I strayed off the path. My friend in the dream asked me, "Are you willing to fail in order to succeed?" and went back and began running but woke up before I got to see the finish line.

My knee didn't feel any better and I ended up going to a physical therapist. For 1 month I got treatments on my knee, which they diagnosed as "Runner's Knee." The pain went away in my right knee after doing what I was supposed to do but began having problems in my left knee. This time it was a different pain.

The P.T. gave me the approval to run but to slow way down and just enjoy it. That was a relief to me because that is what I had planned to do.

Here it is the night before the run. Jeremy and I were talking about the run and how it was going to feel completing another marathon. He was getting me all pumped up and then he said it, "if you don't finish tomorrow, it will be okay." I instantly got frustrated and asked, "why do you say that?" He said, "well I just wanted you to know that even the elites know their body and quit if they have to. That's why they are elites." I instantly remembered my dream but shrugged it off because I was going to finish.

I woke up the next morning excited to get the day going. I had no idea what was going to happen but I knew either way, God was going to be there.

We started out running and it was amazing! Running down Bourbon Street and seeing the sights. Some of those sights were drunken tourists. Yelling with what they had left in them for us to keep going and not give up.

When I got to mile 8, which came quickly, I was beginning to feel a little ache behind my left knee cap. I prayed for God to take my mind off of it and continue to run but I heard a voice that said, "you are not finishing this one." I actually laughed at that inside and asked, "what do you mean I am not finishing this one? I'm okay, I will finish." I continued to run only to find myself slowing down with each mile. My knee was done. When I came up to the half marathon portion, I heard God say, "you can turn off here, it's okay." My pride stood in the way. I could not cross the half marathon line with my marathon bib, people would see. What would they think? I continued to run.

I crossed my half way mark and the throbbing became unbearable. Sharp pains that shot all the way up my leg and it became too difficult for me to run. One of my really good friends texted me at that very moment, saying "YAY YAY WENDY!!! GO GO GO!!!" I really tried to keep going but I had nothing left.

So I did something I had never done before and that was quit. Sure in our minds we all "quit" at some point but I REALLY felt the feeling of "quitting." I stopped at 17 miles and I called Jeremy. I told him how sorry I was and that I was a loser. He quickly told me, "you are my hero no matter what." I was then released of the title I had given myself.

Limping back to the car, lots of things raced through my head. I was trying to figure too many things out but one thing kept coming back to mind. "Are you ready to fail in order to succeed?"

I was a little angry at that question at the time it came to mind but after letting it sink in, I agreed that I was ready.

After all that had happened with my knee the physical therapist determined that it could be a torn meniscus (?). She told me to take it easy, run for fun, and no long distances for a little while. If it didn't heal on it's own they would send me for a scan.

I think that is how it is in life. The thought of failure makes us nervous. What would they think? Will I ever get it back? Why does this have to happen?

I guess I can only think of a reasons for God to purify and perfect us. It was so hard going through the "quitting" motions and humbling myself to tell others, when all along they have rooted me on. I had to realize they were/are still rooting me on. Not just with running but with life.

I am still learning God's ways. I am sure I will miss the mark again for what He is revealing to me but my desire is to fully lay it down for Him to see that I AM "willing to fail in order to succeed!"

F-Faith-2 Corinthians 5:7

A-Ambition-Philippians 2:3

I-Inheritance-Revelation 21:7

L-Love-Psalm 36:5

If failure comes in the form of an "F" then I guess I failed but I am going to keep taking that test until I get an "A."

"Will and Grace"-NOLA pt. 2

2009-02-09T17:43:00.000-08:00

"Why are you going to New Orleans again?" someone asked me one night. I explained that I was going to see my dad...and planned to run the Mardi Gras Marathon. With my heart bitter towards the last reunion my dad and I had, I was concentrated on that run more than I was seeing him. For me to tell them, "to see my dad" was not the whole truth.

To take you back some, my dad and mom divorced when I was 3 years old. My mom remarried and so my dad. There was distance between my dad and I until I was 17 yrs. old when he came to my graduation. I longed to know my dad but he was distant and I didn't know how to get close. I didn't have a father figure in my life. My step-dad didn't know how to "love" someone.

We didn't stay in contact after I graduated and I began a life of my own. I married a wonderful man and had a wonderful child. It's a wonderful life...right?

Well, I was missing something. I was missing the love, approval, and soft voice of a father. An authority figure that speaks volumes in your life.

My husband asked me one day if I would be ready some time to see my dad. He suggested it would be good for me, him, and our daughter to see him. I was hesitant at first but we planned out a time to go to New Orleans and reconnect.

That visit was in July 2002. It wasn't a visit I expected I guess. With distance between us and not really knowing what to say with one another, we stayed more apart from each other than close. I had come to terms with we aren't meant to have a father/daughter relationship. I wrote him a letter explaining that we were better off "friends." He never responded.

In November 2002 I rededicated my life to Jesus Christ. I had become a Christian when I was 15 years old, but not having anyone to help me along my walk to grow and mature in my Christianity, I fell away. Being led back to Jesus was the best thing that has ever happened to me. It was that time that I began to realize, I was never alone. I had a father...a Heavenly Father. I began to be filled with His love and understanding that God never intended for me to be without my dad. He began to show me that my dad didn't know how to reconnect with me, he didn't know how to respond with that fatherly relationship, for he felt as if he had messed up and couldn't turn back.

I began going through a heart mending process. I first forgave myself for always thinking it was me and putting the blame on me for not having that relationship with my dad. I had no control over it. I then had to forgive him. It was a process and it took will. Everytime I would feel as if I had forgiven him, the enemy would throw in my face, "well, if he had stayed active in your life, you wouldn't have had to go through what you went through with your step dad in that household." It was hard to push those thoughts away, but I had to focus on forgiving my dad and building a bridge for him to cross to get to me.

When I say "bridge" I mean Jesus Christ. I cannot build a bridge from things in my heart, for my heart can be guarded. I have to build a bridge based on the words from Jesus. So, he began to show me how and I was able to forgive my dad.

So here it is 2009 and I was going to run this marathon...and see my dad. Should it not have been the other way around? I was challenged with that question, "Why are you going to New Orleans again?" I knew I had to rearrange my priorities.

I began to pray about this trip. What would my dad think of me now? How will Madelyn react to her "grandpa" that she has never met...or remembers meeting? I began to be at peace and knew it would be okay.

We got to grandma and grandpas house on Saturday. Lots of family members were there greeting us and welcoming us back. Treating us like family...and we are. I guess I never grew up in a tight knit environment that I didn't know how I was going to act. God reminded me that all the "love" that he placed inside of me when he made me, was solely for this purpose and it was okay to release it and I did. No walls, no guards, and no locks. I let go.

My dad, step mom, and siblings arrived. I hugged my dad right away. It was one of the tightest hugs I had recieved in a long time. It wasn't a hug I was used to getting. It was a hug that a father gives his child. A hug I have witnessed Jeremy giving Madelyn and not sure how Maddy was feeling at the time her daddy was giving it to her. I always wanted to know how a daughter feels when her daddy is "approving" of her, and I finally got it.

We sat on the porch talking about life, Hurricane Katrina, and forgiving one another. My dad began to tear up and saying he was sorry for things. I quickly reminded him that I was an adult too and I can reach out too. He still sat their feeling sorry. I finally said, "I am okay now. I have forgiven you and forgiven myself. Let's move on." I could tell he was battling within, but I reminded him again, "I am okay." He smiled and we continued to talk.

"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. '

"But the father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate..." Luke 15:20-24

This is a scripture that God revealed to me as I was seeking Him on how to approach the reunion with my dad. I felt as if I were to welcome my dad back. I felt like the father who hadn't seen his son because his son felt bad for all he'd done wrong.

Jesus welcomes us back no matter what wrong we have done. We have to learn to do the same to others. How cleansed do you feel when you know God has forgiven you for your faults? Should we not show the same heart to others...especially our family? Maybe the reason why I felt so "fatherly" to my dad was because it was God's heart. He is still my dads Heavenly Father and wants my dad to feel loved. So like Jesus tells us "you are forgiven," so I say that to my dad too. He doesn't have to explain anything to me.

There were a couple of things that went on while I was there that the enemy tried to throw in my face about how my dad was. I had to throw in the enemys face that I was over it. You see, like I said early on in the blog, there needed to be a bridge built for me and my dad to cross. Well, when I talk about a bridge, it reminds me of the childrens story "The Three Billy Goats Gruff." We, of course, are the billy goats. The bridge is Jesus. We are trying to get to the other side. Well, under the bridge is a troll (the enemy). The troll tries to stop the goats from fully crossing the bridge to get to the other side where the green is, but the goats (with teamwork) succeed and beat the troll.

That is how we have to do things in this life. Teamwork. Otherwise, we will never see what is on the other side. There are many things over there; salvation, hope, and forgiveness.

My dad may have some growing to do, we all do.

My wonderful husband came up with the title of this blog, "Will and Grace." My dad's name is William and he taught me a lot about Grace. I couldn't have Grace for Will if Will and Grace weren't given to me.

So you see, you have to have "Will and Grace" and those aren't things you see on t.v. It is learned from a walk on a bridge.

"Fleur de lis"- NOLA pt. 1

2009-02-07T08:40:00.001-08:00

We have returned home from our awesome trip to New Orleans, LA. (NOLA) and I have to say that from this trip I have learned so much about myself, family, and most importantly God.

I was born in New Orleans, LA. on September 25th, 1979 at Lakeside Hospital. I was born Wendy Marie Makepeace.

We lived in New Orleans until I was 9 years old and moved on to Monroe, LA. (near Shreveport). The south has such a smell that is home to me. When I cross Texas on to Louisiana I just have to take a deep breath and know I am home. I love it here!

I moved to Oklahoma when I was 12 but always longed to go back home to Louisiana. I remember being in Louisiana and we had to have manners. We said "yes sir, no sir" to everything. If we didn't, you got reminded right there in front of the person. So after we moved to Oklahoma, I thought the polite thing to do was use my manners. I remember my first day in 6th grade, Mr. Matthews asked me if I was from Louisiana. I said, "yes sir" and everyone laughed and even whispered, "she said yes sir." That is when I knew things were different here.

I always had some what of an emptiness for where I called "home" and wondered if I would ever get that feeling. Years go by and you often forget where you are from. I was reminded constantly everytime I saw the "Fleur de lis." It is the symbol for the city of New Orleans or you may recognize it from the New Orleans Saints football team.

Anytime I have gone/go out and I see that symbol my heart longs to go back home. I am reminded that that is where I am from. People have asked me if I feel the "heaviness" over New Orleans, for its sin. Well, I didn't. Maybe it's because I didn't go expecting to feel it. I went expecting to feel God show me what it was that I have been longing for all this time.

While we were down there we saw cars with "Fleur de lis" all over them. I got filled with joy because it showed a city proud. There were "Fleur de lis" on business windows, billboard signs, and people wore them on their shirts. I told Jeremy I had to have something with a "Fleur de lis" to take home. I was so excited.

We stopped at a silver shop in the French Quarter downtown before we left to head home. I wanted a necklace with "Fleur de lis" on it. I found one! I was so excited to put it on and Jeremy was so happy to see me happy. I wore it proud.

On the way out of New Orleans to head home, I felt the Lord prompt me to look up "Fleur de lis" on my phone. I always associated with New Orleans but wasn't sure what the meaning of it was. As I searched on Wikipedia, I saw something that made my heart feel so loved.

"Fleur de lis" means "Lily Flower" in French. God had reminded me of my graduation at Purity with Purpose in November 2002.

I had announced my full name "Wendy Marie Grist" and what each meaning meant. When I was done I walked over to get prayer. Before it got started, one of the pastors had said, "Wendy when you walked on stage God told me the scripture Song of Songs 2:2 "Like a lily among thorns is my darling among maidens." He then said, "your middle name Marie means fragrance right? Well, I believe the lily symbolizes the "fragrance" that you are. God wanted me to tell you that scripture, you are like a lily among thorns." I immediately cried of course. I had never felt as if I was beautiful and for God to tell me that at that time was amazing.

Times following that prophesy, God showed me how He was showing me in the past that I was a lily among thorns. Someone had given me a scripture plaque with lilies on it, I carried lilies in my wedding, and there were lilies on a picture in all the doctors office I had been in. It was a sure sign to me that God was always with me...even from birth.

As I scrolled down more on Wikipedia, I saw it again, but this time the actual scripture was there; In the Middle Ages the symbols of lily and fleur-de-lis (lis is French for "lily") overlapped considerably in religious art. Michel Pastoureau, the historian, says that until about 1300 they were found in depictions of Jesus, but gradually they took on Marian symbolism and were associated with the Song of Solomon's "lily among thorns" (lilium inter spinas), understood as a reference to Mary.

I thanked God that He showed me that.

He thinks I am a "lily among thorns." I have a guarded, calloused, and selfish heart at times and he sees the growth in all of that. I am yet again in awe of His greatness.

I do not worship the "Fleur de lis" but it is a reminder to me of where I am from, what God has done, and how He is in everything.

Can't Get Away...

2009-01-16T22:49:00.000-08:00

"I am an arrow,

I am a rocket.

I am a river,

nothing can stop it.

Cause You are the target,

and You are the atmosphere.

You are the ocean,

that keeps pulling me,

You pulling me here.

And I can't get away,

can't get away...

I keep running into You.

Can't get away,

Can't get away...

I keep running into You

I am a beggar,

You are the table.

I am so helpless,

God You are so able.

And when I get turned around,
You change my direction.

Cause You're so perfect,

I'm so broken.

Here You come with arms wide open,

chasing after me.

Down every road,

You're always waiting there...

And I can't get away,

Can't get away...

I keep running into You.

Can't get away,

Can't get away...

I keep running into You.

And even when I close my eyes,

I can't help but see.

That there's no place that I can hide,

you're such a part of me.

I can't get away, cause I keep running into You..."

Can't Get Away

by Rush of Fools

I was packing my gym bag for tomorrows run before bed tonight. I hooked up my new headphones to my MP3 player and decided to try them out. Since I didn't want to fill my mind with anything other than God's pureness, I heard "Can't Get Away" in my head. That would be # 30 on my MP3. I flipped it on and had myself some God time! I gave Him my whole heart and the distractions that like to try and come in between me and my Best Friend. I laid it out and told Him everything. I felt so good and refreshed. I "rushed" downstairs like a child running to their father after returning home from work. I wanted to post this while my heart was pumping full of joy and love for my Father.

"O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways...Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."-Psalm 139:1-24

I was playing the song above in the car last week. As it started, I heard Maddy ask, "Why is he saying I am an arrow?" I explained to her the entire song as it played. What our role was and what God's was. I told her when you have God in your heart, you cannot get away from Him. You have invited Him in to live there forever so He will never leave you. She asked me, "when did I become a Christian?" I told her I remember her being 7 years old when she asked Jesus into her heart, she was in our basement while I was watching gospel videos. She responded, "no, it was before that because I have always worshipped God with my heart since I was 4 years old." I smiled and said, "okay, well for 4 years you have been a Christian." She asked, "that's all?"

That's all??? It seems that way. When you have a new heart/eyes it seems that God has been with you forever...and you know what, He has. Did you know He is with you right now? You cannot see Him but He is with you and loving you with His whole being! Recognize Him. Just thank Him for everything He has done for you and while you're at it, tell Him how Holy, Holy, Holy He is. Love on Him because He is always loving on you.

Jesus loves you and you can't get away!

"You did that on purpose!"

2009-01-11T16:44:00.000-08:00

The title of this blog sounds like siblings in an argument. Antagonizing your brother or sister and them yelling that out at you. Most of us have heard it many times over and over.

I heard it yesterday while reading an email from my brother Jason.

You see we reconnected after many years of being apart. Facebook is wonderful with all the details of peoples lives and the wonderful "Instant Message." With IM I am (haha) able to chat with my friends and family. I love it!

I received an uplifting email from Jason on God, family, and life in general. A lot of things were written and made my heart so full of joy and the word "PURPOSE" was all I could think of. After replying to the email, I pondered that word-"PURPOSE" and thought of the well know scripture-Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

So after thinking of this and some conviction from the Lord, I began to think back at my purpose. What was it again? My mind has been so cluttered with the wordly possessions and thoughts that I cannot seem to remember. I may catch a glimpse of what I vowed to do for God but I can't grab a hold of it.

Maddy and I watched "WALL*E" last night. It was a sweet movie and caught myself calling out for "WALL*E" and his pain to have that "hand to hold." Without giving too much information on the movie, there was a scene where WALL*E is looking up at the sky and it is covered with smog and toxins. He gets a small glimpse of the sky with a twinkling star but it is quickly covered by the toxins again and he shrugs his shoulders and goes about his daily routine.

Why does life have to get in the way to where we settle for this? Why do we let the worries, material possessions, or other people of this world toxin our view of what God wants to show us and we are okay with "just a glimpse?" My heart has been poked at by God all day for Him wanting to give me what He has for me and I am scared to see it.

We had Life Group tonight and we are going over "The Blessed Life." They asked, "What does it mean to give it all to God?" I responded with, "You have to give EVERYTHING to him, not holding anything back." When I said that I was convicted of not doing that.

I am human and I strive to be like the Lord but it is hard when God wants to renew something big inside of you but has to get rid of the toxins that is in your view. I am tired of seeing a glimpse of Him and shrugging my shoulders because I have to be on my routine. I want to see it all!!!

"Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity..." Jeremiah 29:12-14

WALL*E ended up seeing the sky in full force after fulfilling his purpose and having a "hand to hold."

Thank you Lord for bringing Jason and his family back into our lives and helping me meditate on the things you call us to be..."You did that on purpose!"

"Secret of My Success"

2008-12-30T17:42:00.000-08:00

Do you remember this 80's flick? Michael J. Fox was the main character who was a mail man at a corporate company and secretly became head honcho. He pretended to be someone big and weaved his way into someone else's house and pretended to live there. Drove a limo car but pretended it was his...etc...
Although it has been a while since I have seen that movie, I can tend to try and live the life I am not intended to live.
I run, I enjoy it. I got a taste of being "fast" and I wasn't becoming proud but I was feeling "good." Good in way that made me anxious. That is not good for me. I like feeling good in God. I was finding myself thinking about running all the time and not how God wanted me to. Consuming my mind of how I was gonna do this and I was gonna run that. I went to the sporting goods store and made a pretty big purchase on running gear. Although I could afford it, why did I do that? Why not just one thing at a time?
It is neat looking up to people and their accomplishments but that doesn't mean I do the same thing the same way.
The sermon at church was so AWE-SOME on Sunday that I was speechless at how God did that. The first thing the pastor asked was, "Are we ready to fail in 2009?" At first I was a little stunned at that and thought, "of course not." He then finished it by saying, "in order to succeed we have to be willing to fail." He listed success (not just money but accomplishments) of people and disciples who "failed" (or so they thought) but got up and returned to the mission set out before them. It was a breath of fresh air to me. I let go of the fact that I am ME. I have no one else's purpose, I have my own. I follow God's leading of how He wants me to do things. I will not mold around people or sugar coat my feelings for my Jesus.
While praying and giving running over to God and my "anxieties" brought upon by no one by myself, He revealed something to me in a dream.

I was running a marathon and detoured. I ended up with the spectators and I was confused. How did I end up here? I put my head down and stood there watching people finish. My friend Nicole said, "why are you stopping?" I said, "because I detoured, there is no need to finish. It's fine, I'm okay." She then said, "Wendy you have until 7pm to finish. It's only 6:16. Go! You can do it. Are you ready to fail in order to succeed?" I said, "OKAY!" and I ran back and began to run. Unfortunately I woke up right before I finished. That was fine, I didn't/don't need to see the ending.

What I got out of that dream was I am going to fail and it's okay. No, I am not wishing these things upon myself but what happens when you act like you are the "big stuff" of this world and you do fail? Why are you so surprised? YOU have taken these things into YOUR own hands and think YOU can make things happen. When YOU try, YOU fail. Only God can make things happen and it's called a miracle. So, I am okay with following the Lord's leading. My purpose is my own and to follow God.
In regards to running-For Him, With Him, ends with Him. When runnings gone, what's left? He is! It just so happens in the dream God said, "don't quit!"...and I won't.

"...Strip down, start running-and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed-that exhilarating finish in and with God-he could put up with anything along the way: cross, shame, whatever..." Hebrews 12:1-2 (The Message)

Being able to run is a blessing to me. I do not take it for granted but there are times I can feel proud. That was one of the times. God has "stolen my heart" once again!

Thank you Nicole for always encouraging me to be what God has called me to be, no one else. Your constant reminders of "completing not competing" has inspired me to become more of what God originally called me to be. I love you and thank God for you!

This is the "Secret of My Success", only it's not really a secret. God wants me to tell everyone!

Mutter

2008-12-13T05:25:00.000-08:00

I have been meaning to post a blog about something I had experienced in the Ultra Dog Trail Run in Ruston, Louisiana. It was a 5, 10, 20, or 31 mile trail run through one of the world's top bike paths, Lincoln Parish Park. I just decided to 5 miles and enjoy a new adventure. It was my first ever trail run and I was super excited.

The night before the run my family and I stayed up late playing "Scene It." My sister knew we'd be getting up early and she suggested we needed to get to bed. She was excited to go watch me run and wanted to be there, I always feel bad making (or not) people get up early to go with me to a race but they were all for going.

I woke my mom up and this would be her first time ever seeing me run any race. We were all kind of tired so we were people of little words. I, of course, had no idea what to expect so I was rambling to Maddy the whole drive.

My mom, sister, brother-in-law, nephew, and Maddy hung around Lincoln Parish Park while I was enduring mud, slippery paths, jumping over tree roots, and uphill battles. I thought for one moment to bring my headphones but quickly remembered the reward of not bringing it during the World's Tallest Hill run. I left them behind.

I was in "the middle of nowhere" when I was running and I loved it. Feeling as though I was on a rave run (those are featured in Runner's World) I was having the greatest time and realized that we are missing a lot in Wichita. Not just the hills, deep woods, and the "South" smell/feeling but the fun in runs. I was truly having fun and almost laughing at one point. Perhaps that was grace.

The trails were super thin that people who ran together had to talk behind each other. There was no parallel talking.

I came upon mile 3 and I heard it. I heard yelling and cheering. I thought for a moment that there couldn't be any support way out there...could there? Yes, there could and it was my family! I got closer and could hear my mom yelling "Go Wendy!!!" and Maddy saying "Yay mommy!!!" I quickly shot out a wave and kept going. After I passed them I distinctly heard the Lord say, "All those years you were embarrased of her yelling at games, you needed her now and you loved it" I told God, "I did love it and it was rediculous to have been embarrased then because she was proud." It gave me time to think of all the games she rooted for us at. All the screaming and yelling.

The blog title "Mutter" is German for mom. Mutter also means to talk in a low voice with lips partly closed but that is not what she did! Our friends knew who our mother was, she was proud. I am thanking my mom right now (I know you are reading this) and letting you know how happy I was to have you there. I have always wanted you to see me run and show you what God allowed me to do. Thank you for yelling for me and rooting me on. It is always nice to hear strangers cheering but so much more for my mother to do it. You came all the way out to the "boondocks" on a chilly dreary early morning, after a late night, to watch me run. Thank you and I love you!

When I think about how my family was cheering me on and my mom was yelling me on, I got excited inside. God showed me that He is always doing that for us. He does it in a small voice that is gentle, loving, kind, and at times convicting. Again, I have to say leave the headphones. I am still learning life in general how to leave the distractions behind but it's a process and I am getting it. He is always speaking to us, whether it is that voice aloud, a friend giving a phone call or text, a hug from your child, a kiss from your spouse, or silence that is so sweet. God is all around. I love you Lord!

The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by."

Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper." 1 Kings 19:11-12

I recieved 8th place in the 5 mile trail run. That didn't matter to me because my prize came at mile 3 from my mother...but it wasn't a gentle whisper!

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?

2008-12-05T20:29:00.000-08:00

The title of this blog makes me laugh now but I wasn't laughing a few days ago.

Maddy had asked me after school one day if she could call a boy to schedule a time to play an online game. I agreed and would supervise this game.

A friend had called my cell phone and I was talking with her as Maddy dialed and I overheard her ask to speak with this little boy. Not even 5 minutes later Maddy said to me quietly, "he had to go" and she went downstairs to watch t.v.

I wrapped up the conversation with my friend and walked downstairs. I was checking email, created a facebook (I can't believe I added one more thing to do, but I like it), and talked outloud at what I was writing while emailing Jeremy. Maddy gave me a hard time about doing her vest (chest therapy that takes 20 min.) and I was talking sternly to her about how we have to take care of our bodies. I held our smallest cat Anabelle and spoke in an english accent to Maddy, "hellooo Matalen, wut awe you dooen" (I tried). We were acting silly and I think I even said, "I smell something...did you fart?" Maddy said, "no!" and I asked her to check the carpet to see if there was a mess made by the cats, which of course there wasn't. She kept asking me if she could have hot chocolate and I said in a frustrated voice, "yes." I began singing songs without a care in the world.

Why am I giving you a glimpse into the awkward conversations we have? Well, because as I got ready to go to bed, I picked up the phone and I noticed Maddy never hung up. That's right, the phone had been on for 82 minutes. As soon as I realized it, I hung it up. My face literally turned bright red and heat came to the surface. I ran in to Maddy (God quickly reminded me she didn't know) and I said in a soft voice, "Maddy you didn't turn off the phone and they heard everything we said tonight." My heart was beating so fast and I was embarrassed. I was so tired but could not sleep because I went over in my head what all I had said. I also thought that the majority of the night I was on the computer and what would those people think of me as a parent.

The next morning I wrote a small note to that parent apologizing for whatever attitudes they heard over the phone and I was so embarrassed, to please forgive me. I left the note with the caregiver asking her to relay it to the parent. Taking a humbling step I didn't want this to come between Maddy and her friend. I then went to work and shared this story with my boss. We had a good laugh but she really encouraged me not to worry about it. I told a few friends and we laughed because it was funny but towards my lunch break I felt it rising again. My boss noticed me and asked me accountably, "are you worrying about it?" I said, "yes" with my head lowered. She reminded me not to. I took a deep breath and stopped. On my way to pick up Maddy from school, I prayed that I would not worry about it. I walked in and the first thing I asked the caregiver is if she had given the note to the parent. She said no because she hadn't seen the parent yet. I told her I felt like I needed to get the note back, I didn't need to give it to them. I threw the note away and handed the situation over to the Lord. I was ready to start new again. I felt the Lord impress on my heart how this affected me and I was embarrassed but do I not consider God when I talk like that. I mean, He still hears me. Our phone connection is never disconnected. Do I not feel bad for getting short tempered with Maddy? Do I not feel bad when I am not utilizing my time wisely in the evenings with her? I guess I never considered that until I felt SOMEONE had gotten a glimpse of how I was that night. Maybe the way I acted doesn't seem that bad but what we all need to realize is that SOMEONE is always listening and watching. It isn't grandma, Aunt Sally, or dear dog Rover-God rest their souls. It is God. He is the highest authority. He wants to be in every aspect of your life. He wants to hear your every thought, secrets, and laughter (even talking with an english accent). He will not look down on you because He already knows you. He wants to be involved in your life without you hanging up on Him. He has unlimited minutes, no roaming charges, or deadzones. Full service 24/7. All you gotta do is "Holla!" (I had to say that)

So I reevaluated my time with Maddy last night. I was invited to watch the Christmas tree lighting with some friends. I turned that invite down and brought Maddy by myself. We stopped by QT for some hot cocoa and drove downtown. It was awesome. Her face lit up as the tree was lit, she grinned slyly as Santa came in on a fire truck (she knows he's not real but loved seeing the children happy), and won a silly pen from the Christmas bingo they played. I loved every minute of it. I know we all need to have time for ourselves and we shouldn't feel bad. I, however, need to hold these moments with Maddy close because she has already went from a 2 yr. old to almost 9 yr. old and we only go up from here.

"Know that the Lord has set apart the godly for himself; the Lord will hear when I CALL him."-Psalm 4:3 (NIV)

I am hearing the 80's song "Call Me" in my head for all of you who need to talk. God has never and will never hang up on you.

Are you ready for snow?

2008-11-20T16:04:00.000-08:00

Just when I think I am stumped about writing a new blog (thanks to my accountables!) God does something amazing.

I don't write from "me" and what "I" have done. I like to write about what God is doing.

This morning I got up to take a shower before work. Maddy woke up and came in there. She was hardly awake and right away told me, "I had a scary dream". I asked her if she was okay and she shook her head yes. She then told me, "In my dream you asked me if I wanted to see the devils angel and I said okay. You took my hand and we walked to where he was. We were standing in a room, looking downstairs. The devils angel was looking up at us with lots of people behind him looking at him. I grabbed your hand and we ran upstairs to "heaven". Jesus was up there with other people. We were standing side by side and He waved his arms up and down our bodies and we were white." She told me later that "Jesus said, you are now with me."

I immediately told Maddy about how God was reassuring Maddy of how he is always there and we are made new in him.

I have been meditating on this all day. I am amazed at how God can show these things to a child. Then again children are so open to God. They believe in Him, they trust in Him, and want to know Him. It really shows me how I want more of that too.

It is amazing how when she saw Jesus, He ran His arms up and down and we were white. Jesus says "...They will walk with me, dressed in white, for they are worthy. He who overcomes will, like them, be dressed in white. I will never blot out his name from the book of life, but will acknowledge his name before my Father and his angels." Revelation 3:4-5

Soon Winter will be here and snow will be on the ground. I love seeing streets covered in white. You get that excited feeling in your stomach because you know that season has arrived. Do you know why you get excited? God did that. He loves when you get excited over something he does. Because he does them for you. He also gave up his only Son Jesus Christ for you too. He shed His blood for you on the cross. Blood that makes you white as snow. When you know Jesus He radically changes your life. We will fall at times (for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God-Rom. 3:23) but we are all forgiven and free through Jesus (and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus-Rom. 3:24). Accepting the Lord in your life can make you white as snow. I promise this season won't change. He will be with you forever. Are you ready for snow?

Thank you Jesus for revealing your love and promises through Madelyn. Help me to bring her up more in Your ways. I love her so much and I am honored to be her mommy. In Your Precious Name-Amen!

King of the Hill!

2008-11-09T20:16:00.000-08:00

"You are not taking your MP3 player on this one," I heard God say.

In September I was looking for a race to do at the half way mark of Jeremy being gone. I found one back home, in the Arkansas/Oklahoma area. I lived in this area for 9 years and I honestly had no idea I lived 30 minutes away from the World's Tallest Hill (Wikipedia). It is 1,999 ft high. One foot shy of being called a mountain.

So, God tells me "no music" and I was feeling a little scared at how I was going to be able to do this if I don't have upbeat rhythm to pull me through. I knew what would. I held on to that little "secret" God told me. I cherished the request and promised to leave the music behind.

I traveled to Arkansas (4 hours away) with the support of my family waiting to witness me complete this. This is the closest to Pikes Peak they know.

When I arrived in Poteau (Oklahoma) I had hopes of being able to run in nice 70 degree weather, that is what the Weather Channel said, but it didn't turn out that way. It was 40 degrees with high of 54 and 30 mile winds. Honestly, it felt like good ol' Wichita weather so I was somewhat prepared.

My mother-in-law and Maddy gave me a hug and I jogged to the starting line. I was eavesdropping on people talking about the trail runs they had done earlier in the year and how this run was the most brutal run they have done. I pushed those thoughts behind and focused on God.

We started running and I was feeling so good. I was enjoying the scenery that Kansas doesn't seem to have. Oklahoma is beautiful. We began to climb up our first small hill (1 1/2 mile) and I was still jogging. I was praying that swelling wouldn't happen after this run.

There were no mile markers so I relied on Garmin to see me through. I don't like to focus on it all the time because it takes away from MY purpose but this day I had to.

Mile 2 was a little difficult and I had to walk but as soon as it evened out I was back to running. I looked down at the Garmin and noticed I was already at 3 1/2 miles. I began to feel a little bit of pride (just that I knew I was ahead of a lot of people) and I looked behind me to see. God said in an ever loud voice, "Why are you looking back?" and I quickly turned back around. He then asked me, "Do you remember what you are doing?" I said, "yes" and he asked me, "What is it?" I told him, "Completing not competing." At that moment I was renewed. It is amazing how fast things can creep up on you but how quick (bc you have the Holy Spirit) you can cast them away. I do not want pride and it is one of the things the Lord despises. His word says, "God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble" James 4:6. I wanted and found out I needed to be humble.

Mile 4 was a killer. I was literally leaning a walk up this steep hill. The hill was a paved road with rocks. I felt at times when I was walking up the hill that my knees almost touched the road. My butt felt like it was on fire and I prayed for immediate results since I had to endure 3 hard miles of working my glutes. The entire mile I prayed for my sister and reminding myself that I was completing not competing.

Mile 5 had arrived. I did not care what I finished, I had finished. I quickly ran over to the view and I was in awe. I made it. Not by myself of course. I had help from above. At the beginning of my running days, I had a vision of God sending down ropes to help me when I was struggling through wind and small hills. God had reminded me of those ropes during this run and I used them.

In the midst of feeling this enormous accomplishment I overheard a guy talking about what he had placed. I walked over to the directors and noticed them writing the results. I was looking at my category and there it was. I had won 1st place. I couldn't even speak. I was in shock and besides who would I speak to? My family was 1,999 ft. down and Jeremy is over 1,999 miles away. God heard me. I was laughing, crying, and thanking him over and over. All I could say was "what? really? me?" I felt immediately loved. Not just that I had won (I got a coffee mug) but because I had listened to God. "You are not taking your MP3 player on this one," he had said. I held on to that request for almost 2 months. I may start leaving my MP3 player behind all the time. I am not looking to win any prizes but to win with Jesus. I may not have noticed or reached for those ropes if I had music on. I might have looked behind with a proud heart at people behind me if I had music playing. God wanted my full attention. I leaned totally on him when I was struggling and not song 5 on my MP3 player (which is Golddigger).

What would happen if when God spoke something, we listened and obeyed? Well, it was proven to me that we win. I am convicted at this while writing because I don't do this enough. It is also freeing to me to have gone through it and know that it is real and can have results in your life when you follow God's leading. A part of following God's leading is not looking behind. God will quickly remind you to look ahead not behind. When you look behind at others or the past you are trying to see what purpose that is-not important. God says, "Turn around and see what the purpose is I gave you." We can't go through this life competing. What you have now and what you have accomplished you only did it through the grace and love of Jesus. You are not super woman/man that you can do this on your own. Jesus did, is, and will continue to do these things for you. There is so much more for you and I believe if you take off the MP3 player you will hear him.

So I ran/walked up the World's Tallest Hill. What does God say about that?

"Counting on God's rule to prevail, I take heart and gain strength. I run like a deer. I feel like I am king of the mountain!" Habakkuk 3:19

Well, it wasn't quite a mountain (just one foot shy) so I will settle for King of the Hill!

Ma Ma Material Girl

2008-10-26T17:58:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4YtlNdT86_I
(Please watch this video after you have read the blog. I hope you enjoy it!)

Yeah, this song from the 80's certainly fit me this past week. I have been struggling with material wants and possessions.

It all started when I was sick a couple of weeks ago. I grabbed the laptop and began searching for new winter coats. I love "The North Face" brand and I not only found one coat I liked but I found two. They were both $300.oo a piece. I knew there was no way I was going to get both of those but I was obsessed with those jackets. Everyday I was online looking at them and going through withdrawls of not being a compulsive buyer. You see I am taking a financial class called "Financial Peace" and it is awesome. The class is taught by Dave Ramsey (financial radio host) and God has used this class to teach me a lot. I still have more to learn but I feel much closer to the knowledge of being debt free. So, this whole jacket situation and the Lord's conviction had me sweating and heart racing (silly I know) of not buying the jackets. I honestly could have but I knew that was not right.

Since that episode a couple of weeks ago, I have been comparing jackets of what looks similar to that $300.00 jacket, just not as expensive. I found one at Old Navy and I bought it. Buying that one led to looking at more jackets. No, I didn't buy any but I was seeing how I needed different jackets for different occasions. Then I began looking at sweaters, then purses, and then shirts. I was beginning to feel like I had to have every thing for every situation.

I had plans to go out with a friend to a Fall Fest and thought I had to have a new shirt. She isn't materialistic or judgemental but nothing I had was good enough. I bought a new purse because I thought I had to have something new for a Louisiana trip I am going on. Yeah, God quickly told me to give that to someone for Christmas.

I began to wonder and seek out about why I would be acting this way when I haven't had this much of an issue before. I am usually able to control my shopping issues.

God showed me a small but huge (to me) root. I downloaded some music to my MP3 player to run to. It is a party cd. There are songs like "Golddigger", "Oh I Thank They Like Me", and "Party Like a Rockstar." I am not really motivated by any of this music but since I carried the cd into my car and would listen to it just for the beat purposes, I began to sing these songs in my head daily. When you take on the "hardcore" music, movies, or attitude of the world you tend to mold into what the standards are. Jesus really urges us to be against it. I am not judgemental to those who choose to listen to this and it makes me pick up my running pace, but it is not good for me to listen to non-stop with an attitude. It makes me anxious, proud, and feeling like I don't need anything, I'm good. That is not a good feeling for me. I need Jesus.

I know it's okay to want and at times fulfill it. I am, however, taking a God lead class to get out of debt and live like no one else later. In order to do that I have to live like no one else now. Being more responsible on how I handle money and not being compulsive.

So I had a little breakthrough, but I had a big test today.

We went to our financial class today. The couple lives up Rock Road. After class was over I wanted to stop by Dick's Sporting Goods and look at their North Face jackets. I told Maddy, "how about I stop by Dick's?" She said, "no." I got angry inside. Mind you, she knows nothing of what I was going through. She didn't even know I was angry inside. I knew what God was saying. I took a breath and said "yeah, let's go home." I was relieved. It was a small but huge (to me) step.

Babe and I are on our way to being debt free and that is freeing to us. I know there will be trials along the way and tests to see our hearts to everything we planned to do. I do not believe it is wrong to want but when it consumes you, that is not healthy. When you are led by "worldy" motives whether it is music, movies, or others, it can create (if you let it) in you someone you won't like. It isn't pure and it isn't pleasing to God. You can become something you despise and when that is fed it creates something bigger and can be destructive.

"All this time and money wasted on fashion-do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them. If God gives such attention to the wildflowers-most of which are never even seen-don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving."-Matthew 6:28-30 (The Message)

For the busy heart motivated by "earthly" influence:

"Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious-the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse."-Philippians 4:8-9 (The Message)

The Lord is freeing me and I am learning something new everyday. I do not have to "Party Like a Rockstar" or "Thank They Like Me." Jesus loves me whether I am wearing nice or tattered clothes. When I leave this Earth I take nothing with me but my soul. That is the only label God sees on me.

Don't run alone!

2008-10-21T16:04:00.000-07:00

"I was wondering if you might want to be my running partner for the Wichita Marathon Relay in October?" my friend Amy asks me in July. I was a little hesitant because ever since my "swelling days" I am leary of committing to something I may not be able to fulfill. There are days where my body is completely normal and other days where I feel like I am carrying an extra 8 lbs. I say that because I literally carry an extra 8 lbs.

I tell my friend Amy I will do it. Although I was unsure, God knew and I felt like it was okay.

I trained off and on depending on how I was feeling. I knew I could do it but my heart wasn't sure because of the water weight. I guess you could say I didn't really care. During my "hard core" running days I took pride in running and counted every mile to the training log and more. I just HAD to do it everyday. Everything has changed. Now I don't feel bad if I just don't want to run.

About a month ago I was doing so good with my running and swelling. I was keeping a steady pace for longer distances (thanks to Tracie for allowing me longer lunch times) and I hadn't swelled in so long. I was feeling good and confident. I got the stomach flu and it all faded away. I was so sick that I did not care what happened with me and running. I couldn't even think of running. I didn't train for a week-I couldn't. I started to get fearful of this virus and would I be able to fulfill my part-which was the first part! I just rested up and didn't stress out about it.

One week before the run I was feeling better. I started to run and was really shocked at how much faster I had gotten. I just knew I could keep this pace and get a better time than my time at the Oklahoma City 1/2 Marathon (April '08). My time was 2 hours and 7 minutes. I was ready to see what was going to happen.

A friend of mine called me on Monday and laid her heart on the line about how she had an ailment and was afraid she would not be able to run at the race. I told her I would be praying for her and believed that she was supposed to do this. We were excited about how it was going to turn out and agreed to rest when needed.

Then it happened. I woke up Tuesday morning with huge ankles. My calves were tight and my upper legs were heavy. The water had arrived. I sat Tuesdays run out and decided to do it the next day. Well the next 4 days came and went with no running. It feels like my legs are stretched tight and I cannot even enjoy the run because I am concentrating on being done. It is very uncomfortable to go through. I am currently taking a water pill that helps flush out the water but sometimes it is not enough. I cannot eat too much salt and I have to intake lots of protien.

I prayed for God to help me make it through the race and for me just to enjoy it. Running is supposed to be fun and it is. I do not want to stress out about constantly looking at my pace or worrying about breaking a record that I may miss something God is trying to show me.

I woke up Sunday morning (race day) and immediately looked at my ankles. Yep, the water was still there. I just shook my head. I wasn't even nervous because all I could think about was my nemesis. I still just laughed a prayer of how only God can pull me through. I believed Him.

We started out and I was feeling good. When I reached mile 3 I began to feel tight. I almost stopped and honestly gave up but I could not stop. My mind had given up but not my heart. That is where God communicates with you and there was no way I was stopping. I pressed on.

I uploaded new music to my MP3 player. There are songs I don't really listen to but really enjoy the beat. Songs like "This Is Why I'm Hot", "Golddigger", and "Pjanoo". Yeah after about 2 rounds of that I was ready for worship. The only problem was I had accidentally deleted all my worship songs. I was feeling tired and I noticed a mile marker. It was mile 7! I had no idea I had already ran 7 miles. Then a song came on that made me pick up my pace. "California Love," thanks to Tupac and Dr. Dre (I think) I was able to get to mile 10 in no time. Getting to mile 10 was a breeze, it was what came after that made me doubt all God had ever given me in running.

I was running on base on gravel, dirt, and bumps in the path. Not to mention 20-30 mile winds. I felt myself slowing down more and more. That was okay. I just wanted to make it at this point. I made it past mile 11 and 12 and I was beginning to feel relieved. I had turned off the MP3 player and wanted to take in the last part of the race. I am glad I did.

I was on the home stretch to mile 13 when I told myself "I'm done!" I came to the point where I was okay to walk the rest of the way. I only had 3/4 of a mile to go-I was fine to walk. I ran passed a volunteer and she said "Good job! Almost There!" I looked over and it was my friend Cindy. I said "Hey Cindy!" and she said "Wendy? Oh! I was wondering if you were running today!" At that point her son, 15 year old Zach, said "Wendy? Is that you?" and he took off after me with his Heely's on. Huffing and puffing I said "yeah, Zach it's me!" He plopped his Heely wheels up and said "I am going to run with you!" and he did. I told him, "I wish I had wheels right now." He asked me, "Is this your first race since your feet were swollen? It is cool that you are running!" All I could say without crying was "Zach you came at the right time. Thank you for running with me, I almost gave up!" He just laughed. I asked him, "Are you going to be a runner now?" He laughed and said "Oh! I can't run!" Then I laughed and said, "you are now!" I was nearing the finish line and I told Zach, "Thanks so much for running with me, you came at the right time. You will not know how much this means to me." I patted him on the shoulder and he said, "no problem." As I crossed the finish line I noticed him turn around to go back to his mom, only this time he plopped the Heely wheels down.

There was so much going on around me that I could not take in what had just happened. I thought about it on the bus ride out of the base. This is what I concluded. God doesn't want me to do this alone (race and life). I had a running partner to finish out the marathon. I did 13.1 miles and when I was done she picked up the rest of the 13.1 miles. Therefore we completed a marathon-together. When I was to my breaking point (which we all get to in life, not just from exercise) I was done, then God could step in. Although Zach may not have known what was going on, he was being used by the Lord. Zach did not have to run with me, but God used him to show me I am not alone in this "race." We all need someone to "run" with in this life. Someone to cry with, laugh with, and just have fellowship with. We are never meant to be alone or think we can handle things on our own. God is there and he sends people along the way to help you get through. Sometimes we just need to take off the MP3 player to hear what He has to say.

What will happen with the water weight, I do not know. What I do know is that God isn't worried about my health as He is my soul. I know He doesn't want this for me but if I can see Him more through this, then why would I want to rush what He is doing? Like a marathon, you have to pace yourself. You can't get ahead of the pace God set before you or you will fall out. Let God be your trainer. His training plan is one to make you a true champion!

Do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise. Hebrews 10:35,36

So I finished the race with 2 hours and 7 minutes. The same exact time as the one in April. Amy finished in 2 hours and 27 minutes. A total of 4:34 minutes. We finished 5th out of 10th.

God's Will

2008-10-09T17:52:00.000-07:00

"You are due for another blog," my friend Shana tells me today. She has me stumped. In my mind I got nothing. I explain to her that I was extremely sick this past week and didn't really get anything out of it. I have never been that sick before. Last week I was running so good. I was running a 9:15 pace for 4 miles. I have never been that fast before for that long. I don't really desire that, but I'll take it when HE gives it to me. Then I got hit. The Stomach Bug! For 3 days I was bound to the couch. My loving daughter taking care of me like I was her elderly mother. I felt that way. I did nothing. I had plans for Saturday to run a long run and spend the rest of the day with Maddy having fun. I woke up and spent the day bonding with the toilet. I felt terrible both physically and emotionally.
Sunday morning we woke up and I could not make it to church. I told Maddy I was sorry and we would go next weekend. Since we were out of groceries (one of Saturdays errands) I wanted to take her to her favorite place to eat-IHOP. I wasn't thrilled about sitting in a crowded place while sitting shoulder to shoulder to someone BUT she sacrificed for me.
We got a waiter that some people may laugh at. He was in his late 40's early 50's and VERY excited being at work. He would come to the table and sing ballads of the 5 stack pancakes and side of grits you can order. His name is Will.
After a little while of singing and laughing at our table Maddy asked me why he acts that way. I told her he loves working here and not everyone loves their job like he does. We need to be happy having someone like him. I also gave her a side note of not making fun of someone like that and to appreciate his personality. She told me she would never make fun of someone.
Will brought us the receipt and a poem. He said his wife writes poems and he thought we'd enjoy it. It is titled "Child of God." It is about how we are created in God and has scriptures all over it. Madelyn looked at it and said "I have CF." Will said, "What was that?" I told him, "She has CF. It is Cystic Fibrosis and it is a lung and digestive disease." All of a sudden a soft sympathetic look came across his face and he said, "Oh, I need to pray with you. Can I have your hand?" Maddy gave him her hand and he prayed for God to touch her, heal her, and give her HIS love. He said the words that make me fall to my knees, "In JESUS' name." I was so choked up. I told Will thank you and he was back to singing about seeing us next time.
When we left we were so refreshed. I still had a turning tummy but my heart was so full of love for my Father, Savior, and Best Friend.
I knew I needed to write about this but couldn't gather the strength yet. I now know why.
As I was reflecting about this on which to write about. I began reflecting on my dad. His name is Will or William Joshua Makepeace. I have not seen him in 6 years. I was not fully devoted to the Lord at the time I seen him and I was an angry adult who had not yet gotten over or forgiven his abandonment from childhood. I wrote him a letter saying we are better to be friends. He never responded.
Guilt sometimes comes over me but the Lord reminds me of my "youth" at the time it was written.
I love my dad. He may have done some things to hurt me but I still love him. God still loves us right? We turn our back (on Him or others), HE loves us. We take things in our own hands, HE loves us. We "got this", HE loves us. Addictions, Gossip, and UNCLEAN heart, HE loves us.
I am hoping to make a trip to New Orleans (home) in February. I am praying to see my dad. Like the prodigal son, I am back. I am back to throw myself down and ask for forgiveness. Like the father, I am praying he takes me back.
Did you know God does that? He takes you back. He will welcome you in and never let go. We are not promised a perfect life (my dad was not there). We are promised a life filled with hope, peace, and love (your Heavenly Father is there).
So there it is, Will is God's Will. He made them, He loves them, and He loves you!

"His father said, 'Son you don't understand. You're with me all the time, and everything that is mine is yours...He was lost, and he's found!"-Luke 15:15 (The Message)

Thank you Shana for the accountability. Especially for allowing me to reminise on my dad/Father. I appreciate you!

U.G.L.Y.

2008-09-29T16:43:00.000-07:00

This past week has been a little difficult for me. I had experienced something on my birthday that made me feel like I had let God down. I know that I am faulty, but I also know that God wants to forgive me and move on. I heard somewhere that God forgives all of our sins and he puts them in a lake. He then posts up a sign that says "No Fishing!" Well, I went fishing alright and while I went fishing for what was bothering me, I also caught some old ones I left behind years ago. Why do we do that? I guess while we are down we mind as well remember other things right? Well, He does not remember them so we shouldn't either. At the time though, no one could tell me that.

I had to pick up some medication for Maddy on Saturday from Dandurand Drugstore. Everytime we pull up here (we only make this run 3 times a year), Maddy's eyes light up. "Oh, I like this store!" she says. Maybe because it has "cute" and pretty expensive toys there. I am sure she is not excited to pick up her medicine. I quickly let her know I am not spending money here except for her medicine. She goes off and looks at the toys. When I walk over I notice a basket of silly looking stuffed animals. "I like these" she says to me. I said "yeah, they are called Ugly Dolls and we can make those, not pay 10 bucks for them." She was super excited at the thought of making something and she put it down.

On the way home I stopped by Goodwill and picked up an assortment of fabric for VERY cheap. I told Maddy that since I had to babysit that night we could make the dolls after church the next day. She agreed and began sketching her "Ugly Dolls."

That night after I was done babysitting and Maddy had fallen asleep, I decided to make her one and surprise her. I knew Maddy would love it so I began sewing (by hand) away. I felt like a child making something for their mother. I was pleased with my finished result and turned the lamp off.

When we woke up Sunday, I showed Maddy the doll. Her voice was so gentle and soft. "Oh, I love it mommy, thank you! You did a good job!" she (being proud of her mommy) says. We then began to talk about why it is called the "Ugly Doll." I wrote the word "ugly" down on some paper and began to make words out of the letters. We figured that "G.L.Y." could stand for "God Loves You." Maddy asked me what "U" could stand for and I said "Unchanging." We wrote out the words "Unchanging God Loves You" and we were excited! Not only did we create our own doll but God showed us how he can help us make good out of what seems to be "ugly."

At church this morning I was taking on the burden of what I had gone through on my birthday. As God would have it, the service was titled "Peace". It told of a testimony of girl at church who had began "cutting" herself for temporary relief of struggles. It showed how she had hit rock bottom and began to lean on the Lord. During that time the preacher was saying, "no matter what you have done to someone or what they have done to you, Jesus is the only one who can give you peace." He then said turn to the person to your left or to your right and tell them "you are forgiven." I turned to my right and told the girl "you are forgiven" and she told me. The testimony continued and I began to weep silently. I wept over how unclean my heart was and how I was not worthy of being loved. The Lord reminded me of the "U.G.L.Y. doll" and I wept more. I could have rambled on but the Lord intervened. The girl that was on my right sat in the seat next to me and said, "I just want you to know the second I sat next to you I noticed Gods spirit all over you. I could just feel it. You are going to be used so much. I just want you to know." I was weeping and I all I could say was "thank you." Later I found out that that was her (Ashleys) first time visiting the church and speaking out in faith. She had never done that before. What faith that was, for me to see!

After coming home I told Maddy how happy I was that we found "Unchanging God Loves You" out of "ugly." I also told her that if anyone calls her ugly again, that was alright. She could just smile at how God sees love through the ugly. We all have it. We can deny it or own up to it. Our hearts are not always pure, clean, or beautiful. I have learned that going "fishing" for our sins and old ones don't solve anything either. I don't always "get it", but I am learning that their is beauty is out of ugly.

"I desire a heart like you Lord. I cannot look at my own strength to get me through. Help me to have a heart like you. In your beautiful, precious, and holy name-Amen."

"The enemys angel did his best to get me down, what he in fact did was push me to my knees...My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness. And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become." 2 Corinthians 12 (The Message)

"What's sabotage mean?"

2008-09-21T20:40:00.000-07:00

I have been praying lately that I would be a good example of godliness to Madelyn. I feel that since last summer when I was on a high dosage of prednisone (steroids), it has been hard for me to find my "old" self. The old self that prayed for long lengths of time, boldly told people what God says, and was in the Word nonstop. Who I am now is someone trying to peel myself away from the things I clung to during my "mind altering" drug. I could not find God. I cried all the time because I thought he had left me.

Since then I have beaten myself up over why I let myself get this way. I got so down about how I have changed since last summer and I know that in between that time frame I made Madelyn turn her back.

I am training for a hill run in November. I asked Maddy to go with me to Sedgwick County Park so I can train on the "sledding hill." I knew I could run up and down that a couple of times for a good work out. When we pulled up she asked me right away, "do they have stickers?" Not the cute ones that stick to your shirt, the ones that stick to your feet. I knew she was not going to like this. I encouraged her to hop in the grass to avoid getting stuck, because immediately they stuck to me. We ventured up the hill and she counted as I ran up and down. After the 3rd time, I was thirsty and forgot that I left my water bottle at the bottom of the hill. I asked her to get it for me. With hesitation and my guilt of how dry my mouth was, she skiddishly hopped down to get it. When she came back up she was so happy. I told her how proud I was of her for going down there. She said, "I sang to God and told Him, He was my Savior and my God and I wasn't scared." That moment was defining for me. It showed me that Maddy knows where her help comes from.

This morning I decided not to go to church. We have had the busiest week that I wanted time for us to enjoy our home and each other. I told Maddy we were going to clean up some and get some groceries. I had a 3pm class today, so I wanted to get moving. When she was brushing her hair she asked me, "what's sabotage mean?" I told her, "it means to get revenge or tear apart something on purpose with a hateful heart." Then I asked her, "why do you ask?" She told me she thought about it from the song on Rockband. I explained to her that Rockband doesn't have many songs that I like her to sing because of that reason. I did, however, take full advantage of getting on the subject of how the enemy wants to sabotage people and their relationships with God. She then told me, "when we go to Wal-mart I am going to tell them what that song means." We talked about different kinds of songs and then Maddy put her head down and looked sad. "What is wrong?" I asked. She continued to tell me how kids in her class call her ugly. I told her that was another reason why the enemy wants her to feel bad. He wants to sabotage the way she feels about herself, friends, and eventually God. We had the best conversation and I did a little skit showing Maddy how Jesus can enter her life if she follows and is in the Word, and how the enemy can if she is not. We hugged each other and left the house with HOPE. That is what God wants. He wants us to have hope. When we talk about Him, give Him glory, and most importantly in our hearts. In the car we talked about how else we can hear from God. We can ask him to reveal himself in our dreams. Maddy said, "He also can talk to us through our art. In school I drew a picture of two angels and they were guarding a jail. In the jail was the devil and he could not leave. God was standing right in front of the jail too." This lead us into more conversation about the end times. I felt so overwhelmed about how although we did not go to church, I was filled. I felt God had answered so many thoughts of "what I had not done or what else can I do." He showed me that what was planted in Maddy has not left. He has also been showing me through this, is that sabotage is what the enemy wants. I was (with Gods wisdom) answering my own questions when explaining sabotage to Maddy. The enemy doesn't want you to feel like you have friends, he doesn't want you to feel like you are special to God, and He wants you to doubt God is with you. I always knew this but now I really know. When you teach your child God's love, ways, and teachings, they teach you. It is God's hand and love that speak through them. Not only did Maddy learn something so did I. Thank you Jesus!

"Point your kids in the right direction-when they are old they won't be lost." Prov. 22:6 (The Message)

Change

2008-09-08T17:30:00.000-07:00

Today has arrived. The day I have been dreading for the past year. This is the day my "Babe" had to leave. He is off to serve his country. Even though at times he doesn't feel like he is making a difference, he is and I admire him.
I work and serve for military moms and dads everyday. It is so hard to see these parents tell their children "bye" as they are off for 4 to 6 month TDY's. The children have no idea that when we tell them mommy and daddy went to work, that means a 120 day away work.
Our day has come. It was one of the sweetest good-byes we've had. God has weaved us together so tight this past year that I am truly honored to be called his wife. He is my lover, my husband, and my best friend.
A couple of weeks ago I remember laying in bed and thinking about all of the things that were "changing." I am about to lose a couple of children in my classroom that I have had for a year. That hurts. I have somewhat helped "raise" them like my own. I have to say "good-bye." We are about to lose really good friends to a move. I know God has blessed this and it is so awesome but once again I have to say "good-bye." The day is coming where I have to let Babe go for 120 days. We will have to say "good-bye." I prayed to God and shared all of the "change" that seems to be taking place. He shared with me all of the change that comes after it. Good change. Change isn't necessarily for us. I have absolutely no power to stop any of this that is taking place. The children will need to grow-they have to go. My friends need to grow-they have to go. Babe is going to grow-he has to go.
This morning we dropped Babe off at 4:30. We held each other in silence and allowed our 2 beating hearts to speak. I will cherish that moment. Maddy kissed and hugged her daddy with no tears. Her expression spoke it all, "I love you and I will see you soon."
After a nap this morning and taking Maddy to school, I went for a run. I was listening to worship music and Third Day's "Call my Name" came on. It was a reminder that I am not alone, I have someone here, and I can call on Him anytime. That is hope and it gives me peace.
As I pulled into work I noticed the parking lot was covered in black birds. I have never seen that many birds up close before. I was watching them as I drove towards them. They flew up into the air so beautifully. I began to laugh out loud with a lump in my throat, trying not to cry. God had showed up. He saves those "small" things for you. When change seems to happen whether it looks good or bad, there is always something to follow it. Sometimes it is hard to see it that at the time but it is coming. Good change. God promises that.
How interesting that "change" is happening as the season is changing.
I will miss my Babe so much. We have been enjoying renting 80's movies, playing Rockband, drinking coffee together, and "cuddle wuddles" (yeah I said it-we baby talk). But when he comes back another season will have arrived and change was a good thing.

"A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance"-Ecclesiastes 3:4
Do you see how God is saying what good comes after what seems to be sad? Thank you Jesus for change!

My Turn is Coming!

2008-08-24T18:38:00.000-07:00

This is my first blog. I guess that makes me a "newbie."

I was inspired by a few blogs to begin one of my own and I am curious (so is my husband) to see how long I can keep this up. I may ramble some so bare with me. I hope you enjoy just a glimpse of my life and thoughts thereof.

Most of you know that I have an autoimmune disease called Lupus. I was diagnosed in 2002. The first year was the hardest but God's grace got me and my family through. In 2006, my husband and I decided we wanted to try for another baby. My doctor was very supportive and we had a plan to go off all my medicine and get pregnant by January '07. We were excited and hopeful.

In September '06 I began to develop a rash on my face, this is common in Lupus patients. It feels like a massive sunburn and itches like crazy. My next symptom was hair loss. I had clumps coming out at a time. I got 9 inches cut off to even out the loss. When my doctor noticed these symptoms, he immediately said it was a "flare up" and we had to wait to try later in '07. I was saddened. You always hear about a woman's biological clock ticking for a child and this was a grandfather clock. Everyday I would hear it go off. I trusted that God had a plan for our lives and this child we wanted.

I ran a marathon at the end of April '07. Two weeks later I began swelling. I accumulated 30 lbs of water weight after 1 1/2 months. My doctor said this was a major "flare up" and I had to go back on all of my medicine and then some. I lost all hope at that point. I began to wonder why I had so many dreams of having another child. Other people would tell me dreams they had of me being a mother again. What was going on?

We got through the illness and everything is getting back to "normal." What is normal? I don't think it ever really goes back to what we had before. In that time you are going through the "furnace" you feel like you are being burned but God is purifying you.

I have been wanting a child more than ever these last couple of months. I have witnessed so many friends through myspace, from work, and most importantly my sister, have a baby. I have experienced emotions from being angry, to joy, to sadness, to letting God have every ounce of want for a child.

We attended church today and I heard God. The pastor was talking about how not to be envious of other peoples blessings. God wants us to bless others. Then he said it, "I feel like I need to bring this up. You ladies who want another baby so bad and you see other people having them. Bless them! When you bless others, you are a step closer to your blessing! God hears you! It's coming!"

Wow! All this time I have been saying, "Congratulations! She is so beautiful! I am so happy for you guys!" and telling my sister, "I am so proud of you and I love you." God heard every bit of that. I don't know what God is going to do and I don't mind. I am just going to keep on blessing.

"I will bless those who bless you"-Gen. 12:3